Eucatastrophe ~ h.s.

This isn't how I planned any aspect of my life to occur.

The plan was simple: Finish university with a 4.0 GPA, Get a well-paying corporate job that's more intense than the assistant job I've now, Find a man that loves me for me, Get married at a gorgeous ceremony, Have beautiful children, Grow old with the man of my dreams and watch our kids mature right before our eyes, and Then fall deeper and deeper in love with our time together.

That Night wasn't supposed to happen. My life wasn't supposed to turn out like this.

*Contains: Language, mild sexual content, and a bit of violence. Content could be triggering for some.*

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22. ✗ twenty-one ✗

SHAY

20 May

The sounds of the shower shutting off in the bathroom next to me awakens me from my peaceful slumber once in Harry’s arms. My eyes feel heavy as I force them open to look at the room around me, not wanting to stay asleep for a moment longer. I’m in Australia for goodness sake; I should be awake to experience it.

Light shines through the curtains covering the windows on my right, lighting up the room around me for the covers weren’t that thick. The white duvet over my body keeps my skin warm when Harry isn’t here to do so.

Yesterday was quite riveting.

After a long lunch with Ashton, Harry and I had attended meetings all afternoon into late evening. The looks on the people’s faces we met with were priceless when they saw our attire. They in their suits and ties and us in our casual wear; it was quite a scene. But Harry’s the boss so no one said anything on our behalf. The meetings ran long and there were many times where Harry nearly lost it, but he kept it together for me. His eyes would meet mine every time he nearly lost his cool, and when they did I saw the tension just disappear for a while.

Once we returned back to the suite last night, it was well after eight and both Harry and I were exhausted from the travel and the meetings we had to endure. We ordered in room service, watching a movie on pay-per-view, and then crashed before either of us could suggest doing something else. It was a peaceful evening and I would have wished for it no differently.

Harry had a meeting this morning, which I don’t remember him leaving for, and then today was our free day. I had thought long and hard about the whole beach thing and decided that I needed to live a little. I didn’t necessarily have to strut around in a bikini if I didn’t want to. Clothes are optional, and so they will be worn.

The bathroom door opens, breaking me from my thoughts as Harry escapes the steam filled area. My eyes bug out of their sockets at the sight of him, glimmering with shower water and dressed in only a white towel wrapped around his lower half. My mouth grows dry at the sight of him and I can’t help but wonder why I’ve never fantasized about his body before getting with him. He’s right fit.

The ink that adorns his skin shocks me every time I see it. On the outside Harry looks and acts like, as a successful businessman should, from his mannerisms to his speech. He hides his tattoos from world to keep his image professional, but as soon as the suit is off and we’re outside company lines, it’s like Harry’s a different man. He’s giddy, funny, sweet, kind, and smart; the whole package.

I never thought long and hard about relationships in the past, mostly putting the blame on my mother for my view on relationships. Her idea of falling in love is for her to provide the love of my life and force me to feel some way about him. But aren’t you supposed to find love on your own?

My past relationships have been nothing but making out and hitting second base, occasionally third base. There was no love behind it or feelings aside from lust. But if I had to pick someone to experience a real relationship with, it would be Harry, for he’s everything I want and need in a man.

A squeak must have left my lips when Harry was in the process of searching for new clothes, because he spun around and met eyes with me. My eyes grew double in size, realizing that I had just been caught staring, and for the longest time too. A smirk toys on his lips as the hand clutching his towel tightens its grip.

“Morning.” He says cheerfully, clearly not realizing that he’s still just standing in a towel. If it were me I would have run off screaming by now or been passed out on the floor in a pool of my own embarrassment. “Sleep well?”

“Uh-huh.” My mouth was bone dry and I couldn’t think of any words or phrases to put together. With a clear of my throat, I somehow regained my composure to speak. “Do you think you could-?” Harry looks down at his bare torso and white towel before looking back at me.

“Oh, sorry!” He grabs clothes quickly from his suitcase, throwing things about. “I thought you were still asleep, I shouldn’t have-“

“It’s okay, just a lot to take in at, “I glance at the clock to keep my eyes from roaming his body, “half nine in the morning.” A small smirk toys at my lips as I speak, creating a smile on Harry’s as well.

“I’ll be right back.”

Harry returned only a few minutes later, minus the towel and with his hair pulled up into a man bun. He was clad in jean shorts and a white t-shirt, just the way I like him. He looks casual, which means he isn’t externally stressing out over something. I like it when he can just be himself.

“I thought about our plans for today.” I finally vocalize after sitting in a bit of silence whilst Harry searched around for his shoes. He cocks his head in my direction as I pull my body up into a sitting position. I must look like a mess with my hair everywhere and my makeup free face, but Harry is used to it by now.

