5SOS one shots (boys x Reader)


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60. Ass Pt 2

Michael’s good at hiding his emotions. Or, more accurately – pushing his emotions aside and pretending like nothing ever affects him. Y/N should know. It was not three days ago that they'd almost kissed. It was not three days ago that she’d almost gave in to the craving of wanting to be loved again. It was not three days ago that she almost completely fucked things up for her and Calum.    

 

It wasn’t long ago at all and yet, Michael was completely fine. Or – acting like he was completely fine. The incident was disregarded and never to be acknowledged by either of them ever again. It was a silent agreement that they’d come to. A silent agreement that they’d established to never speak of the almost kiss again because he knows that Y/N still loves Calum and that Calum, despite being a complete knob right now, still loves Y/N, too. Michael and Y/N were just hanging out again, like nothing was wrong.   

 

Y/N had read it somewhere. Some quote about “almost” being one of the saddest words. Something about how it’d be like “he almost loved her. she was almost good enough.” So Y/N understands why it’s sad. But, like, right now – the word is fucking her up. Because the only thoughts running through her mind are how she'd almost kissed Michael, and how she almost fucked things up completely (even though Calum was still blissfully unaware and was also still completely ignoring her) and how – maybe – if she changed herself, she’d be good enough for Calum to actually acknowledge her existence again. But she doesn’t know how to do that, how to change herself.

 

So she's almost good enough for him.    

 

She’s a strong girl, yeah? Y/N. She’s strong. But even the strongest of them all have to break sometimes, and today’s Y/N’s turn.    

 

It was all normal. Just her on the lounge, The Hangover trilogy playing on the tele and her phone in hand as she just scrolls and scrolls and scrolls, not really reading anything but not really watching the tele either. The thing that keeps her occupied is her thoughts and they’re suffocating her and all she wants to do is to stop thinking but she can’t.    

 

Before she’s aware of it, tears are dripping out of the corners of her eyes. And she lets them. Y/N lets the tears roll down her cheeks, and she sniffles, making no move to wipe them away because it hurts. Goddamn it – it hurts so much. To be in a relationship with someone you love, only to have to start doubting the other’s feelings towards you and realising that maybe they never loved you in the first place.    

 

Y/N barely notices when the door opens. Barely notices when Calum walks in, a small smile on his lips, only to have it drop completely as he hears sniffles. Barely notices when he's walking over to the lounge and peering over, his eyes widening and brows furrowing as he takes in the sight of Y/N crying softly into a square pillow, curled up into herself.    

 

“Hey, hey, don’t cry,” Calum coos instantly, walking over to her and easily manoeuvring so that she’s sat on his lap. And he moves so fast (or he was probably moving at normal speed but Y/N’s not really able to think straight right now. The tears are fucking with her head) that she barely registers it.    

 

He hushes her, arms wrapped tightly around her figure. Keeps cooing things like “baby, please don’t cry,” and “why are you crying, my love?” and “you’re too beautiful to cry,” and “I love you, baby, please stop crying," and Y/N just wants him to stop because he doesn’t mean any of those things. He doesn’t mean them.    

 

Y/N eventually calms down enough to pull away from him, sliding out of his lap despite the frown that comes onto his handsome face when she does so. She reaches a hand up, wiping at her eyes, then scooting even further away from him.    

 

"Hey – ” Calum starts to say, but Y/N shakes her head.    

 

“Please don’t,” she says quietly. So quietly that she’s surprised he heard her. But he did, and his frown just deepens.   

 

“What – ”   

 

Y/N shakes her head again. She doesn’t even say anything this time, but Calum stays silent. Watches her with that deep frown that doesn’t look right on his face. She takes in a deep breath, eyes darting across his face and then dropping down to her lap where her fingers are tangled together. Y/N blows out a sigh.    

 

It’s clear that he doesn’t love her anymore, right? That he’s just staying with her because he’s a nice (enough) guy. If he’s found someone else and isn’t sure about pursuing it because of her then she’s going to let him go. He deserves to be happy. She does, too, of course. But right now, she’s in love with Calum Hood. And Calum’s happiness would ultimately mean her happiness, even if it isn’t achieved whilst with her.    

