Eucatastrophe ~ h.s.

This isn't how I planned any aspect of my life to occur.

The plan was simple: Finish university with a 4.0 GPA, Get a well-paying corporate job that's more intense than the assistant job I've now, Find a man that loves me for me, Get married at a gorgeous ceremony, Have beautiful children, Grow old with the man of my dreams and watch our kids mature right before our eyes, and Then fall deeper and deeper in love with our time together.

That Night wasn't supposed to happen. My life wasn't supposed to turn out like this.

*Contains: Language, mild sexual content, and a bit of violence. Content could be triggering for some.*

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SHAY

11 May

Well, I didn't go into the office on Sunday. But I also didn't leave bed the entire day. I'm not sure what had happened from Saturday night into Sunday afternoon but I was sicker than a dog. I spent the entire day either crouched in front of the toilet or moaning in bed. Harry kept his distance, per my request of not wanting to get him sick on top of all this. He assured me it was just the 24-hour flu on behalf of me not taking care of myself and that I probably had caught bug from the hospital when I was there. Whatever I caught is awful though.

And I continued to be sick all week, up until today. I'm in and out of the bathroom throughout the day, but in between I feel rather fine. Web.md is usually not where I would go to look up symptoms but they assure me that it's just the flu. Flu or not it's kicking my ass and making more things difficult than they already are.

Harry stayed at home from work with me Monday, Tuesday, and now today as well. His excuse is that if I'm continuing to get sick he doesn't want me passing out and hitting my head on the toilet and he wants to be nearby if something is to happen. As kind as it is I still feel guilty for him missing work. Fortunately, I'm able to work from bed, which brings a bit of happiness to me.

Like now for instance, I'm sat propped up in bed, a cup of peppermint tea on the bedside table as well as some crackers. My laptop sits on my lap, open to some paper that I'm reviewing for Harry and another page is open so that I can finish finding Harry's cousin her damn present. I'm very peaceful, for the most part, that is until someone knocks on the door.

"Yes?" I call out, finishing reading the sentence I'm on. Harry opens the door and peeks his head in the room before entering. For some reason whenever I just as much as look to Harry a smile comes to my lips. He's truly a really great friend and I technically am not sure that's our title. Surely he won't allow any coworker to sleep in his bed and sit at his house for more than a few nights.

"Hey." He says, stuffing his hands into the pocket's of his skinny jeans. I learn that when he works from home he likes to wear his skinny jeans and a loose fitting t-shirt to keep comfy. Whereas I'm wearing a pair of sleep shorts and a heavy jumper to keep my chills at bay.

"Hey, what's up?" I ask, tossing my laptop to the side of me. It falls softly against the soft duvet that belongs to Harry. I still feel very guilty for sleeping in his room when I can be perfectly fine in an inadequate guest bed, but I can't be bothered to move at this point in time.

"Just wanted to see how you were feeling." He says, walking over and taking a seat at the edge of the bed. I shrug my shoulders and push the duvet down my legs, feeling the urge to walk around for a bit. My legs are beginning to fall asleep from sitting for so long and I know that I can't spend every second of the day in bed.

"I'm feeling much better actually. Thank you." I say, getting out of bed and walking around the room a bit. Harry remains sitting on his bed, watching me walk.

I really am feeling quite better. For now I don't feel ill and mentally the nightmares have been only coming far and few in between. I'm feeling well rested and, dare I say it, a bit happy.

"I'm really sorry for keeping you away from work. I've told you a thousand times you can go into the office, I'll be fine." Harry chuckles and shakes his head, running a hand through his unruly head of curls. I'm growing fonder of the length the more time I spend with him.

"I'm not taking any chances with you." I nod my head, inhaling deeply through my nose as the feeling of being sick again grew. Usually breathing helps fight the urge to vomit, which is if I focus enough. Breathing also helps with the raging headache that's suddenly brought on by standing.

So maybe I lied when I said I was feeling "quite" better. When I don't move I feel pretty grand, but as soon as I move it's like my world comes crashing down.

"Shay, are you sure you're okay? You are not looking so good right now." I shake my head at his remark, but that only makes the headache worse. I'm not sure with this sickness, but I'm beginning to curse my body for being so susceptible to illness. When I was a kid, I was always the first in my class to fall victim to the flu or the common cold.

"I'm fine." I mutter, bringing a hand up to my temple to rub the pain away. The headache will only last for a few minutes before dispersing; it's really weird. Out of the corner of my eye I see Harry stand from where he is and approach me slowly. "Harry, I'm-" I stop midsentence, the headache spiking to a new level of pain.

What the hell is wrong with me?

"How about you sit, yeah?" He suggests, lightly placing his hands onto my shoulders and guiding me slowly towards the bed. I don't put up much of a fight as he walks with me, feeling worse by the moment.

