Eucatastrophe ~ h.s.

This isn't how I planned any aspect of my life to occur.

The plan was simple: Finish university with a 4.0 GPA, Get a well-paying corporate job that's more intense than the assistant job I've now, Find a man that loves me for me, Get married at a gorgeous ceremony, Have beautiful children, Grow old with the man of my dreams and watch our kids mature right before our eyes, and Then fall deeper and deeper in love with our time together.

That Night wasn't supposed to happen. My life wasn't supposed to turn out like this.

*Contains: Language, mild sexual content, and a bit of violence. Content could be triggering for some.*

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45. ✗ forty-three ✗

SHAY

12 August

She's wrapped up in a pink bundle, her small body wiggling about to get in a comfortable position in my arms. I hold her to my chest, hoping the warmth of my body will radiate to her smaller one. She's so little, fitting perfectly in the crook of my arm. Her eyes remain closed off to the world, soft coos leaving her tiny lips. She's got light hair, not a lot but just the perfect amount.

"My girl." I whisper, leaning down to press a kiss to her baby smooth forehead. "My beautiful baby girl."

As if on cue, her tiny eyelids flutter open at the sound of my voice. She blinks a couple times before her eyes meet mine and a gasp leaves my lips. The colour of her eyes; not grey like his, not blue/green like mine, instead the shade of perfect emerald.

A deep piercing green irises, like those from the man that I love so dearly. A green that makes the colour of grass look dull in even the most beautiful painting one can buy. They stare into my own eyes, bringing tears the brim.

"Love!" His sing-songing voice carries from outside the bedroom, a bedroom in which I've never stepped foot in.

The furniture is different, the placement of the things here is different, even the colour on the walls is different. This isn't our home. And at that moment I realize that the voice I once believed to be from the man I love was not coming from his tender mouth.

"Hello, dear." I clutch the no longer wiggling about child to my chest, taking a peek at her to notice her just staring up at me.

"Get out." I utter, voice deep and eyes set on his straggled face. "Get the hell out." I order, seeing his appearance in the doorway.

His clothes are tattered, his beard grown long. I can smell the stench of sweat, cigarette smoke, and filth from across the room. His beading eyes bore into my body, burning holes in the clothing that I wear. I turn my body, hoping to protect the small bundle of joy in my arms.

I won't let him hurt her.

"You can't shield her from me, bitch." I wince at the harsh tone his mouth produces and clutch tighter onto the baby so that she is safe. She is safe in my arms, but not his. I will protect her. "That's my little girl as luck would have it."

"It's not, she's not yours." I cry out, feeling the burning of tears brim my eyes.

"Oh, but she is." He spits, stepping into the room with heavy footsteps.

I shake my head, my body beginning to tremble, as he gets closer in distance. I won't let him have her; he cannot have her.

"No, get back!" I yell, looking around frantically for the one person that can save us. It's weird that I can feel his presence but I can't see him. "Harry!" I scream.

The baby lets out a wail in my arms and I begin to cry along with her. My eyes catch the bearded attacker cackling loudly, his head thrown back as the sickening laughing booms throughout the room.

"No one can help you." He spits, stepping closer to me so that he's standing at the edge of the bed.

My body feels like it's glued to the mattress, my bum not being able to pry off the duvet so that I can run; so that I can protect this child, my child.

"Do you want to know why no one can help you, dear?" I shake my head, letting the tears cascade down my cheeks and blubbering sobs to echo throughout the room. "Because I won't hesitate to hurt whomever is standing in my way of you and my daughter."

"No, stop!" I scream at him as he reaches behind his back.

I don't know what he's planning but I know it can't be good.

"Oh, Mr. Styles!" He yells out into the room, as if Harry's been standing here this entire time. "Come out, come out wherever you are."

His singing voice is sickening, making me want to empty the contents of my stomach right out in front of him.

Suddenly, the double doors to the closet just before the bed swing open and the lights flicker on. A gasp leaves my lips along with a scream of his name. He's tied up; hands behind his back and duck tape covering his perfectly pink lips. The man pacing the room strides over to Harry and rips the tape from his mouth.

"Harry!" I sob, taking a quick glance to the wailing child in my arms. She's thrashing about and all I know to do is hold her close to me. "I don't know what to do! I can't move!"

Panic is clear in my voice. I know if I can't run than there is a slim chance that I'll be able to protect the precious joy in my arms.

"Shay, I love you, baby, I love you." Harry says to me, tears of his own streaming down his cheeks. I cry harder, trying to rock the baby in my arms to get her to quiet. Her screaming rings my ears along with the awful laughing coming from the mad man standing between Harry and I. "Take care of her. Take care of our baby!"

