Eucatastrophe ~ h.s.

This isn't how I planned any aspect of my life to occur.

The plan was simple: Finish university with a 4.0 GPA, Get a well-paying corporate job that's more intense than the assistant job I've now, Find a man that loves me for me, Get married at a gorgeous ceremony, Have beautiful children, Grow old with the man of my dreams and watch our kids mature right before our eyes, and Then fall deeper and deeper in love with our time together.

That Night wasn't supposed to happen. My life wasn't supposed to turn out like this.

*Contains: Language, mild sexual content, and a bit of violence. Content could be triggering for some.*

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31. ✗ thirty ✗

SHAY

Dinner could not be more awkward than now.

Here I sit beside the man that admitted to me only hours prior that he loves me, avoiding said topic of conversation. We haven't actually spoken more than two sentences to each other either, making the whole experience even weirder. Every time Harry tries to pull me away or speak lowly to me someone interrupts us. It's as if his family doesn't want me to know whether or not their son or brother loves me.

Gemma keeps going on and on about our day together and how much she enjoys my company. I'm grateful for her kind words, but can't seem to hold a conversation with the lingering thoughts on my mind. She had invited me shopping in London for the banquet, which she heard I was attending and basically demanded that she help me dress for the occasion.

Anne and Robin have been filling my head with so many stories this evening that my brain is literally swirling. Anne tells me of young Harry and all the trouble he used to get himself in. Robin tells me of the time Harry got drunk a few years back after a family gathering and was doing the silliest of things. But don't ask me what those sill things were; I can't even remember myself.

It is absolutely crushing my heart and raising my anxiety that I don't know. The butterflies in my stomach have not stopped fluttering since we sat down together. Every time I lock eyes with Harry though they subside momentarily and my heart feels like it's being stepped on. It's literally killing me not knowing. It's also making me physically ill, that and the fact that I'm pregnant and the smell of meat is just so off-putting.

The feeling of Harry's hand on my thigh knocks me out of the trance that I've kept on my meal since I had received it. I haven't been able to eat all that much with the nausea, butterflies, and anxiety. I fear that too much food in my out-of-whacked system will be too much. I glance down at my lap to see his tanned hand in place, his thumb caressing my leg above my pants. I stare at the cross tattoo on his hand, my eyes immediately being drawn to it as if a silent plea to pray to the heavens above for this pain to stop.

"I need to use the toilets." I blurt out, standing to my feet at once. Everyone around the table stares at me, it seems that I've interrupted someone from speaking. I mentally curse myself and glance down at Harry, whom wears a worried expression on his face. "Please excuse me." I hope that my polite apology calms Harry down from doing anything stupid, like following me into the loo.

I make my way from the table towards the ladies room at the back of the restaurant, pushing the door open and stumbling in. As soon as the door is closed, I'm a stomping, cursing mess. My curses are light in volume, but very serious in tone.

I want to tell him that I love him and hope that he loves me back. I want to hold him in my arms and just talk all night like we do sometimes. I just want to be in a relaxed environment with him.

I walk over to the sinks and lean against the counter, my hands resting on the edge as I stare at the floor. I hear the door open and I shut my eyes shaking my head.

"Harry, not now." I mumble having a feeling he had chased after me.

He probably thought I'm leaned over the toilets, emptying my nervous stomach.

"Why would Harry be in here?" I stand tall at the woman's voice, coming face to face with Gemma. I bite my lip and chuckle lightly as if what I had said was a joke.

This is awkward.

"He wouldn't." I say, my tone questionable. I honestly have no lie for this. Might as well tell her all my life secrets including the biggest secret of them all. Gemma raises a brow as if she is amused by what I'm saying. "There was this one time that I ran into the bathroom at a party and he ran after me making sure I was alright."

"Why'd you run?"

"Some ass poured champagne down my front." I lie; well not really lie.

One time at uni some guy at a party did pour champagne down my top. We had been having a grand time at this party held at some rich kids house whilst his parents were away in Tahiti. This guy and I had been fairly close throughout the evening, and then he tried to get in my pants so I called him out in front of everybody and he threw his drink at me. What a guy.

"Are you okay though? Now I mean."