"Okay," I breathe out, fighting of every feeling of sickness, "I don't actually feel good." I admit once I'm sat on the edge of his bed. Harry kneels before me, staring up at my face. My legs shake up and down nervously as I sit. Harry's hands are on either side of my legs, waiting to catch me if I so much as lean too forward on my bum.

"Do you feel like you're going to be sick?" I shrug my shoulders, moving my free hand to my stomach. I close my eyes slowly, feeling my body involuntarily rock as if I were swaying on a boat. A boat that's hitting hard waves every few seconds. "Shay?" Black dots are beginning to take over my eyesight as I lean forward a bit more.

Suddenly, a sharp pain spreads throughout my stomach and a loud groan leaves my lips. Harry's hand immediately lunges forward holding me up so I won't fall to the floor. Worry is present on his face, it always is around me, but now worse than ever. The pain felt like I'm being stabbed from the inside out, my lower abdomen wanting to be ripped out of my body.

"Oh God." I groan out, no longer being able to internalize the pain any longer.

"Hold on. You're okay Shay." Harry snatches his phone from his jeans and dials the number of Emergency Services, explaining to the person on the other line what is going on. His other hand is being clenched in one of mine, his skin turning white with the pressure I'm putting on it. "Shay, take a deep breath, okay?" The black dots return again, but this time they just continue to spread across my vision.

"Harry." I mutter out, my body feeling farther and farther away from something that I can control. I hear Harry say my name again, but everything falls into a solid darkness before I can respond.

&&&

I know where I am before I even opened my eyelids. The constant beeping that's coming from the distance and the smell of the room around me clued me into where I am. I hate this place more than anything in the world right now, and so does my bank account.

Although, I feel a whole hell of a lot better now than I had before, I'm still not feeling 100%. The splitting headache is gone, aside from a dull ache that should surely go away with more sleep. The pain in my abdomen has vanished as well and the urge to throw up is no longer present. I keep my eyes closed though, afraid if I open them the headache will return or everything will go back to the way it was before. I'm not pushing my luck.

I try to move my hand, but find that it's enclosed in someone else's hand, so tightly that I think I won't get it back. The person grows stiff when I try to move again, calling out my name lightly, wondering if I'm awake.

"Shay?"

"Mmmm." I hum out, deciding it's now or never to open my eyes, headache or not.

My eyelids flutter open to a dimly lit hospital room. It's all white, like I had expected, and we are all alone. The room is almost identical to the first hospital room. I turn my head to the side, seeing Harry. His hair looks as if he's spent hours running his hands through it. His leg is bouncing up and down at a rapid pace, another sign of nervousness. He's sat in one of those plastic chairs that hurt your ass after five minutes and there's worry etched across his features. His hand has mine captured, being the reason for me not able to move.

"Thank God, you're awake." I exhale deeply and blinked my eyes again, trying to get the drowsiness to go away. He sounds as if he thought I'd never wake up. Surely, he's being dramatic, right? "I'm so glad you're awake. You scared me half to death."

"How long have I been out?"

"Only a few hours, but you were in and out when Emergency Services arrived at the house." Great. "How are you feeling now?" He asks cautiously. I shrug my shoulders, not knowing what to say. I no longer feel like I'm going to die, but who knows, maybe the pain is laying dormant for a moment. I look down at our attached hands and then back up at Harry's face.

"Can I have my hand back now?" Harry's eyes widen slightly before looking at our joined hands. He lets my hand go and places his in his lap before nervously looking around the small room.

"Sorry."

"It's okay." I stretch my fingers out and look to the IV that is stuck in my arm as well. You really did it now Shay. Another hospital visit in the amount of three weeks. "What happened?"

"Your guess is as good as mine." Harry breathes out, leaning back in his seat. "You remember feeling sick?" I nod my head. "Well you just passed out and then when the ambulance was here you were in and out of consciousness. It was quite scary. The doctors took you back, ran some tests, and then let me see you. That was a few hours ago."

"What were the tests for?" Harry shrugs as a knock arises from the door behind him. The same doctor that saw me the last time I was here comes into the room with a smile on her lips. Clearly, this isn't too serious if she's grinning. Another woman follows her closely, dressed the same as my doctor.

Oh God, they're bringing in another doctor because they don't know what's wrong with you, my subconscious is screaming to me to get out, but I simply shake it off. I don't need to freak myself out before I know what's going on.

"Hello Shay, do you remember me? I'm Doctor Barnes? I saw you the last time you were here." I do recognize her and her heavy Irish accent as well. She was very kind to me when I was here last, checking up on me even after she got off shift.

"Yes, I remember, hello." I reply, my voice quiet and my eyes scanning everyone's face before falling back to Harry.

"How are you feeling?"

"Okay, little tired and quite freaked out if I'm being honest." Dr. Barnes takes a step closer to me, examining the IV along with the wires that are hidden behind the ugly light blue gown that I'm made to wear.

"Well, the fatigue is normal. I know what happened to you today was scary, but I promise we'll help you through this so that never happens again." Her words do little to ease my nerves.