Something seems to snap in my attacker's mind at Harry's words.

"She's not your baby!" His voice booms, striding over to me and pulling at my arm.

I'm tugged from my position on the bed, falling onto my hands and knees. I look around for my baby, but she's suddenly vanished. I panic when I see that he somehow has her in his arms; the small bundle no longer crying out and thrashing around. She's completely calm, as if the rest of us aren't losing our minds.

"You think you can just get rid of me that easily, Shay, huh?" I flinch when he spits my name, never having heard it fall from his lips in such a manner. "You think that prison will keep me away, that you can keep me from my own child? You think you can replace me? And you..." He turns towards Harry, whose eyes are only set on me as I cry on the carpeting. "Your job is done, Mr. Styles."

"What? No. What are you-?"

My attacker reaches behind him and as soon as the silver metal hits the lights in the room I scream. He points the gun towards my love and readies himself at the trigger.

"Please don't, you can't kill him. Please, he did nothing wrong! Kill me!" I plead, causing Harry's eyes to widen. "Just kill me, please don't kill him. I can't live without him. I can't do it."

"Shay, stop!" I shake my head, my entire body trembling as I crawl towards Harry. "Shay," He warns, tears streaming down his own cheeks.

The man holding my baby walks right up to Harry and stands at his side, gun pressing against his curls. The baby in his arms wiggles about softly before resting into the mad man.

"Say goodbye Shay."

"No, please! Please, don't do this! Please, God no!"

BANG.

My alert body sits straight, hunching over to catch my breath as my hand clutches near my heart. All I can hear around me is the pounding of my heartbeat in my ears and the heavy breathing that I'm producing. My hand comes into contact with my bloated bump, feeling the area as tears stream down my cheeks.

"Shay."

I shake my head, reaching out without looking and grasp ahold of Harry's warm arm. I don't have the strength to look him in the eye, even if I do need to know he's okay. I give his bicep a squeeze before he slides my hand into his own. I heavy sigh leaves my lips at the feeling of him moving with me.

He's not dead. He's not just been shot. It was all an awful nightmare.

"Look at me." He pleads, placing a hand underneath my chin.

With a deep breath I slowly sit up, turning to look at him. The colour of his eyes is what I notice first, the face of the baby in my nightmare flashing across my vision. The colour had been almost identical.

"Shay, don't cry." He says, reaching over and wiping the tears from my cheeks with the pads of his thumb.

"It felt so real." I blubber out, looking around us to make sure I'm still not within the same sickening dream.

We're sat in Harry's Range Rover, parked in front of the childhood home we've visited together only a month or so ago. I'm not sitting upon the carpet in some bedroom as Harry sits tied up before me.

It's drizzling around us, the water pattering against the windshield and other windows. The only noise I hear coming from the light music on the radio and the water droplets outside. I don't hear the wailing of a baby or pleads from my own lips, or even the pain in Harry's voice.

"What did you see?" Harry asks cautiously, pulling my gaze back to him.

I shake my head, biting down onto my bottom lip to keep it from quivering. Part of me doesn't want to tell him, but the other part already knows that he won't let up until I do.

"It was awful."

"Tell me, baby, maybe I can help you."

I nod my head, taking a couple deep breaths. I need to tell Harry, I can't keep something like this away from him.

So I tell him.

I tell him of the little girl I held in my arms and how she resembled not only myself, but oddly enough Harry. She had his green eyes and his nose. I tell him that I thought he was there at first, but it actually turned out to be my attacker. I tell him about himself being tied up in the closet. I tell him that my attacker got ahold of the baby. I tell him that my attacker said I couldn't get rid of him. And then I tell him the ending, which brought a new wave of sobs across me.

"Shay, listen to me," He pleads, pulling my body over the center console so that I'm sitting in his lap.

My arms wrap around his neck and I just hold him, feeling the beat of his heart against my chest and the fans of his breath against my neck.

"I'm not going to let anything happen to you or this baby, okay?" I nod my head against his neck and try to stop crying. "He's gone, he can't hurt you anymore, either of you." He says, pulling away gently. He places his hand upon my rounded stomach and runs his thumb over the clothed area. "And I'm not going to leave you, not ever. I promise you, Shay."

"I know you won't. It was just so vivid. I can't help but think that way. I'm sorry." I sniffle, wiping away a bit of snot with the back of my hand. I know I shouldn't be apologizes but I can't help it. "It started off so lovely, Harry, she was so precious. She looked like us; she didn't look like him at all. Deep down I wish that-"

"Hey, you don't need to do that."

"But I do, I do wish that she were yours. I wish that night had never happened. I wish things were back to normal, only a normal where the two of us could be together with having to go through all of that. I wish you had asked me out years ago and had been honest with me; maybe then I wouldn't have left your house that night and maybe then this would have been yours instead of his."