“And?” He sounds hopeful, and I hate that I was the one to make him question these plans.

“And I hope my bikini still fits. It’s been a few years.” A large smile breaks out across Harry’s incredibly smooth and pink lips as he crawls up the bed and over to me. I smile back at him as he flops beside me, wrapping an arm over my shoulders and pulling me to him. “I’m sorry I was acting like a stupid teenager yesterday.”

“Hey,” Harry slides his hand underneath my chin and turns my face towards him, “you never sound like a stupid teenager. Yes, you have your insecurities, but so do I and so does everyone else.” I cock my eyebrow up at the beautiful man at my side.

What on Earth does he have to be insecure about?

“What exactly are you insecure about Mr. Styles?” Harry shrugs, his eyes falling to the duvet over my lap. His hand finds mine and his fingers lace gently with mine, our hands now attached resting on my covered thigh.

“A lot of things.”

“Like what?” I urge, nudging my side with his. Harry stares down at our hands and inhales deeply before speaking.

“I’m insecure about my job and what type of a future it brings. Will I be successful? How will I mess it up? And believe it or not, Shay, before you there weren’t many ladies lined up outside my door just waiting for me to be with them.” A long sigh leaves Harry’s lips and he grows silent again.

“How can you be insecure about your looks?” I question, resting my chin atop his shoulder. It isn’t the best possible angle to view Harry, but he still looks incredibly beautiful. No matter how I look at him, he’ll still be the same in my eyes. “You are honestly, the most attractive man I have ever laid eyes on. Your piercing green eyes are beyond beautiful and your pink lips so kissable.” A miniscule smirk forms at the corner of his mouth and I knew Harry’s fighting it. “Your tattoos make you unique and that is exactly what I’ve been looking for: unique. Plus, you’re beyond kind. I’ve never known someone as selfless as you, and that’s a fact, Harry.”

“Really?” I shrug and press my lips to Harry’s shoulder quickly before rising to my legs to get my clothes ready for the day. “How’d I get so lucky?” I’m not sure if his question is directed towards me or not, so I simply stay silent, fighting the smile on my lips as I pick my clothing items out for the day.

“The real question is how I got so lucky.”

&&&

As Harry and I step out of the confines of a sleek black SUV, we are met with the sounds of waves and seagulls squawking. My eyes take their time to adjust to the bright sun for the tinted windows kept the rays a bay. When my eyes finally did adjust, I saw something I wasn’t expecting.

“Harry,” I mumble out over my shoulder. His hand comes into contact with my lower back so I know he’s standing there, but I don’t bother looking back, “Where are all the people?”

To my astonishment, there isn’t a trace of any other soul here. Harry and I, as well as the man who had driven us here, are the only ones on the sandy expansion of land.

The white sand is bright against the sun, causing my eyes to squint out of instinct before I have time to place my sunglasses on the bridge of my nose. The water is so blue that it looks fake, soft waves crash against the shore in soothing rhythm. If I had a hammock I would set up camp here and never leave.

“This place is beautiful.” I admire, my lips barely moving out of amazement.

“Welcome to Chinamans Beach,” I turn slowly on my sandal-clad heels to face Harry, “reserved for the day just for the two of us.” A smile breaks out onto my lips as I realize just what he’s done. He had been looking out for me and my insecurities.

“You didn’t have to do this.” Harry takes both of my hands in his and gives them tight squeezes before bringing them up to his lips.

“I know, but I knew that you would feel more comfortable without anyone here. You’re at your most comfortable when it’s just the two of us.” I nod my head lightly. He’s right.

Whenever at work, I’d be rigid as long as people were around, especially Melissa. But once night fell and everyone, aside from Harry, went home I felt like I could slouch a bit and let my hair down. Even at home, I feel comfortable enough to stand sans makeup and with messy hair around him. He makes me comfortable.

“That’s because you make me feel comfortable.”

A larger than life smile breaks out on Harry’s lips before lowering our hands and joining our lips together. Harry’s right hand finds my cheek and clutches it delicately as his other hand grips my hip. I allow my arms to snake around Harry’s waist and grip onto the t-shirt he’s wearing, leaning into the kiss more.

After kissing for a while we break apart and start setting up a place to rest. Harry spreads out a blanket that I didn’t even know he had brought and I take the time setting my bag onto the blanket and rummaging through it to find my phone. There’s no way in hell I’m not capturing the beauty of this place.

