5SOS one shots (boys x Reader)


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85. Dont Leave

Y/N sighs, leaning her head back against the wall she’s got her back pressed against. She doesn’t even know why she’s on the floor, of all places, but she doesn’t really mind staying on the floor. She’s got a nice view of the couple of picture frames filled with pictures of herself and Calum. Her phone is held up to her ear and she’s got Calum’s voicemail again, and normally, she’d be okay with that. Because he’s a busy guy, and she gets that. She gets it. He’s busy touring the world, playing sold out shows, living a rockstar life. And Y/N’s a hundred percent (okay, maybe like sixty-five percent) alright with that, because Calum is living his dream and she is so proud of him.    

 

But then there’s the part where she is left behind, and quite literally. The contact between the two was strong, steady, for the first month or two when tour started. Or when they were in LA or London for whatever reason. Everything was okay. Then the calls (voice and video) dwindled down to once every two nights – if she’s lucky. Then they were once a week, then once in two weeks, then three weeks… and then they just… stopped. Y/N tried to call him, of course she did, but he just never picked up. And when he did pick up, he’d seem so disinterested and/or tired that she’d just end up making some bullshit excuse about a family member needing her help with something. (Calum never argues that she should continue talking to him instead, when that’s what he would all the time, before.)   

 

Y/N doesn’t want to admit to it. To anyone. To herself. But she has to because their relationship’s dying. And she’s sick and tired of being strung along that she's finally letting go.    

 

She’s done.   

 

Y/N takes in a deep breath, dialling his number again. Hoping that he’d pick up this time because she doesn’t want to do this over the phone, let alone over a voicemail. It rings and rings and someone picks up and Y/N dares to get her hopes up, but it’s a recording of his voice telling her to leave a message, followed by a beep that’s got her gulping, a hand going to rub at her eyes.    

 

“Hey,” Y/N starts off, swallowing the growing lump in her throat. “I really, really don’t want to do this over the phone, over a freaking voicemail. Don’t even want to do this at all, really, but I’m tired, Calum. I’m so fucking tired. I love you, okay? I really do love you, a lot. And I know when you hear this – if you even bother to listen to this – that you’ll be asking then ‘why am I doing this?’ It’s simple, really. A relationship is meant for two people. Two people infatuated with each other, spending time with each other, putting equal amount of efforts into their relationship. This? This isn’t a relationship anymore, Cal. It's completely one-sided and I can’t take it anymore. And don’t get me wrong, because I am so proud of you for achieving your dream, for doing what you love and loving what you do. Seeing that smile on your beautiful face makes me smile, all the time. But I can’t handle this… this fucked up situation I’m in, anymore,” she sniffles, wiping away a traitorous tear.   

 

“I can’t even use 'we’ because there is no us anymore. It’s just me in this. And I’m sorry, but this is… this is goodbye, Calum Hood. Sucks that I’ve to do this over a fucking voicemail but hey,” Y/N lets out a single, forced laugh, “I get it. I’m not that important to you anymore, and I’m okay with it,” she says honestly, another tear trailing down her cheek as she nods once, more to convince herself. “You’ve got much bigger things going on in your life and you don’t need me so goodbye, my love. I really fucking love you, to the moon and back. Never forget that.”  

—  

 

A love like ours is love that’s hard to find

How could we let it slip away?

We’ve come too far to leave it all behind

How could we end it all this way?

 

Calum’s eyes are wide as they can go as he listens to Y/N’s sweet, sweet voice in the voicemail she’s left him. He saw her missed call, he saw them all. He just never called her back. Kind of felt held back by her, kind of didn’t want to be tied down because as horny as he gets, he’s not a cheater. Whilst he’s still got a girlfriend, he’s not going to go around making out and/or fucking any girl that offers themselves to him. He’s got morals and he’s not a complete asshole.    

 

But now, as he listens to her breaking up with him over a voicemail, Calum’s heart is shattering; slowly but surely. And any previous thoughts he’d had about dumping her is erased because now that she’s done it first, he’s realised why he couldn’t ever bring himself to break up with her. He’s so completely in love with her that he’s subconsciously dependant on her, emotionally, even when he’s practically ignoring her for no fucking reason – and it’s so full of shit because he never thought he’d be the type of person to be dependant on someone but he is and the person that he’s dependant on left him.

 

“Cal? Mate, you okay?” Michael asks, breaking him out of his trance.    

 

Calum blinks, and he realises that he’s still in the hotel room – just as he was when he checked the voicemail. Michael's looking at him with a concerned frown on his face because Calum's basically as still as a statue, staring at nothing with his phone held up to his ear, and Michael probably said something that got completely ignored by the other. “No,” he mouths and then the Kiwi is getting to his feet and speed-walking out of the hotel room, his phone clutched tightly in his hands as he dials the number he knows by heart, ignoring the calls of his name from behind him.    

 

“Pick up, pick up, pick up,” he mutters under his breath as he paces the empty corridor, but this time, he's getting a prompt to leave a voicemail and he's physically wincing because this is what he’s put Y/N through for months. Calum dials the number again, and again, and again, and again. It’s just voicemail, after voicemail, after voicemail, after voicemail.