I'm still very emotional, so I've no idea why I'm saying all this. But I feel as if he needs to hear it.

"Shay, you have no idea how much I wish all of those things, but we can't turn back time."

"I know; I'm just emotional. You should have seen her Harry, she was so beautiful." I say, beginning to get choked up again. I can only pray that my child will be that adorable. "I wish that she had your features, because then she'd be absolutely stunning. I wish that she had your adorable nose, piercing green eyes, and amazing curly hair."

Harry leans forward and presses a soft kiss to my lips as he rubs my stomach.

We sit in silence for a bit, just listening to the soft sounds of Adele's voice pouring from the speakers in the vehicle around us. I lean back against the door behind me and tangle my hand in the strands of Harry's hair. His eyes flicker to my stomach before a small smile breaks out.

"How are you so sure the baby's going to be a girl?" I shrug.

I don't know, but every time I have a dream with this baby in it, the baby is a girl; a beautiful baby girl.

"I just picture her that way."

"Going to be awkward if it's a boy, love. He'll grow up finding out that his mum used to think of him like a girl." I shake my head at him, a small grin taking over my once solemn features. "Poor kid."

"I will love this baby no matter what gender. It's just whenever I picture him or her it's always a girl. I just see her grow up through my dreams and it warms my heart." I sigh, resting my hand on top of Harry's. "Harry?" He hums in response. "What do you want?" I ask, not being able to keep the curiosity to myself.

Harry thinks for a moment, his eyes fitting on my bump as his hands rub small circles on the area before a large smile takes over his features.

"I kind of want a little girl." He whispers, eyes still trained on my stomach.

"You do?" He nods and shrugs his shoulders.

"Yeah, I just can't explain it. Please don't take offense to this when I say this: but during my first serious relationship I began looking into the future." I nod my head along with him. He does often think ahead into the future especially with work. "I thought it was going to be her and I for the long run so I couldn't help but think about kids." He lets out a long sigh as he wraps both arms around me. "Plus, Lou and I were really close when she was pregnant with Lux. I was around when she was born and I've been around ever since, less now than I used to, but still..."

"You're very good with her."

It was two weeks ago that Lux stayed with Harry and I whilst her father was in the hospital. We dropped her off the following day and Lou was forever grateful, promising that the three of us would get dinner sometime soon. I honestly can't think of a better person to ask pregnancy questions and spend time gossiping about young Harry.

Later that next week Harry and I took some time off work and took Lux to the zoo. We spent the entire day there, looking at all the animals, even getting to pet some of them. We saw the lions per Lux's request, the turtles per Harry's, and of course we made time for the lynxes where I spent a good twenty minutes just gazing at their beauty. We ate way too much food that day and took way too many photos, in which Harry added to his ever-growing collection around the office and at home.

I've found that being around Lux is giving me great practice for my future as a mother. I've learned how to entertain a child and make them laugh. I've learned how to shush their cries and wipe their tears. Lux may be five years old and not nearly preparing me for a newborn, but she's done a lot more for me than she'll ever understand.

"Thank you. She's a great kid."

"Yes, she is." I take a pause and lean in, planting a kiss upon Harry's cheek before taking a peek out the windshield. "I suppose I wouldn't care if I had a boy or a girl though. Just as long as she or he is as healthy as can be and as adorable as possible." Harry smiles and leans forward connecting our lips.

"Agreed." He mumbles against our attached lips. He pulls away after a couple more pecks and stares out the windshield. "We should probably head in there before my parents get curious and wonder why we're just sitting out here. Wouldn't want them to think we're doing it in the backseat."

"Harry!" I scold, sliding off his lap and into my own seat again so that I could gather my things.

"I can't say I wouldn't mind it though."

"Harry, stop being childish."

"Oh baby, I don't think children have the thoughts that I'm having right now." I roll my eyes and giggle lightly. When I take a peek at him I see the smirk upon our lips. "You know it's been a while since the last time we had some fun."

He darts his tongue out to wet his lips and I almost go weak at the knees in that very moment.

It's been two weeks since Harry and I've done anything remotely past first base. Most nights we come home late and go to bed early, too exhausted from a hard day's work. Or Louis shows up unannounced and takes Harry away from I, not that I mind too much.

Harry needs to spend time with Louis just as much as I need to spend time with Harry.

"Well, it's going to bit another few days before we do anything like that."

"Oh come on, remember the last time we were here?"

My cheeks heat up at the memory. I groan and pick my handbag up off the floor with a roll of the eyes. I'm afraid if I contemplate getting freaky with him again I may just give in.

"Get it together before we see your mum." 

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