Eucatastrophe ~ h.s.

This isn't how I planned any aspect of my life to occur.

The plan was simple: Finish university with a 4.0 GPA, Get a well-paying corporate job that's more intense than the assistant job I've now, Find a man that loves me for me, Get married at a gorgeous ceremony, Have beautiful children, Grow old with the man of my dreams and watch our kids mature right before our eyes, and Then fall deeper and deeper in love with our time together.

That Night wasn't supposed to happen. My life wasn't supposed to turn out like this.

*Contains: Language, mild sexual content, and a bit of violence. Content could be triggering for some.*

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10. ✗ nine ✗

SHAY

The rest of the morning ran rather smoothly for me, as apposed to how my mornings had been going before. The fact alone that I slept for more than two hours was enough to put a small smile on my face and give me the hope that everything could go back to normal. But my morning just continues to get better, little by little.

Harry made me a lovely breakfast of toast, eggs, bacon, and tea. It was delicious, though I only ate half my toast and a couple bites of eggs and bacon, and on top of that I didn't lose it like I thought I would. That bit of food is giving me enough energy to do something other than sit on my ass like I have been.

I got a shower in; a shower in which I kept to less than thirty minutes surprisingly. I got dressed in clothes other than leggings or sweatpants and an oversized jumper. This time when I appeared before a mirror I couldn't help but slowly start to see the girl I once knew appear again. She's starting to look better, still ill looking, but better.

But now, now it's quiet.

Harry and I have been sat out on his patio for the past hour in nothing but silence. I've been avoiding his potent stare and silent urges for me to talk and he's being his pushy self whilst trying to keep his need for me to speak at bay. I applaud him for keeping quiet thus far. I never knew he had it in him. And I it's taking this time to muster up as much courage as I can to tell him what happened that night.

In order to help myself I'm going to tell him everything. I'm not going to shy away from details; I'm going to tell him the cold, hard truth.

"Okay." I finally announce, bringing my knees up to my chest and resting my head atop my bony knees. My voice must have startled Harry, because he jumps ever so slightly. "I'm going to talk." I begin, watching him carefully. "I'm going to tell you everything because I honestly just can't take the silence anymore. But you have to promise me something."

"Anything."

"After this, you can't bring it up again. You just can't. I want this time to be the last time I have to talk about this with you, or anyone else for the matter." Harry nods right away. I know he'd do anything for me just to open up and speak with him.

"Okay, well-"

It takes a total of twenty minutes to get the whole story out through broken sentences and sobs that rack through my body. Harry keeps his distance from me, sitting upon the chair to my right, but listens intently. It's as if my hurt is hurting him as I speak. I can't help but see something flash beyond those beautiful green eyes of his. And after I'm finished, we just sit in silence; the only sound is my own tears coming to an end.

I feel oddly better though. I feel as if the weight that has been resting on my shoulders, pulling me down and dragging me along the ground, is no longer there. I feel like I can fully breathe for the first time since that night. I'm feeling better overall, aside from the churning in my stomach that's clearly from lack of eating. But I feel good.

"Then you know the rest." I utter, my voice incredibly shaky as I wipe the last bit of tears off my cheeks. I'm done crying for myself. Harry nods his head before standing to his feet and dropping down on the outdoor couch beside me. He keeps a few inches distance, but is close enough that it's calming.

After a few moments of complete silence and me composing myself, I reach over and take his hand in mine. My eyes stare out into the garden, training upon the grass there. I can feel Harry's eyes on me and then on our hands intertwined, but I don't mind. I don't know why I grabbed ahold of his hand, but it feels nice.

"I'm so sorry Shay." I shake my head, not wanting his pity. "No, you got to talk and now I get to, without interruption." He's right, all throughout my story he stayed silent just listening to what I had to say. "I can't help but feel responsible." My head cocks in his direction as fast as it can, my eyes widening. Why would he think that? "I shouldn't have let you go alone. If I could redo that night I would have made you take my car or I would've driven you home myself. I would not have let you leave by yourself." I shake my head slowly, taking in a shaky breath of fresh air.

"You can't blame yourself. What happened is in the past and that's something we can't change." I stare over at him, my hand instinctively squeezing his. "I've, unfortunately, come to terms with that." His eyes are trained on the holes in his skinny jeans and our hands resting on his thigh. He's picking slightly at the fray there, a nervous tick that I'm beginning to recognize. "I want nothing more than to change that night, but I can't do anything about it."

