Eucatastrophe ~ h.s.

This isn't how I planned any aspect of my life to occur.

The plan was simple: Finish university with a 4.0 GPA, Get a well-paying corporate job that's more intense than the assistant job I've now, Find a man that loves me for me, Get married at a gorgeous ceremony, Have beautiful children, Grow old with the man of my dreams and watch our kids mature right before our eyes, and Then fall deeper and deeper in love with our time together.

That Night wasn't supposed to happen. My life wasn't supposed to turn out like this.

*Contains: Language, mild sexual content, and a bit of violence. Content could be triggering for some.*

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12. ✗ eleven ✗

HARRY

"Okay, Harry, she's out."

A shaky breath leaves my lips as I detach my hand from the limp hand that I had taken. Her features are soft, with wet tearstains still ever present on her cheeks. Her body is now relaxed and she isn't trying to escape. I stand tall from my place at the end of her bed as Dr. Barnes and Dr. Surrey release Shay's appendages.

Dr. Surrey takes the syringe in her gloved hand and walks over to the disposal as Dr. Barnes walks over to me. She places her hand on my shoulder, causing me to stiffen before relaxing into her touch. She sends me a soft, reassuring smile before removing her hand.

"Can I speak with you for a moment?" She asks, motioning with her head towards the door. The last thing I want to do is leave Shay alone. If she wakes up again she will surely hurt herself if no one is here. I bite my quivering lip and set my eyes back on my friend.

"I don't want to leave her." I breathe out, my eyes scanning her calm body. I can't help but let my eyes fall to her flat stomach. My heart is still beating out of my chest from when Dr. Barnes had said those three words. After everything Shay and I worked on, we're going to be back to square one.

The first thing I felt was pure and utter anger towards the man who did this. He had no right doing this and he definitely has no right to a child. He will rot in Hell for eternity if I ever see his face. I'm so angry that I'm ready to go on a manhunt for this guy. I'll call the PI, who's getting farther than the cops but still has dick, and we will hunt this guy down.

But then when I look at Shay, I see how pale she's gotten and how scared she has become. The anger leaves my body right away and fear arises, fear for the sake of Shay. And then worry, anxiety, heartache, and sadness flood into my system. I can hold anger dear to me all I want, but it won't do any good for Shay, especially if she's pregnant. She doesn't need me going to jail for something like this, she needs me with her.

"Harry, I can stay with her for a bit whilst you two talk." Dr. Surrey assures me, taking her place at the bedside of the broken girl. As much as I don't want to leave, I know I have to. I have to get to the bottom of this and I know Dr. Barnes has questioned for me. I am, in fact, Shay's "fiancée". 

"Come on, dear." She says, leading me out of the room. My gait is slow as I follow her out into the hall. As soon as she shuts the door to Shay's room I slide down the opposite wall onto the floor, just staring at the room. I'm not going further than this. I need to stay close. The doctor sighs above me and takes a seat beside me, brushing her pant legs off as she does so. "I need to ask you some questions. I know you don't want to answer any of them right now, but-"

"Just ask them." I grumble, sniffling lightly. I'm not crying, but I'm on the verge of letting a few escape.

"Have you and your fiancée been sexually active since what happened?" I huff out deeply and shake my head. "I just have to ask Harry." I roll my eyes at her phrase and continue to stare at Shay's door. My hands are picking at the holes in my jeans, giving them something to do instead of run through my hair and tug on the strands.

"What else do you have to ask me?" I deadpan. "Clearly, you know everything from the reaction that Shay just gave you. She's pregnant from the guy that did this to her. The guy that broke her and sent her spiraling into a fucking depression." I'm no longer able to keep my cool. "Do you know how many times I prayed that she was okay and that this would all go away? She's been a mess, not eating, not sleeping, and crying all the time. We finally got her back into a routine of things where she was eating, sleeping, fuck even smiling." Now I'm tugging at my hair harshly.

"Harry-"

"She's not going to be okay. She's not strong enough for this and she is the definition of strong. No one is strong enough for this. This is all my fault and I don't know what to do to help her." That's when the dampness meets my cheeks for the first time.

Shay can tell me everyday for the rest of my life that what happened to her is not my fault. But everyday I won't believe her and everyday I will blame myself.

"Harry, stop." Dr. Barnes warns, her voice stern. "Shay is a strong girl. You said it yourself: she is getting better. This is, yes, a horrible situation for anyone to be in but she will be able to move past the initial shock. It's going to take time." I huff, wiping the tears away harshly as they continued to fall. "There are options."

"Yeah, like what?" I cry out. "Abortion, no way. I know Shay and she would never do that, even in this situation. She wouldn't be able to live herself if she did that. So then she has adoption, but she still has to go nine fucking months with a child growing inside of her. She'd be reminded daily. And then what if she keeps it?" I chuckle angrily. "She'll raise the child that's half hers, half the man she's terrified of all on her own? She'll have to look at that child for the next eighteen years of his or her life and know how he or she came to be. No, no way. This isn't happening."

"She has you." I huff, mentally slapping myself for making me sound like the worst "fiancé" in the world. "Will you be there for her, no matter what she chooses?"

"Of course." I say, looking over at the doctor. "Of course I will be."

Shay will always be someone special to me and there isn't anything in this world she can do to change my mind. I promised her I would help her through this, no matter what. This, well this is a bump in the road to recovery, but I will stick with her no matter what because I care for her.

"I'm sorry, I'm just..."

"Scared?" I suck my bottom lip into my mouth and look at the doctor with bloodshot eyes. I slowly nod, coming to my senses.

I'm terrified. I'm not sure how Shay is going to act now that she's found out this life changing news. She most definitely is not going to be able to go back to how she was before, smiling and semi-happy. I'm scared that she'll do something she'll regret later on in life. What if she chooses not to have the baby, will that decision haunt her for the rest of her life?

