5SOS one shots (boys x Reader)


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57. Insecure Men Pt 2

Luke stays in the hotel room for the entirety of the day. It’s a day off anyway, and they’ve got nothing planned. There’d been no door knocks—probably because the others thought Y/N and him were spending quality time with each other—so Luke was alone for the whole day.

 

He’d stayed, sat at the edge of the bed— watching the door with an alertness that he’d never had before. A part of him wanted to go out and search for her, to yell it to the gods and to anyone else who would listen that he loves her, too, and he’s stupid and doesn’t deserve her, but he’s selfish and he doesn’t want to let her go.

 

But another part of him is telling him that he’s stupid and he doesn’t deserve her and he doesn’t have the right to be selfish about her. Because she’s everything good in the world, and he’s— not.

 

She never comes back to the room. Maybe she’s gone back home, hell— maybe she’s gone to stay with Ashton. But she doesn’t step back into their shared hotel room, even as Luke refuses to sleep in case she comes back at half four in the morning, or something.

 

The sun’s just about ready to start rising when Luke eventually sighs, getting to his feet and heading out his hotel room. He doesn’t bring his phone, doesn’t bring his iPod— just heads straight up to the roof access that he’d seen earlier.

 

The door isn’t locked, so he pushes it open, then he’s clambering through and then settling near the edge of the building— knees bent and arms hugging them to his chest— chin resting on his knees.

 

It’s nice. Quiet. Peaceful. The city’s quite a sight at daybreak, too.

 

The door to the roof opens, and Luke turns— chest tightening when he sees that it’s Ashton who’s come to join him. He’s not got anything against the other lad, of course not, it’s just— if Luke wasn’t being stupid about the whole talking-to-Ashton-and-thinking-Y/N-was-flirting-and-wanted-Ashton-back thing then he’d probably be in bed, with Y/N in his arms, right now.

 

“You know what’s funny?” Ashton’s voice breaks him out of his reverie. Luke startles slightly, turning his head to look towards the elder. Ashton’s mirrored his position, and isn’t even looking at him— is just looking out at the city, just like he was.

 

Luke hums, though. Waits for him to continue talking.

 

Ashton breathes a laugh, shaking his head. “Not even funny, really. ’s not the right word. More— ironic. In a morbid sorta way.“

 

Luke hums in a non-committal manner again, looking back at the view of the city.

 

"I told her to not hurt you. That I'd— well. Not hit her, or anything. But I’d do something if she hurt you. Probably just, like, cut her out of my life or summat.” He shrugs a shoulder. “And I never even gave you the speech, even though I care for her as deeply as I care about you.” Ashton says softly, his voice carrying in the breeze.  

 

Luke feels his chest tighten, stomach churn with guilt.

 

“And you’re the one who hurt her.” Ashton finishes, and Luke inhales sharply. Ashton lets out a laugh— unlike any he’s heard before. It sounds almost mean. He shakes his head, “You know she’s in love with you, right?”

 

Luke turns to look at him, and Ashton’s looking back at him— a glint in his eyes, brows furrowed slightly. The younger doesn’t say anything, though, just gulps, and darts his eyes away.

 

“Because she is.” Ashton speaks again. “And maybe I shouldn’t tell you that— but I will, because she is in love with you and you— you had the audacity to think that she’d just up and cheat on you, just because we were having a fucking conversation. I never—” Ashton shakes his head, almost in disbelief, running his fingers through his hair. “I never thought you’d stoop that low, Luke. You know…” he lets out a little laugh.

 

He doesn’t say anything for a bit, and Luke stays silent, jaw clenched so tightly. Ashton blows out a slow exhale, “You know— I thought you’d be good for her. I know she was good for you, but I thought it’d go the other way ‘round, too. Guess I was wrong,” his last words are a mere whisper, then he’s getting to his feet and walking away.

 

Luke opens his mouth, but nothing comes up. He turns his head slightly, tries again— “I don’t know how to fix it.”

 

Ashton pauses, doesn’t glance back at him. “You fucked this up all on your own. You fix it. If you don’t want to be with her anymore then fine,” Luke wants to interrupt and say that he definitely doesn’t want that, but Ashton’s talking again, “— go fucking apologise first. Apologise, and if you want to break up with her— do it properly. Do it like a goddamn man. Don’t use you thinking she’d cheat— use me as an excuse.”

