5SOS one shots (boys x Reader)


80. Aftermath Pt2 (also stand alone)

Michael doesn’t force him to talk about it, because Michael knows him. Michael’s in his blood and veins as much as Y/N is and Calum wouldn’t dream of ever trying to remove the other boy from his everything because he means as much as Y/N does.

But now he’s only got Michael. Because Y/N’s… left him. Because he was a prick. Because he was a fucking idiot. Because—

Because she’d always deserved better than a dropout who gave up a promising career in football for the band that’s now constantly touring and is almost never ever home.

“I really fucked it up, didn’t I?” Calum finds himself mumbling even though he didn’t even intend to speak, let alone talk about Y/N and what had just happened.

“You wanna tell me what happened?” Michael asks, not a drip of pressure in his tone. It’s just a question. If Calum wants to talk, Michael will listen. If Calum doesn’t want to talk, Michael will sit with him and let him wallow in self-pity.

“I—” Calum starts, swallowing, hugging his knees to his chest.

He’s still sat on the floor, back against the wall and knees bent. Michael hadn’t made him move, he’d just made Calum down a glass of water and then he was joining Calum on the floor, back against the wall, too. Michael turns his head to look at him when Calum starts, and Calum decides that he can’t do this with Michael watching him, so he loosens the hold he has on his legs, letting his body fall sideways until he’s curled up on the floor on his side, head in Michael’s lap.

The other boy barely reacts to it.

“I said some things,” Calum says, quietly. “Said that… I don’t even know how it started,” Calum chokes out on a laugh. “But— but. I said that— said she could be cheating on me. Every time I left. And I— I wouldn’t know, ‘cause I’m never fucking home. I’d never find out, either, ‘cause… ‘cause ‘m never in a city long enough to do the whole fucking paranoid boyfriend shit.”

“Why’d you say it?” Michael asks quietly, and Calum winces.

“I don’t— I don’t know. It just— came out. I didn’t mean it— I. I know that she wouldn’t cheat on me. That’s not the kinda person that Y/N is. She’s— she’s a hundred fucking times better than me and she deserves someone that’s a million times better than me, and I know how lucky I am— how lucky I was? I just—” Calum clenches his eyes shut.

“I know she wouldn’t do that to me, wouldn’t do that to anyone. And I still fucking said it, ‘cause I felt fucking insecure because she’s— she’s Y/N, and ‘m on tour all the time and I’ve never done shit like that, either, you know that. But sometimes ‘m scared I’ll fuck up and accidentally kiss someone else, or fuck someone else, and— fuck. I just— I’m so scared.”

“Of?” Another hushed question.

“Losing her,” Calum answers truthfully, without having to even think about it. “I can’t— I can’t see myself without her, Mikey. I don’t— fuck,” he laughs, once and bitter, eyes teary. “I don’t fucking remember what it was like before I met her, y’know? You know I’ve had, like, a couple of ex’s that never lasted and with them— I knew I could move on, afterwards, y’know? But with Y/N? I can’t. I can’t see myself with anyone else, ever, and it scares the shit out of me, ‘cause I think that she’s it, and—”

Michael’s fingers run through his hair.

Calum’s seen this one poem before, and it struck something inside of him and it stuck with him, always in the back of his mind, and he’d never properly understood it, not really.

Not until today. Where Y/N is standing right in front of him, too far for him to reach and touch, but she’s there and she’d come because of his multiple calls and she’s looking at him and he’s looking back at her and it’s like he can’t breathe because he hasn’t seen her in three days but by God, it feels like it’s been three fucking years.

“I didn’t mean it. Any of it.”

She blinks at him, then she’s clenching her jaw, rolling her eyes. “That’s the shittiest fucking apology I’ve ever heard,” she scoffs, then she’s turning on her heel, about ready to walk out that door again and—

Calum can’t fucking handle that. Not again.

“No, wait,” he calls out, taking hurried steps towards her. Y/N stops, but she doesn’t turn back to look at him, and he gulps— he can do this. He just— he needs to apologise.

“I’m—” he sighs, dragging a hand down his face. “I’m sorry. So fucking sorry that I don’t think anything I say can, like, tell you how sorry I am. Because I fucked up, I know that. I didn’t— I didn’t mean any of that shit I said to you. I— I don’t have an excuse, apart from I’m an insecure piece of shit who realises that I’m not good enough for you, and you deserve someone a hundred times better than me, but I love you more than I thought possible and— fucking hell. I just— you’re the first person I’ve ever felt like this before. I’ve never—never—loved someone like this and I am fucking terrified.”

Y/N turns to look at him, slowly, but Calum’s not looking at her. He can’t. Because now that he’s thinking about it— who is he to hold her back? Who the fuck is he to decide that he can be this selfish son of a bitch who won’t let this beautiful human being go to be with someone she deserves?

(He is no one.)

“I needed to apologise,” Calum finally says, finally flicking his eyes to look back at her. She’s looking at him with something in her eyes that he can’t pick apart, but he doesn’t dwell. Instead, he inhales sharply, preparing himself.

He’s breaking his own heart. But it’s what he has to do, because he has to let her go, because he isn’t good enough.

“I needed you to know that I didn’t mean anything of what I said, the other day. That I know you wouldn’t ever do that to me— to anyone. That I’m sorry for ever hurting you, and I’m sorry for ever even fucking hinting that you’d stoop so low. You wouldn’t. I know you wouldn’t.”

Calum licks at his lips. “That’s— that’s all I needed to say. I— I’m sorry. I’m sorry. And… and I’ll— I’ll let you go. And you won’t— you won’t hear from me again. I won’t— I won’t call you anymore, I swear. I— you’ll— you’ll find that guy that deserves you,” (but no one ever will.) “— the one that will be there for you when you need him, the one that’ll— the one that you deserve. I— I want you to… find him.”

Calum looks at her, and Y/N looks back at him. Her brows are knotted in a slight frown, but she says nothing, and he nods, once. He turns on his heel, his heart already fucking shattering in his chest. He tells himself that he doesn’t deserve her, especially not after the shit he’d said to her.

But then— “What about what I want?”

Calum halts in his step, and— hope is a terrible, terrible thing. But god fucking dammit, Calum dares to hope that maybe, just maybe, she thinks that he’s it for her, too.

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