I can't honestly tell her what's bothering me, because it's petty and I'm overreacting, like always. My nerves just need to calm down a bit and all that takes is a few moments in silence to breathe. I nod to her and turn towards the mirror, exhaling deeply as I turn the faucet on to wash my hands.

"Yeah, I've just got a lot on my mind to be honest." I feel awful for lying to Gemma, she's such a truthful person. "Work has been hectic lately and I'm just extremely exhausted. This getaway is supposed to be relaxing and drama free."

"Your experiencing drama? Here in Holmes Chapel? Wow, that's first." I laugh and wipe my hands on a clean paper towel before throwing it into the bin. "You know I'm pretty good at reading people." Gemma calls out as my back is towards her. I bite my lip and sigh lightly, hoping that she's not that good. "Something happened between you and my brother, I assume."

"Nothing big." I assure her, turning to face her. She narrows her eyes and takes a step towards me. "Really, Gemma, it's nothing. It is actually quite stupid and I'm being a little bitch." I say, chuckling to myself. "One of my flaws is that I overreact easily and something he said to me earlier just keeps repeating itself." Gemma continues to look at me, but sighs heavily before shrugging. She didn't look quite convinced of my statement.

"Alright, but just know if you want to ever talk, about anything, I'm here." I nod. "And I mean anything, even some of my brother's weird tendencies."

"Okay." I laugh, shaking my head.

She outstretches her hand and I take it, allowing her to lead me out of the bathroom and back towards the table. Harry is sitting staring off towards us. I can see his leg bobbing up and down underneath the table and I can almost hear his erratically beating heart from a few meters away. He visibly relaxes once he sees me and the smile that adorned on my lips. I let go of Gemma's hand and sit down in my place.

"Are you alright?" He utters to me, sliding his hand into mine underneath the table. I look to him and for the first time since our awkward exchanging of words I nod and smile towards him comfortably.

"Yeah, just felt a little nauseas." I reply, leaning into his side. I can hear Harry's heart racing in his chest, but I pay no mind to it as I cuddle into him.

We'll just talk about it later, there's no need to stress over it now, in front of his family.

I'm finally starting to feel relaxed again as Anne picks up on a story that she must have been telling before I so rudely interrupted her. I squeeze Harry's hand intently before sitting straight and trying to finish off the food on my plate. The doctor says I need to gain weight and I haven't been doing a great job at it, even with Harry hounding me breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

"Harry? Harry Styles?"

I perk back into the conversation at the mention of Harry's full name, but it appears that it hasn't slipped from anyone's lips at the table. They're in fact looking over at Harry's side, with wide eyes and their jaws dropped, making my heart begin to race in my chest. I drop my fork lightly onto my plate and turn to look at whom the voice belongs to. My heart drops in my chest when I see it's a beautiful woman with a very large smile on her lips.

Her red hair is tied up in a topknot at the top of her head, with a few strands of hair curled around her face neatly. She's not that tall, but has long palm tree like legs, and the shoes on her feet only help enhance her lacking height. She's got to be way shorter than Harry, maybe his height with her shoes on. She's slim, like me, but I probably have a few pounds on her. And even though she has the makeup caked on I can just tell that she's beautiful without. She is the definition of a model; in fact she could be one if I didn't know better.

I don't even know her and I feel jealous. I have a feeling between the looks on everyone's faces and how she knows Harry that I'm not going to be very comfortable during this.

"Becca?"

There's a certain shock in his voice, and a hint of annoyance, which I gather subtly. Harry removes his hand and stands to his feet. I begin to freak out internally as to why he's stood up and I look to Gemma as to help me out. There's a prominent frown on her lips as she stares daggers into the girl. I hiss her name and gather her attention, pointing to the girl.

Gemma simply rolls her eyes and shakes her head. When I look back over to Harry, he's got his arms wrapped around the girl in a hug. Her head is over his shoulder and I see the largest smile on her lips. I can't help but notice how his clutch on the girl is light, whereas she's holding him like she never wants to let him go.

"Shay," I snap my head in the direction of Gemma, who is leaning way over to me, "remember the crazy girlfriend I was talking about from sixth form?" I think back to our conversation in the car and internally groan.