"Dr. Barnes, what is wrong with me?" I blurt out. I can't take not knowing anymore. If I'm dying, I want to know. If I'm perfectly fine, I want to know.

"Well, you experienced a dizzy spell from lack of fluids and nutrients," Of course I did, "but it wasn't just because of that." She says, smiling lightly to the woman who had followed her in. "Shay, this is Doctor Macy Surrey." I give her a nod as to say hello. "Dr. Surrey, this is Shay and her fiancé Harry." Shit, so that lie is still going on. I peer down at Harry, narrowing my eyes slightly at him. He shrugs his shoulders and mouths, roll with it.

"Pleasure to meet the both of you." She's a very gorgeous doctor, almost too pretty to be in the field of medicine and not a model or actress. She has a slim body, that was masked behind a pair of navy scrubs and her blonde hair is pulled into a high, very neat bun. Her light makeup even looks professionally done.

"I don't mean to be rude, but what does Dr. Surrey have to do with any of this." Harry speaks up, standing from his chair to show off his height. He towers over the two women as he takes a small step closer to my bedside.

"She specializes with patients in your current condition." I look up to Harry, who simply shrugs and looks back to the doctors. Worry creeps into my body again. If she has called in a specialist than something is truly wrong. Without thinking I reach out, grabbing hold of Harry's hand. He looks to our hands and then up at my face.

"You're okay." He utters, giving my hand a soft squeeze. I purse my lips together and nod my head, turning my attention back to the doctors.

"And what condition would that be?" I wonder eyes scanning the two women before me. Dr. Surrey grins down at me whilst Dr. Barnes wearily bites down on her bottom lip. Her body language is making me nervous. Actually, everything about this is making me nervous.

"Shay, you're pregnant."

Everything and everyone in the room at that moment freeze to me. The only sound coming from anybody is that of Harry's phone hitting the floor and my heart shattering into little tiny pieces. After everything I've been through the past few days with forgetting that night, I'm thrown back into the drama once again. That night is supposed to remain in the past. It haunts me enough without a constant reminder, but now I'll have a reminder every day of my life. This can't be happening.

I can't be a mother. Hell, I can't be a mother to a child that's made from love and a steady relationship, let alone this; I'm just a baby myself. I'm twenty-one and not nearly ready for parenthood. I don't know the first thing about children. My parents, obviously, are horrid parents to me so I learned nothing. But I especially cannot be a mother to a child that will be half me and half that of the man who single-handedly ruined my life and broke me. The thought of that child having his features and wondering why his or her father isn't here is giving me a panic attack.

My breathing picks up erratically as my hands shake. I feel numb, absolutely numb to the core. I'm on the verge of tears as well; my throat is closing up in hopes to contain the tears. My hand falls from Harry's grasp and claws at my own chest and neck as if it will help me. I'm only pulled from my trance by a blinding light that was flashed across both my pupils. Dr. Barnes is knelt before me with her little flashlight and a concerned look on her face.

"Shay, can you hear me?" And then I fall frozen again, feeling as if I'm in a sitting coma. I simply nod my head to her question, staring past her as the first few tears stream from my eyes and fall down my cheeks. "Okay, I need you to take nice, big deep breaths for me. We can't have you going into shock so I need you to remain calm." I breathe with her, watching her chest rise and fall at a moderate pace. The lightheadness that was brought on by breathing quickly and heavily is subsiding with how she's having me breathe and I begin to feel a bit more in control at the moment.

"I can't." I cry out, the tears I've tried to conceal are finally let free. "I can't do this." I begin to claw at the IV on my arm in hysterics. I need to get out of this hospital and away from people.

"Shay, no." Dr. Barnes scolds, grabbing ahold of my scratching hand. Dr. Surrey runs to her aid, holding my other hand down as I thrash about, screaming and sobbing. "Shay, you need to calm down before we restrain you."

"Please, I can't-" I cry out, my words not making sense to anyone, including me.

"Shay." The raspy, low voice pulls me from fighting the doctors and my tear filled eyes flash to his dark green irises. He stands at the end of the bed, hands resting on my legs, probably trying to keep me from thrashing around too. "Look at me." I do what he says, the tears still falling. "You need to calm down." His words are slow, pulling me into a trance and making everything around me move slower. "Just keep your eyes on me." My eyelids are beginning to feel heavier by the second as they try to study Harry's smooth features. "Everything is going to be okay." He assures me, my eyes drooping closed before springing open again.

"Harry?" My voice comes out weak and seems far off. I don't sound like myself.

"It's okay. I'm not going anywhere." He says, reaching forward at a snails pace and taking ahold of one of my hands. He gives my hand a squeeze that I barely feel as my eyes droop closed again. "There you go." He coaxes, the feelings of his thumb running across the back of my hand the only thing that I can feel. "You're okay." 

And then there's darkness.

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