The water itself is clear enough to see the sandy undertones of the ocean and the spray of each soft wave that comes crashing into shore sends the soothing salty smell into the air. Everything about this place is like a dream. I feel as if I never woke up this morning, meaning this beauty before me is just an illusion put on by my subconscious. I pray that it remains real as I snap a picture of the water and white sandy beach before spinning around to capture the whole set up. I freeze dead in my tracks at the sight I’ve stumbled across, my phone remaining in its place.

Harry had peeled off his clothes, leaving him wearing only a white pair of swim shorts. His hair cascades down onto his shoulders, where his hand runs through the strands evenly. Somehow his hair always looks perfect. His tattooed chest and arms are on fully display now, the sun glimmering off his skin like he’s a work of art. I find myself getting lost in the ink beneath his skin, or maybe just lost in the moment in general. His tongue darts out to lick his chapped lips before turning his head in my direction fully. Up until now he had been staring to my left, but now I’m caught.

We don’t say anything for a moment, or maybe it’s been a mere second I wouldn’t know because I feel as if the world is turning in slow motion. Making the situation even more awkward I open my mouth to try and speak.

“I uh, um, I was-“ I struggle to find exactly what I want to say as I stare at his body. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, because I’ve seen him in about the same amount of clothes before. Hell, he usually only where’s basketball shorts to bed and just this morning I saw him in nothing but a towel around his damp body.

Like the idiot I am, my finger hits the shutter button on my iPhone and the only sound heard between us is the click that I had just taken a picture. In shock I look down at my own phone, wondering how I had even accomplished taking his photo when I feel frozen in place.

“I can’t be the only one standing out here in my swimsuit.” Harry smirks, nodding his head towards me as I drop my phone down onto the blanket Harry had set out for us. I gulp, immediately looking down at my clothes. My shaking fingers run across the fabric of my tank top, lifting it up nervously as I look around.

Maybe this was a bad idea. The beach is beautiful and calming, but the swimwear, yes it was a bad call. I should’ve just forgotten to put on the swimsuit or told Harry the truth, but no. What if he doesn’t like what he sees? Why do I even care what he thinks? Because his opinion matters to me, that’s why. What if someone else is watching?

“Relax,” Suddenly Harry’s voice is much closer and when I look to my front I see him standing just a mere meter in front of me, “It’s only the two of us.” I sigh leaves my lips as my shoulders relax ever so slightly.

With a nod of my head, I take a step back and slowly pull my tank top over my head, tossing it down onto the towel. My eyes flash to Harry, and he’s caught smiling at me with his eyes scanning my body. Well, that has to be a good sign. There’s a sudden surge of confidence that runs through me when I see the look on Harry’s face and the glimmer in his emerald irises. Taking one last look around, I unbutton my shorts and shimmy them down my legs, leaving me the barest I’ve ever been in front of him. Part of me finds it odd that we somehow both settled on white swimwear today, but clearly I only had one option and so did he, so it’s pure coincidence.

“How do I look?” I ask, bringing my hands together to play nervously with my fingers. I see him visibly gulp, and I pray that it’s a good sign.

^^^

HARRY

I can’t seem to function at all.

One second I was fine, a cocky grin across my lips when I caught Shay staring at me like I was on display in a zoo. The next I’m completely frozen in place and trying to remember exactly how to breathe, blink, and hopefully control myself.

Her tall figure stands before me with, fumbling hands and a nervous expression etched across her features. I can’t take my eyes off the curves of her hips that sculpt perfectly up her slim body. The white bikini she’s clad in leaves little to the imagination and I find myself gulping at the sight. Her breasts are perfectly cupped in the top, her smooth, tan skin is on full display, and the lack of clothes makes her legs look ten times taller.

“How do I look?” She squeaks, pulling me from the initial wonder of her body like the yank of a chain.

“You look marvelous.” I breathe out, somehow managing to sound the least bit normal when I can’t seem to function anywhere else in my body.

Thoughts of spreadsheets, financial records, and blueprints flash across my mindset, hoping that I can stall the tightness forming in my trunks. I feel like I’ve seen my first bikini clad model in some tabloid that I must’ve stolen from my father, like a little boy.

“You really think?” Shay questions, a red blush taking over the expanse of her cheeks.

Gulping lightly, I manage to move myself a step closer, bringing our bodies to the point where we’re almost touching. I can swear that I feel the heat radiating off her body, either that or a heated breeze has just blown through the cove.

“I really do.” I assure her, bringing my hand up and placing it on her cheek. She averts eye contact with me and nuzzles her face against my palm as my thumb softly caresses her skin. “God you’re beautiful.” I mumble, placing my other hand around her so that I can pull her body towards me.

Shay’s still blushing as I pull her to me and I can feel her heart racing in her chest as I lower my head down, never breaking eye contact with the girl.