"I thought you said she was in France and married."

"I thought she was."

We both turn our attention back to the two who are now, thankfully, separated from each other. Harry looks to me with a frown on his lips as he scratches the back of his neck. He clears his throat and motions to the girl at his side, who is smiling sweetly down at everyone at the table, including me.

Nah bitch, you better run. I notice that her hand is wrapped around the back of him, resting on his hip, making me want to be sick.

"Mum, Robin, Gemma, you remember Becca from school." Harry mutters.

I can tell he's trying to be nice, the strain in his voice evident. I've heard this tone of voice many times at work when he's dealing with some employee that's screwed up. He talks to Melissa like this on the rare occasions that he talks to her. I start to feel less threatened by her.

"Hello." Anne says sweetly. I look to her and see a smile on her lips. I can't read the smile though, so I don't know if it's fake. Gemma said that Anne kicked her out of the house before, so maybe she doesn't like her either. I know Gemma clearly doesn't. Robin looks bored to death though.

"And this is Shay." Harry motions towards me, a pained look on his face. "My assistant." My heart officially cracks in my chest and I begin to feel extremely threatened by her presence.

I'm just his assistant now? So that was a slip of words earlier. He doesn't love me.

He's just pitying you because of your situation.

The tears are now pooling in my eyes and I know if I don't get up and leave they're going to be on display for everyone to see.

"Hi." I mutter angrily, my jaw clenched shut. The thought of staying here any longer, with Becca smiling down at me, irks me to new extremes. I snatch my bag up off the floor and stand to my feet, the legs of the chair scrapping against the hardwood floor. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Becca, you'll have to excuse me. I've got some assistant things to do." I say through clenched teeth as I turn and head towards the exit of the restaurant.

Harry doesn't call after me, which makes the urge to cry start bubbling towards the surface again.

I escape into the night air and begin down the sidewalk towards the direction of Anne and Robin's home. The drive only took us around five minutes so it shouldn't take me longer than twenty to get back. I know the way; it's pretty simple.

In the midst of being hurt and beyond pissed, I'm not even fazed to be walking all by myself at night. I should be scared out of my wits, but I'm not, just pissed.

The first few tears cascade my cheeks as I walk faster, wanting to distance myself from that restaurant as quickly as possible. I can't describe the pain that courses through my body just remembering how Harry had said my title.

I've only ever been his assistant, nothing more. What made me think that that would change?

I can't help but feel as if everything we've been through has been a lie. Those dates weren't out of love; they were out of pity. They were pity dates. He's only letting me stay at his place because he pities me and feels bad. Apparently he doesn't want to have to deal with a disappointment like me.

I thought he was being truthful. I thought he wasn't like other guys. I let my guard down. Why do you think I've never been with someone else in this way? Harry's my first real boyfriend, because I don't let anyone else into my life. I don't want to get hurt so I'm cautious and look where it got me.

"Shay!" I begin to cry harder at the sound of his voice behind me. The same raspy voice that I longed to hear day and night, singing or speaking, cracking a joke or telling me he cares. "Shay, stop!" He calls out, louder this time as if he thinks that I couldn't hear him the first time. He sounds out of breath, like he's been running. I don't turn around though, nor do I stop.

I don't want to talk to him or even look at him. I just want to get my stuff and go home. I have no home, because home is Harry's and I'm just a guest. "Shay, please stop! You're going to tire yourself out!" His voice is much closer now as I speed my pace up. So he cares now? "Shay!"

"Stop!" I scream, turning and beginning to walk backwards to continue the separation between us. The tears cloud my vision and dampen my cheeks. He's close in proximity now, maybe more than a couple meters. "I don't want to talk to you!" I continue walking backwards to distance myself from him.

"Shay stop." Harry warns, slowing to a walk, his tan boots smacking against the pavement. "Love," Oh God, that nickname, "your emotions are all over the place, let's just calm down and talk about this."

"Do not blame my behavior on my pregnancy!" I shout, not caring that the entire town could probably hear me right about now. At the moment, keeping the pregnancy a secret isn't at the top of my priority list. "Just stop, okay?"

"No, Shay, you stop."

The sadness in his eyes is nothing but pity for me. I'm a sad excuse of a woman and he knows it. Hell, he opened my eyes to it.