"I know, but-"

"No." I say sternly. "It's my turn to say no and be stern." I say, trying to keep my tone stern like I had said. It's rather hard to though, looking at a face like his in such a state. If I were to be stern with him at work I'm a boss at it. But not now. "Here's what we're going to do. I am going to get better and not dwell on the past. You are going to help me get well and you're not going to dwell on the past either." Harry sighs heavily before tearing his eyes from his knee and giving my hand a firm squeeze.

"You're right."

"Of course I am." This brought a tiny smile to Harry's lips as well as my own.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything." I say, slowly. I'm afraid of what will be said between us right about now.

"What about school?" I drop my head low. "You work full time for me and then I know you're taking classes. Have you been continuing that?"

I had my plans for university already shaped out how I wanted. I was going to graduate with a degree in finance and marketing in around four years (meaning I will be finished with school in a semester). If I needed to go another year to expand my studies I would, but I would go no longer than six years at uni.

Through my depression I had made many major life decisions, on of those being the future of my education.

"I am taking a break." I mutter, clasping my hands together in my lap. "For how long, I'm not sure, but I will go back when I'm ready. I can think about starting next semester in the fall." It's April, surely five months from now things will be normal... hopefully.

"Alright," He turns in his seat, facing me and letting out a large sigh at my plan. Our hands our still connected on his lap, "tell me what I can do to help."

"Okay, first," I take a deep breath and turn to face Harry so we were sitting the same way, "we never bring it up again. I feel a whole hell of a lot better now that I told you and I don't want to go back to the way I was."

"Deal."

"Next, you're going to help me get back into the swing of things so I can go back to work." Harry opens his mouth to speak, but I'm far from finished. "I need to look like I'm in good shape before going back there. If I went in still feeling slightly awful and looking like a zombie everybody would know what something is up." Harry only nods. "That being said, I need to learn how to eat again." A chuckle leaves Harry's lips at my phrase. "I know it sounds funny, but it's true. My body can only take small amounts of food and you're going to help me work back up so that I'm healthy again."

"I can do that. Anything else?"

"Just a few more things..."

&&&

"What are you working on?" Harry's voice emits from somewhere behind me, but I don't turn and look just continue to work.

I took it upon myself to find the schedule for the next few weeks and when I did, I was immediately appalled. I had never before seen such an unorganized schedule; it was unbearable to read. Whoever wrote it, clearly was drunk whilst doing so, or had never attended a day of schooling in his or her life.

"Working." I mumble, continuing to type. It's taken a few minutes, but my typing is returning back to its normal one hundred and twenty words per minute mark. That's something I hold dear to me, the quickness of my typing skills.

"You're working?" Harry asks in disbelief, coming from around the couch and plopping down on the coffee table before me. I peer over the screen for half a millisecond before letting my eyes fall back to the screen, and then do a double take of who is sitting before me.

His hair is pulled up in a bun, unlike how it is normally free and flowing. He wears athletic shorts and a clean shirt, though from the slight smell his body is producing and the look of sweat on his glistening skin I know he's thrown the shirt on for my sake. There's a pair of running shoes on his feet and a white towel thrown over his shoulder that he keeps dabbing his forehead with to rid himself of sweat. This is a side of Harry Styles I have never seen before.

"What are you wearing?" I question, forgetting about my work for a moment. Harry looks down at his clothes as if he was wearing some foreign outfit, or that God-awful Gucci suit.

"Gym clothes." He says with a quirk of his lips on the left side. The smirk alone has me rolling my eyes at him. "They're clothes you wear when you workout."

"Clearly."

"Why question it then?" I shrug my shoulders and lean back against the couch, giving my aching back a rest from being hunched over my poor, overworked laptop.

"I've just never seen you in anything other than suits and the occasional pair of skinny jeans." I admit, smiling over at him lightly.

The rest of the day has run smoothly, to the point where Harry and I are sharing laughs like old friends. For a while I had forgotten all about why I'm really here, I'm living in the moment. Then I remember that I haven't been to work in a very, very long time so I decided to dedicate some much needed time to that, whilst Harry was apparently working out. I really just need to rid my mind of memories and flood it with work or other stimulating things; like puzzles or game shows.

"I wear normal clothes Shay." Harry says, faking a look of shock. "I'm not just some billionaire who wears suits all the time. Plus, you'd never be able to get the stench of sweat out of a good, expensive suit." I lean forward over the lid of my computer and smirk over at him.

"So, you'd rather get the stench of your stinky sweat all over me instead?" I quirk an eyebrow upward and stare Harry down. Pretending to take a large inhale of Harry I feign sick with the "stench". Honestly, he doesn't smell all too bad. I can still smell his normal Tom Ford cologne waft off his body. I would know it's Tom Ford only because Harry sent me out once for an "Emergency Cologne" run before a very important client meeting. "Oh God, the smell!" I exclaim, plugging my nose. "It's awful! Tell my laptop I love him." I sing out whilst falling onto my side on the couch.