Our lips finally meet for a swift kiss and I find myself wanting to indulge more. My body can’t seem to control itself as my brain shouts at me to take it slow. My pulse rages, a sheen of sweat coats my forehead, and I feel like the uneasiness in my stomach will grow and grow. Every time I kiss Shay, I feel this way, like it’s my first kiss all over again. I’m nervous, and excited, and scared that she’ll reject me or that I’ll push too far.

Soon we’re both fighting for dominance of the kiss, Shay’s hands toying with some strands of my hair, the feeling erupting excitement within. My hand slides around to the back of her head, cupping her neck in the correct position so that my hungry lips don’t push her too far away.

I lose myself in her peppermint lips and the smell of her coconut body lotion ignites my senses with our close proximity. I dart my tongue out of my mouth and run it along the expanse of Shay’s bottom lip.

And just like that, we’re pulling away breathlessly.

“Wait.” She mutters, her eyelids fluttering open as her hands slide down to my chest from my neck.

Worry immediately surges through me, had I gone too far? Shay looks around nervously, avoiding my eye contact and I see the uneasy look take over her features.

“Oh my God, I pushed too far, didn’t I?” I find myself saying. Shay immediately shakes her head and takes a deep breath.

“No, Harry, you didn’t.” She breathes out, her hands continuing to slide south until they find my waist. Her hands feel like fire against my skin and even in this time of internal panic I find myself day dreaming about her hands roaming my body freely. The thought of her hands doing little to aide in my fight with my friend. “I just- I just had to breathe.” She stutters out, a small smile growing on her lips and I can’t tell if she’s lying to me or not. “Okay, I’m lying.” She admits, diverting her gaze from mine as she drops her head onto my bare chest.

“Tell me what I did wrong so I don’t do it again.” I urge her lightly.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, my brain did. My brain went to worse case scenario and my eyes were closed so I couldn’t see you. God I sound so stupid.” She mutters breathlessly. Her chest is rising and falling heavily now and I can’t tell if it’s from our events leading up to this conversation or the conversation itself. Shay brings her head up and looks me dead in the eyes. “I don’t remember all of what happened that night, so when I closed my eyes and I felt your lips on mine I just thought-“

“I’m sorry.” She shakes her head as guilt pours through me.

“It’s okay, we just need to take it slow because if I do then I’ll finally win.” I narrow my eyes at her in a confused expression, having no idea what she’s talking about. She giggles lightly and wraps her arms fully around me, giving me a soft squeeze. “Do you honestly think I don’t want to make out with you?” She questions. I shrug my shoulders, not knowing what to think. “Harry, I feel like a girl who’s waiting until marriage to have sex and I’m being exposed to a handsome man for the first time. It’s like an internal war with my own body.” I find myself smiling at her analogy.

So far in this relationship she has yet to speak her true feelings for me. I know that she likes me and cares for me as much as I like and care for her; but I don’t know how she’s feeling otherwise. I don’t know if she wants this as much as I do or if she even wants to be with me in a sexual way. Her saying this has eased my nerves just slightly.

“I want to kiss you without it being a problem, and I want to make out with you until my lips are sore and swollen, I want to wake up with love bites scattered across my neck to the point where I have to hide them at work with mounds of makeup, and I want to feel your body against mine in the most intimate of ways-“ I find myself gulping and pulling my hips away from hers to conceal the issue that I’m currently trying to fight off. “We just need to take it slow.” I clear my throat with a cough as I pull away ever so slightly.

“I agree completely.”

A frown takes over Shay’s features though and I find myself not knowing what I’ve done wrong again.

“Then why’d you pull away?” She questions, a certain shake in her voice. My jaw drops and I quickly shake my head, wanting to wrap her up in my arms and hold her close. But I know if I do, I’ll be fucked.

“Because-“ I mutter, clenching my jaw angrily. Her eyes are sad now and I feel so guilty.

Spit it out, be a man.

“Because of this!” I finally exclaim, turning slightly and motioning downward.

Shay’s eyes follow in suit and then grow double in size. Her jaw drops and there’s a blush that creeps across her cheeks. I don’t know how she’s going to react but before I know it she’s cackling loudly and doubling over clutching onto her stomach.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry!” She’s trying to be sincere but I can tell the humor of it all is winning. “I can’t believe-“ Her words are cut short with another bought of laughter.

In any other situation, or with any other girl, I’d be completely annoyed and angry. But with Shay all I feel at the moment is embarrassment and love for her laughter.

“I’ll be right back.” I mumble, feeling my own cheeks heat up.

“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.” She keeps repeating as I turn on my heels and stalk off towards the toilets. A smile is on my lips the second I can no longer see Shay and I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me that this vacation is only going to get better from here.

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