"Harry it's okay to be scared. Shay is scared too. You can help each other through this." I sniffle again, wiping the tears from my eyes. With a shake of the head and a clearing of my clogged throat I speak.

"What were the other questions you had for me?" I mumble out, wanting to get back to Shay now that I had my cry.

"Dear, you already answered them." She assures me, slowly standing to her feet. She brushes off her scrubs again before lending a hand down to me. "Shay's going to be asleep for a while, you're welcome to wait with her." I breathe out a quiet thank you as she helps me to my feet. "Just be sure to page us when she does wake up."

&&&


SHAY

Shay, you're pregnant.

The three words swirl through my hazy brain when nothing else does. They echo so loudly that I want to cover my ears, but I know that will do no good. They mock me, laughing and pointing, chanting over and over again: Shay, you're pregnant. My conscious mind screams for them to stop and let me have some peace. But as long as I'm in darkness, they won't shut up.

Opening my eyes for the second time that day isn't as hard, but it's just as terrifying. Thankfully, when my eyes adjust to the dim setting around me I'm granted with complete and utter silence. The doctors are no longer here, trying to calm me. The bustling noise from the hall outside has quieted to a few shoe squeaks here and there. And the man at my bedside is sleeping soundly.

Harry's head is resting against the back of his chair, his mouth parted open and soft snores escaping lips. His long legs are stretched out before him, disappearing underneath my bed and out of my field of vision. I half expected him not to be here when I woke, even though he told me he would. For once he looks almost calm, and not frantic or worried like he usually does.

I look down at my body, making sure I'm all still here. Whatever the doctors did to me is making my whole body feel groggy and unusually calm. If it weren't for those drugs still seeping through my system I'd probably be a crying mess. From the dampness underneath my eyes I know I'm crying, but I'm not going to categorize this as a mess. My mind is still trying to take everything in. I want to freak out, start screaming and crying to no one in particular, but I know that stress isn't good for me or the...

I can't say it, hell I can't even think it. If I did, that would mean coming to terms that this is reality.

Three weeks ago I was a normal, single twenty-one year old girl. I had a full-time job, was going to school full-time as well, and had bright plans ahead of me. I was happy, busy, and put together. Now I'm a crying mess of a twenty-one year old, acting like I'm a stupid teenager. I'm no longer happy, no longer busy, and most definitely not put together. I'm still single and I still have my full-time job, but now I'm a university drop out. Yes, you heard it. I quit after my second week holed up in my apartment. I was too far behind to catch up and what was the point? I no longer have bright plans for my future, only hazy glimpses of what my life could be.

"Harry?" Before I can stop myself, I'm pestering the sleeping man at my side. I'm sure he's exhausted, but part of me doesn't care. I need him awake right now. I need him with me, awake, not unconscious. Three weeks ago I didn't want anyone's help, but now I need help. I need his help if I'm going to survive this, or at least the night. "Harry?" I speak again, my voice cracking. He still doesn't stir, staying peacefully asleep.

I reach out as far as I can, barely being able to touch him. I'm close enough to touch his hand, which is hanging off the edge of his chair, gravity holding it up. I scoot as far over on the bed as I can manage and take his hand in mine, giving it a squeeze before repeating his name. This time he wakes up.

Rather, he jumps awake, nearly flying off his chair in the process. In any other situation I would probably be laughing, but I can't find it in my body to even smile right now. Harry's wild eyes look around before, falling on my hand clutching around his.

"Harry." I whisper, his head turning to look up at me. A small smile breaks out on his lips as he stands from the chair, keeping our hands together as he takes a step towards the bed.

"Hey, sleepyhead." He mutters, his eyes scanning my face. Fresh tears stream endlessly down my cheeks and the sad thing is I can't control them, nor do I realize that I'm still crying. "Awe, Shay, don't cry."

"I just can't stop." I mumble, my voice shaky. Harry nods his head in understanding, giving my hand a small squeeze. "I thought you weren't going to be here when I woke up." I admit, keeping my voice small. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but he has to hear what I have to say.

"No, no way. I'm not leaving your side, okay?" I blubber like a baby as he speaks. "I'm not leaving you today, not tomorrow, and definitely not through this whole process. I promise you that Shay." I nod my head, bringing my free hand up to my cheeks and desperately wiping away the continuing tears. "Listen, do you remember what I promised you the first night you stayed at my place?" He asks me, taking this time to sit on the edge of my bed beside me. I shrug slightly, my brain still fuzzy from the drugs and crying. "I promised you that I was not going to leave you."

"Sometimes promises are broken." I sob, trying to curl my body into the smallest ball possible. Harry sends me a saddened look as he stares down at me, and I honestly hate it. I hate how he looks at me now.

"Not this one."

Harry brings his free hand up to my swollen cheek and begins wiping the tears away for me. I close my eyes and nuzzle my head against his large hand, the feeling very comforted at the moment. I breathe out heavily, continuing to breathe in a slow and steady manner. Inhale... Exhale... Inhale.... Exhale...

"I need a hug." I blurt out, opening my eyes again to meet with Harry's emerald irises. He looks taken aback at first, unsure whether he heard me correctly. "I really just need a hug, please."

He nods his head, slowly leaning forward and outstretching his arms. I fall into his embrace and it's as if we were being molded together. It's as if our bodies are made for each other, that they are sculpted for each other. A perfect fit.

"Shhh, it's okay." Harry mumbles against my hair, rubbing my back softly as I breathe against his t-shirt clad chest. His embrace alone is making me feeling better, physically and emotionally.

"Thank you."

"We're going to get through this." He assures me, holding me slightly tighter as if I will just slip away. "You're not doing this alone." 

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xx

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