"No! You can't tell me what to do! We're apparently nothing, so why should I listen to you!" I shout, my anger getting the best of me.

I want to stay calm deep inside, but it feels as if I just can't. I've made a fool of myself already and now Harry's made me out to be a fool in front of his family, I have a right to be furious. Maybe they already know I'm a pity case, maybe that's why they were so kind to me. "Harry, you don't have a say in what I do! You're not my boyfriend anymore!"

"Shay!" He yells before lunging forward and grabbing me as the sound of tires squealing and a horn blaring hits my eardrums. I scream and squeeze my eyes shut as the blinding of headlights meets my eyes. Harry clutches me to him, pulling me back so that I'm resting against him. The horn blares a bit longer as someone yells some obscene words about watching where I was going.

"Oh my God, Shay, are you okay?" I bawl into his chest, my face buried against his button up shirt.

"Let go of me." I hiss when realization dawns on me. I push him back with all the might in my body and Harry stumbles back a couple steps. Yes, I was almost just hit by a car, but I'm still mad at Harry, so there's no way I'm letting him hold me. He's the reason I ran. "Stop chasing after me. I'm a lost cause, right? All you've been doing these past few months is pity me, and I'm sick of it!"

"What are you talking about?" Harry exclaims, confusion written all over his features. He yells, but he doesn't sound entirely angry, more confused and annoyed.

"Listen, I get it, Harry."

"Get what? Shay, I honestly have no idea what you're talking about right now." Harry fires back, taking a step towards him. I continue to cry and shake my head as he comes closer.

"I'm just your assistant! That's all I am to you, isn't it? You pity me because you feel guilty that you didn't do anything to prevent what happened that night. I'm right, aren't I? You've told me before how you felt guilty, so it must be the whole reason behind your intentions."

Harry looks angry now and it's kind of scary. The way his jaw clenches shows me he's biting back vicious words. His fists are bawled at his sides and I fear for a minute that he might strike me, but I know Harry will never hurt me. He could never hurt a fly, without good intentions of course.

"Listen to yourself, Shay." He seethes, lips barely moving. "You're talking crazy. This is because I told Becca you were my assistant and not my girlfriend, isn't it?" He pauses for a moment, but not long enough for me to interject. "Of course it is." He says to himself, running a hand through his long curls that I so desperately want to tug on. Shut it hormones, now's not the time. "I only told her that because she works for a newspaper in Paris!" He exclaims, no longer angry. "I assume you know who she is, Gemma told you, right?"

I slowly nod, unable to speak as my sobs are currently choking me. Part of me wants so desperately to run away from him and cower away from everybody, but my feet won't move. It's like someone super glued them to the concrete. But the other part of me wants to run into his arms and cry into his embrace, maybe even kiss a bit. God, my hormones are fucked up.

"She uses the fact that we used to date against me so that she can come into my life and write shit about me and business for her paper. I didn't want her to know who you really are to me because I don't want your face to be spread over the cover of every tabloid from France to the United States of America. You," He takes a step towards me and I make no move to step away, "and this baby," He reaches forward and presses a warm hand to my stomach, causing my breath to hitch in my throat, "are too important to me to let that happen. I'd rather the media write so much shit about me that causes my business to fail rather than having you out on display for every God-damn soul to ridicule and attack." He breathes out, his voice much calmer now.

My head hangs low as his words process in my mind. I trust Harry, with every single bone in my body, yet I'm quick to judge him when he does something so sweet and harmless. Yet again my better judgment got ahead of my actions. I overreacted again.

I cry harder at the realization that I fucked up this time and this fight could make or break us. My stupid hormones and me screwed this up.

"Shay, I did it because I love you." Harry admits, causing my eyes to snap up and meets his. His emerald irises show sincerity. His hand slides from my stomach around to my lower back so that he pulls me into him. "I meant what I said earlier, it just wasn't how I imagined telling you. I wanted it to be more romantic than a simple slip up." He rambles.

"You love me?" Harry nods, eyes scanning my face for any sign of emotion. I don't give him one though I'm in too much shock. "You really love me?"

"Of course I do."