"Shut it." Harry mutters, clearly finding my horrid acting amusing. I roll my eyes before sitting back up and opening the lid of my computer again. I've put off work enough.

After the schedule I have to review notes, email a few people, and I'm supposed to look into some possible birthday presents for Harry's cousin. Apparently her birthday is nearing sooner than I thought and I had put this task off for too long.

"No seriously what are you working on?" Harry asks, hovering his bum from the coffee table and trying to peer over my screen to see what I'm doing. I shift ever so slightly so he can't see.

"Trying to fix the mistakes of whoever tried to do your schedule whilst I was away." I mutter, not taking my eyes off the screen. "Care to share whom did it?" I wonder. If it was Harry then I'm going to be completely appalled and I know he will never be able to survive without me. If it was Melissa who did the scheduling, than I'm not truly surprised and I will be forced to rethink ever considering her as an intern.

Harry huffs loudly before laying his back on the coffee table and staring up at the ceiling, resting his hands on his stomach. I peer over my screen and watch with a curious eye.

"You really should fire your intern." I groan and internally scream, I knew it! What little faith I've once had for Melissa is now gone with the wind, as will her job when I return to the office. Harry pops his head up a bit and smiles over at me. The smile alone makes a giggle arise from my lips for it's just too damn adorable for a businessman.

"You know, somehow I figured it was her."

"We've all missed you at the office, you know." I save the progress I've made before closing out of Harry's calendar. "Nothing gets done when you're not in. Melissa keeps coming to me for help and most of the time I have no idea what to tell her. And I," He pauses, sitting up slowly, "am completely lost."

"Shush." I mutter, opening one of the many website possibilities that Harry gave me for his cousin's birthday present. I have a budget of three hundred pounds, of which I have no idea what I'm going to get her. It's especially hard since I've never met the woman. "I'm sure you were just fine without me."

"Do you know how many meetings I was late to because Melissa simply forgot to put them on the calendar?" I can imagine how many meetings. "Do you know how unprepared I was for board meetings without our usual prep?" Honestly, we skip the prep a bunch of times so he should be used to it by now. "Do you know how lonely I was without you in the next room over?" 

"Well, you're living and breathing now so it didn't kill you." Harry shrugs his shoulders, once again over dramatizing the situation. "By the way, what exactly did you say on my behave for not being in?" I ask. I only pray that the truth was not told.

"Oh, I just sent out a memo saying that you were sick with the flu the first week and then this past week I said you were on a much needed vacation in Manchester."

"Why Manchester?"

"Because it was the first place that came to mind and I had been talking to my mother on the phone prior to sending the email out so I had Manchester on the brain." I chuckle and turn my attention back to my laptop.

Our quiet laughter soon falls into an easy silence that covers the entire ground floor, neither one of us making a move to speak. Harry is still sitting on his coffee table, twirling his hands in his lap quietly whilst the wheels are clearly turning in his brain. I just know he's planning something in that big head of his, I just hoped it doesn't involve me doing something too drastic.

"What is it Harry?" I ask after a few more moments in silence. I feel as if Harry thinks any harder then his brain might explode. I don't want to be responsible for that.

"Well, I was thinking,"

"Clearly-"

"Don't interrupt." He shoots me an infamous smirk before continuing, "I think you should come into the office tomorrow." I can already feel my pulse quickening in my body and a cool sweat beginning to break out. "It'll only be us because it's a Sunday and you can work on getting yourself back into routine."

"I don't know, Harry."

"Please?" He pleads, leaning forward so he's in closer proximity to me. "I need to go into the office because I forgot some files on Friday and I also want to get a few things done. I also don't want to leave you here alone and-"

"Oh, there's more?" I kid, rolling my eyes playfully.

"Yes, I might get lonely." I roll my eyes again and fall back against the couch. "Please? You said it yourself; you need to get back into the swing of things. This is the perfect way of doing so." He does have a point. Going into the office on Sunday's are very nice. No one is there to bother you, the place is quiet, and I can get some more work done if I'm actually in my natural setting.

"If I say yes will you go shower?"

"I can make that deal." I breathe out slowly, looking up to the ceiling to think once more.

You can do this Shay, it's just one day and you won't have to interact with anyone other than Harry. Plus, you won't have to take public transportation; Harry will drive.

"Okay." I whisper. "I'll go with you." Harry jumps up from his coffee table and shouts a loud YES! "Now, go shower before you stink up the place." Harry stands, his shoulders slumping. With a large sigh he stomps off towards the stairs, grumbling a:

"A deal is a deal." 

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