 

-

to ♡ Y/N ♡

 

Skype me as soon as you get this. Or FaceTime. Whichever. I don’t care what time it is where I’m at. The show’s over and I’m at the stairwell in the hotel and I am not leaving here until you FaceTime me. I love you. I’m not letting you go. Please.

-

 

Calum sticks to what he’s said, taking a seat on the stairs. No one usually takes the stairs in fancy hotels like the one they’re staying at for the night, anyway. He sends a text to Michael, saying he’s fine, got some things to take care of, might not come back to the room for the night so don’t be worried, and then he waits.    

 

It’s a near four hours later that his phone finally starts ringing and he sees her name on the screen and his eyes are widening, his tongue darting out to dampen his suddenly very dry lips. He’s got a speech planned out. A whole speech, to convince her of how sorry he is, how much of an idiot he is, how much he loves her.    

 

But those strings of sentences leave his mind the moment her face fills up his screen – and his heart is slowly shattering even more so than it already was shattered. Because her eyes are red, bottom lip’s almost bleeding because of how much she’s been biting on it, and she’s not wearing the necklace that he bought her for their anniversary – the one that she never took off from the moment he put it around her neck. And she still looks so beautiful that Calum’s yelling at himself, wondering why the fuck he’d ever ignore someone like her.

 

“Y/N,” Calum breathes out, sniffling, because yes, he’s been crying, and he has no shame in admitting to that because the thought of her leaving is… it's incomprehensible and something that Calum never wants to happen.   

 

“What do you want, Calum?" She asks tiredly, her voice is soft, croaky, almost.    

 

"Baby, you can’t leave me,” he says and his eyes are already getting teary. God dammit, Cal, get it together. “I love you so much and I know I’ve been a shit boyfriend lately but, – but, – ” he stutters, only to end up shaking his head with a disappointed sigh. “I’ve got no excuse for being a dick because I am a dick and I am sorry. But just, please – please don’t leave me. I know it’s my fault that you’re feeling this way, and I’m sorry for hurting you because that’s the last damn thing I ever want to do in my life but – I can’t, – I don’t, – look, I need you, okay? I can’t function without you and that scares the shit out of me but – I – I love you, Y/N. I love you so much,”   

 

The corner of her lips turn up the slightest bit – and she’s not smiling because she’s amused, or happy that he’s saying these things. Y/N’s 'smiling’ and there is no traces of joy or happiness or anything behind that smile. “You don’t need me, Calum. I know you don’t. You know you don’t. I’ve tried, Cal, I tried so bloody hard to keep this relationship going because I love you so much but I can't I can’t put myself through this completely one-sided relationship anymore, and I’m sorry but – ”   

 

“Love,” Calum interrupts. His hand is quick to rub at his eyes. God damn his fucking tear ducts. “You said love. Present tense. You still love me,”  

 

“Of course I still love you. I can’t just up and decide to stop loving you, no matter how much I wish I could,”

 

Calum swallows the lump in his throat, “You wish you could stop loving me?” He asks in a mere whisper.   

 

Y/N darts her eyes away from the general direction of the screen, “So much, because it hurts. It hurts so much, Calum,”

 

“Then don’t break up with me,” he pleads. His voice is tinged with desperation and he’s clinging onto the little piece of hope that’s telling him that Y/N might take him back, no matter how much of a shit boyfriend (and person – in general – to her) he’s been. “Y/N, look at me, please,” Y/N looks at him (or, more rather, on-screen him) after delaying doing so for a couple of seconds. “I love you,” Calum says firmly.   

 

“I love you to the stars and above, and nothing is going to change that. I know I’m a dick, and that I seem like I don’t care about you, and sometimes I forget about the couple of most important people in my life whilst paying more attention to the fans or whoever else. But I assure you: at the end of the day, you are the one that I want to be holding in my arms, you are the one that I wish was watching the show, you are the one I wish was smiling and laughing along with me everyday. It’s you, it’s always you, and I am sorry that I don’t show it often and that I take you for granted. Baby, we’ve been through so much together. Just please… please, don’t let this be the end.”  

 

“Calum…" Y/N starts, shaking her head as she finally lets go of the tears that she’s been holding in. Calum’s heart clenches at seeing them race down her face. All he wants to do is reach out and wipe away her tears but he can't because she’s back home and he’s at the other end of the world and it's sucks. She takes in a deep breath, "I’m putting myself and my feelings first, for the first time in my life. I don’t want to get hurt anymore. I can’t take it anymore. I can’t,”

 

“You won’t have to,” Calum’s quick to say, sniffling. “Please, baby, please. I’m sorry for hurting you, I’m sorry, so sorry. If I could rewind time, I could, but I can’t so I’m going to try and make it up to you however way I can because I cannot lose you. And if you leave me now, you’ll take away the biggest part of me. I know you don’t believe me because of how I’ve been a jerk but I need you more than you’ll ever know. Please don’t leave me. Please.

 

 
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