 

Ashton makes a move to leave. Turns and starts towards where the roof access hatch is. But— “I love her, too, y’know?” Luke’s voice is soft, but it carries along in the wind, and Luke still doesn’t look away from the view of the skyline. He thinks Ashton’s listening to him, so he continues, “And she— she told me. That she loved me. Before she walked out. And I— I didn’t say anything back, didn’t even acknowledge it. And I don’t… I don’t need you telling me that I fucked up, because I know that I did, and I— I said some stupid shit, yeah, but she—”

 

“Think carefully about what you say next, mate, because it sounds like you’re going to blame her for walking out on you, after you were the one being a fucking dick.” Ashton spits out, and Luke flinches from the venomous tone that he’s never actually had directed towards him before.

 

Luke sighs, burying his face in his hands, shaking his head at the same time. “I’m in love with her, and— I’m… terrified.”

 

 

 

 

“That’s a shitty excuse,” Y/N says, and both boys on the roof whip their heads around so fast to look at her that she’s almost surprised they haven’t gotten whiplash or something.

 

Luke scrambles up to his feet, and Ashton takes the two steps forward that’s separating the two of them. He places a hand on her hip, leaning in to whisper into her ear, “You don’t have to talk to him if you don’t want to,” he tells her, voice sincere.

 

“I know,” Y/N nods. “But I’d rather just— get this over with.”

 

Ashton nods back, places a light kiss on her temple, and then glancing at Luke before he’s leaving Luke and Y/N alone. Luke, whose eyes are wide and brows are furrowed and sleeves of his hoodie are pulled over his hands. “Get this over with?” He almost-whispers. “Are we— are you breaking up with me?”

 

She cocks her head to side a little, clenching her jaw. “You’ll understand if I don’t want to be in a relationship where my boyfriend doesn’t trust me, at all, and where I have to trust him when he’s away for three-fourths of the relationship and has girls left right and center.”

 

“I do— trust you,” Luke almost blurts out. Y/N arches a brow, masking the ache in her insides with indifference. “I do. I trust you, I swear. It’s just— I was being stupid, and— I was, God. I was being so fucking stupid and I know that you’d never— cheat on me, and that you’re not that type of person, but I—” he tugs at his hair.

 

“You don’t, though,” Y/N says before he can say anything else. Luke’s eyes are still wide (and they’re so blue that she thinks that the ocean is trapped in his eyes). She gulps. “You don’t trust me. Because if you did, you wouldn’t have— you wouldn’t have thought I was sleeping with Ashton, just because of one fucking conversation. ‘s not like we never talk, either, because we always do, and—” she shakes her head. “A relationship is nothing without trust, Luke. Do you realise that? You don’t trust me, so why the fuck—”

 

“Because I love you,” Luke interrupts, like that explains everything, taking large strides forward. The words ring in her ears and she takes a step back when she realises that Luke is getting close enough for her to touch. He stops abruptly, gulping. He takes in a deep breath, “I love you, Y/N. I do. And I trust you, I swear. I just— you are everything that I shouldn’t have. You’re beautiful and smart and kind and you’re good and you deserve so much better than— me. You deserve someone who fucking shines are bright as you do, not some— faded light that’s going to burn out.”

 

She can feel a tear racing down her cheek, but she clenches her jaw even tighter, chin tilting up in defiance as she looks at her, swallowing the lump in her throat. She crosses her arms over her chest in an attempt at further indifference, when she’s really just trying to hug herself and make herself as small as possible because she doesn’t want to hear him say those things— doesn’t want to hear him bring himself down just to make her believe that she’s as great as he thinks her to be.

 

“But I’m selfish,” Luke continues, meeting her gaze, a glint in his eyes. “God, I’m selfish, and I do not want to let you go. Because I am in love with you, and I haven’t felt… haven’t been in love in years, and never like this. Never as deep as this— and it scares the shit out of me. I fucked up, when I said what I did— when I made assumptions. I know that. I know that. And I’m sorry, I’m sorry, but that’s just— me. I’m going to always believe that you deserve better than me, but I’m still not going to be able to bear to let you go, to find that someone better.”

 

Y/N doesn’t say anything, inhaling sharply. “… You know that’s fucked up as hell, right?” She asks quietly.

 

“I know,” Luke nods, a small quirk of his lips that’s gone within a millisecond. “The thing is— I’ve gone most of my life second-guessing myself and never thinking I was good enough, and that’s no excuse, I know. But I’m working on it. I’m— I trust you. I know you won’t cheat on me. I trust you, and I love you, and I know you love Ashton, too, in the same way that I love him. And I—” Luke inhales, looking away before looking back at Y/N. “I love you. Just— please. Don’t tell me this is goodbye.”

 
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