5SOS one shots (boys x Reader)


35. Habits

Luke doesn’t know what to do with himself. Everything’s just a constant state of numb, and he kinda likes it that way. Because he doesn’t want to feel. He doesn’t want to do things normally and pretend to be okay because nothing is normal and he is not okay. Why should he pretend to be? He groans as he rolls over in his bed. He’s hungry but he needs to take a shower.    


He’ll just eat dinner in the bathroom.    


So he does. There’s already water in the bathtub – albeit, rather dirty water – but water, nonetheless. The blond shrugs his shoulders lightly, stripping himself of his clothes and then going into the bathtub, a box filled with half a pizza balanced on the closed lid of the toilet. This is his life now. This is life when he’s back in Sydney. 


Then I go to sex clubs
Watching freaky people gettin’ it on
It doesn’t make me nervous
If anything, I’m restless


Luke finds it a bit funny, honestly. Everyone seems to think that he’s the most innocent out of his bandmates because he’s the youngest and he just looks like the innocent one.   


They couldn’t be more wrong.   


Maybe, once upon a time, they were right. But then life happened. And now he’s not.   


He used to get uneasy in clubs because he was usually underaged and everyone was trying to have sex with him (mostly because everyone was usually drunk and he was kind of a giant so it’s hard for him to just brush past them, unnoticed). But now he isn’t even phased. Going to clubs is a hobby. Going to sex clubs is a pastime. Luke never does anything whilst in there. He lets girls give him lap dances and grind on him and do whatever the fuck they want but all he ever does is remain expressionless whilst downing drink after drink after drink.    


He’s not himself anymore. He’s a shell of who he used to be and it’s all because of her. 


Fuckin’ Y/N.    


(And it’s not really all her fault but he was getting better. He swears he was getting better. Then it happened so he’ll put all of the blame on her.)   


She left him. Fucking left him. And he gets it, really. It’s just. She said she loved him so why did she leave? If she loved him, she would’ve stayed. She wouldn’t have left so easily. Y/N stayed with him through the constant touring and the whole “never being home for longer than a goddamn month” thing. But then two weeks after he’s proper home, she leaves him. Packs her shit and walks out the door, vowing to never come back.    


And Luke let her.   


Y/N got tired of his shit. Y/N got tired of how he was almost constantly stoned. Y/N got tired of how he was (at least half) drunk every other minute that he wasn’t high.    


Luke understands though. Like, he wouldn’t like it if roles were reversed. He’d leave the minute he realised that helping was useless. Y/N stayed though. She stayed, tried to get him to stop drinking and smoking. But Luke’s a stubborn arse. Everything he told her were empty promises. Empty promises about how he’d cut down, how he wouldn’t go out anymore, how he'd change. 


She doesn't understand though. She doesn’t know what it’s like to feel so much pressure and like the whole world’s against you that you need some form of release. He’s too much of a wimp to do the whole self harm thing – he’s not a big fan of blood, and he’s a pretty clumsy kid so he might accidentally puncture an important vein and that would lead to him dying which would suck. A lot. Since he doesn’t want to die, he just wants to release himself of the burden that he feels on his shoulders every fucking day.    


That’s how he came across weed. It’s not exactly literally him just coming across it. He was out on tour, walking alone one day. It was a little after dinner time and while the other boys went out to clubs, he’d opted to stay behind. Luke ended up going out anyway, enjoying the peace of being finally alone. Don’t get him wrong, though. He loves the boys, really. There’s no other people he thinks he’d be able to put up with 24/7. But sometimes all he wants to do is sit and call his girlfriend and just talk to her.    


So that’s what he did. Went for a walk, called her up and they talked. They talked and talked and talked, till Y/N eventually had to hang up because she had things to do. He'd whined and pouted (even though they weren’t even on FaceTime) before he finally let her hang up. Then he walked around some more because it wasn’t even ten at night yet. He ended up meeting some sort of fans who invited him over to a house party they were heading to after (literally just) saying hi to him. Sort of fans being people who knew who he was and appreciated the music but really didn’t give a shit about him being Luke Hemmings. To them, he was just “that guy with the hair in that 5 Seconds of Summer” and he really liked it.    


And that was where he smoked weed for the first time. The joint was just passed around in the circle he was sat in and he didn’t think twice as he took it and brought it to his lips. There were different types of high people, he’d discovered. Some giggled hysterically at literally everything, others would end up texting the most random shit to whoever popped into their minds and there were also the type who would just sit and stare at everything with a dopey smile and have random attacks of laughter. There were probably others but those were all he’d encountered that night. Turns out he was of the third category. And being high… God. Being high made him feel numb and it made him forget and it made him not feel like the weight of the world was on his shoulders and it was the best thing that had ever happened to him in a while.    


Being high made him numb enough to forget about the expectations people had on him. Made him forget about how much he missed his family, how much he missed Y/N. Made him forget about being responsible and keeping up the goddamn squeaky clean image he had going on. It made him feel like, for once in a long, long time, that everything was okay.    


The addiction started then. And Y/N tried to get him to stop. But she didn’t understand. He tried to tell her it was better that he was high all the time. It was better for him, probably also better for her.   


And now she’s gone. Because she wouldn’t put up with it anymore.   


And all that weight that had floated away from his shoulders was back once more. It felt heavier than ever and now Y/N’s not even there to cuddle him and tell him that he’ll be okay – even if she was probably lying straight to his face.    


Luke seats himself down on the floor of his bedroom – back leaning against the side of his bed. There’s a blunt in his hand now and he just cocks his head to the side a little as he looks at it. It’s taunting him, daring him to light it up and smoke (and he’s letting it win). Brings a lighter to the end and lights it up, bringing the blunt to between his lips and inhaling.    


A smile comes unto his lips. The weight’s gone again.  


You’re gone and I gotta stay
High all the time
To keep you off my mind

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