 

She takes in another deep breath, shaking her head subtly and then the top row of her teeth are gnawing into her bottom lip. “I think… I think we should break up,” she says and her voice comes out as a soft whisper. But the gasp that comes out of Calum’s mouth is louder than her whisper and it’s got her heart clenching but she doesn’t want to look up at him.    

 

“What? Why?” He splutters out, moving to scoot closer but Y/N’s getting to her feet instantly, shaking her head as she looks at him.    

 

Y/N gulps, “Because you…” she trails off, smiling a little. “– you deserve to be happy, Cal.”   

 

Calum’s wide eyes remain as wide and his eyebrows knot together lightly in the middle of his forehead. He, too, gets to his feet. “But I am happy. With you. I’m happy with you,” he says – pleads, almost.    

 

She shakes her head softly, “You’re not,” she says so softly. “Look, Cal. I – ” she sighs. “Something changed. I don’t know what changed between us. But you don't – you don't love me anymore. And, maybe you say you do, but you don’t. It’s clear to anyone, to everyone. And all I want is for you to be happy so I’m breaking up with you so that you can get that happiness that you deserve,” a traitorous tear runs down her cheek.    

 

Calum gets to his feet, walking towards her. He looks like he’s about to cry and she fucking hates it. Because he doesn’t love her. He should be smiling right now. He shouldn’t look so heartbroken.

 

“But – ”   

 

“Cal,” Y/N interrupts him again. “Please.”   

 

Calum gulps. Then he’s bringing a hand up to his hair and blowing out a frustrated breath. His tongue darts out to dampen his lips then, “Listen to me, okay? Let me talk, and then decide if you still want to break up with me.”   

 

She just nods and uses a hand to gesture for him to carry on talking.    

 

He takes in a deep breath, “I get it, okay? I get why you think I don’t love you anymore. I’ve been a fucking asshole to you. I know that. And I know I missed your birthday and I’ve been going out way more than I really need to, but – fuck,” Calum cards his fingers through his hair once more. “This is new to me, Y/N. This is so fucking new to me and I’m terrified.”   

 

Y/N frowns, “What do you mean by that?” She asks softly.   

 

This,” he gestures to the both of them. “I’ve never loved someone this much. I’ve never had a relationship that lasted this long and was this serious. I’ve never woke up in the morning and looked over at the person next to me, thinking that holy fuck, she’s so beautiful and I could spend the whole morning looking at her. I’ve never been through this before and I was scared. I am scared, okay? I – ” he sighs. “I’m scared things are going too fast because I find myself not being able to remember what life was like before I met you. I’m scared that I’m going to scare you off completely and you’ll leave me and I’ll die alone and – "  Calum sighs again. This one’s heavier.

 

His eyes are a bit glassy now but he’s fighting so hard to keep the tears at bay. "I’ve been a dick because I thought that, maybe, if I stayed away from you, you would start to hate me. Maybe I’d stop falling. But I already fell and I didn’t think it was possible but I fall more and more in love with you everyday. I thought that maybe you’d realise you could do better and you’d walk out while you could. And I could probably live with the heartbreak because we’re so busy with tour and like, I wouldn’t have time to think about you and you would be happy with some other guy that could give you everything you deserve and I would be happy, because you’re happy.”   

 

“Cal – ”   

 

He shakes his head, “It backfired on me, really. Because everyday away from you just made me miss you more, even though we’re in the same country again. And I know about Michael and you almost kissing. I know but I’m not mad because fuck, he’s been a better boyfriend than I have and he hasn’t even had a girlfriend since he was, like, fourteen. Or fifteen. It’s been a long ass time. And, like. I thought I’d be okay with it? You and Mikey? But I’m not because just the thought of you two together is like a stab through my fucking heart."    

 

Calum sniffles. "So there,” he smiles a broken smile, outstretching his arms a bit; as though showing something off. “I just want you to know that I love you, Y/N. I love you so fucking much, and I know it seems like I’m trying to, like, guilt you into staying with me, but I’m not. Break up with me because I’ve been a twat. I'll understand. I won’t try to fight it anymore because I know I’ve deserved it. As long as you’re happy in the end, then I’ll be happy.”  

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