And then I start to cry harder, because my emotions are all over the place and no one has ever said they loved me. I began crying out of anger and sadness, but now it's nothing but pure relief and happiness, as well as embarrassment for causing a scene.

"Shay, I love you more than anything in the world and I've known since the day I met you. I don't expect you to tell me it back; we've only really been dating for a couple weeks. I know you well enough to know that you're probably scared and hesitant, so don't feel pressured to-"

"I love you too." I croak out, tears still streaming heavily down my cheeks. Harry blinks slowly, eyes scanning my face closely again. "I've known for a while too but I didn't know if you felt the same way." Harry sighs and smiles, resting his forehead against mine.

"Of course I feel the same way."

"I'm sorry I screwed up." I mumble, closing my eyes and letting the tears cascade down my cheeks.

"No, you didn't screw up. Don't apologize." I nod and lean forward, collapsing in Harry's embrace. He holds me tightly, kissing my hair and telling me that he loves me as I continue to let everything out. "Just please don't ever run into a street again. You scared the shit out of me."

"I won't. I promise." Harry sighs heavily and tightens his grip around me.

The sound of his steady heartbeat is where I focus all of my attention as my own heartbeat slows, matching his pace. The tears are no longer flowing from my eyes, but the stains on my cheeks are still present. I bet my makeups smeared and my eyes are bloodshot. I probably look like a mess.

"Come on, let's go." Harry mutters, placing a kiss to my forehead as I pull away.

"I'm kind of not in the mood to eat anymore." Harry leans over and presses a kiss to the side of my head before whispering an I know in my ear. His hand finds mine as we begin walking back towards the restaurant in silence.

My gaze is cast to the pavement, watching as my shoes click against the surface, creating the only real sound that's heard. The streetlights provide the only real light, besides the moon, and the ground glistens with the rain that fell whilst we ate.

"There you two are!" I hear Anne exclaim, but I don't make a motion to look up. I'm too embarrassed for ruining dinner and running out.

"Are you okay?" Gemma asks. I assume she's speaking to me but I don't make a move to answer her or look to her. "Harry, is she okay?" Gemma pushes, her attention now on her brother. She walks towards us and I simply stare at her adorable shoes, she bought them today at the boutique.

"Yeah, Shay's fine. Let's just go guys." Harry urges, fishing his keys out of his pocket. "Robin, why don't you drive?" Harry suggests, before untangling our hands and wrapping his arm around my shoulders to pull me into him. Robin responds in short to Harry as we begin to walk down the sidewalk to where Harry had parked his car earlier.

Gemma stays at my other side and I can feel her eyes on me. I take a deep breath and gain the courage to look over at her. Her eyes show concern and she immediately wraps an arm around my waist and rests her head against mine.

"Thanks Gem." I whisper, my voice weak from all the screaming and crying.

"No problem. Are you sure you're okay?" She asks me, matching my level of volume.

I nod to her and send her a small smile, one that's clearly fake but I hope she can't tell. I really just want to forget all about today, curl up in bed with Harry, and sleep until I cannot sleep any longer.

"I'm fine."

"Gemma, she's fine." Harry urges.

I can hear the annoyance in his voice and I simply nudge him to get him to shut it. I look to him and shake my head. He sighs and presses a kiss to the side of my head as we approach the car. He detaches himself from me before opening the door for Gemma and I. Gemma slides in the back first before, I slide in. I quickly buckle as Harry gets in himself and before I know it we're cuddled up in the backseat as Robin drives back to the house.

"I'm tired." I mutter, staring out the window that's near Harry's head. He nods his head in agreement before placing yet another kiss to my head.

"Well, we'll turn in early. Tomorrow I'm showing you Holmes Chapel." Harry utters after placing another kiss to my hair. "It's just going to be you and I, no one else." I nod my head against his chest before gaining the courage to sit tall and look directly into his eyes. He looks back at me, slightly confused why I'm suddenly sitting taller than before. I lean towards him so that my lips are near his ear.

"I love you." I whisper before placing a kiss to his cheek and snuggling back against him.

I really just want to tell him every second of the day that I love him, no matter what. Harry chuckles lightly, his chest vibrating beneath me.

"I love you more, Shay."

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