GOODBYE

Life isnt fair, and the once cheerful mabel pines knows this oh too well. so this is goodbye, because i cant stand it anymore,

TRIGGER WARNING THEMES OF SUICIDE AND SELF HARM

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1. TRIGGER WARNING- SUICIDE AND SELF HARM

I’m meant to be the happy one and support people. I’m meant to protect them and keep them happy. So why can’t I do that for myself? I don’t want to be here anymore.

Mabel pines was sat on the train bridge that loomed over the town. It wasn’t easy to get to, and involved a lot of climbing and jumping, the last time she had been there was when Gideon had tried to kidnap her. It didn’t really matter if she had fell though, that what she had intended on doing anyway.

Keep smiling. Keep smiling. Keep smiling.

I wonder if anyone had noticed the vibrant smile and bouncy nature of the girl had slowly began to slip, that now just to act happy caused her pain. It was ridiculous really, but she didn’t want anyone to find out, not yet. Because then what wold she be, her brother was smart, Stan was cunning, Soos was… Soos, everyone else had something, and what was Mabel? Happy? She wasn’t even that anymore. She wasn’t dumb, it’s not like she hadn’t realised how useless and unhelpful she was. She ruined everything. Even her parents had said so. “Can’t you be more like your brother? He gets good grades!” it didn’t seem like much, but she would always be below dipper. She had just stopped telling her parents her grades in the end, it was easier than be shouted at.

She was only speeding up the process, nobody cared if she died. Stan, yeah he’d be upset but he’d already started to realise what was going on with her, he probably expected it. Dipper would be better off without her. Candy and Grenda, she loved them but in the end they barely knew her, did they? Did anyone know her? Had she ever let anyone in? And Pacifica northwest, the girl who had monotonously picked on her all the summers she had spent here, that despite that, she still had a crush on, she would be happy when she died.

Mabel pulled up her sleeve, revealing scars and cuts that laced the inside of her arm. If she wasn’t quick the train would come anyway. That’s why she had picked here, once you’re there, there’s really no way out. Be run over. Fall of the bridge. Or bleed to death. If you picked the last, chances were one of the first two would happen anyway. She pulled her ankle up to her chest, reaching into her sock to pull out an old pencil sharpener blade she had managed to pillage. She brought the sharp metal to her skin. Hesitating, then quickly swiping across her wrist.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I can’t do this anymore.

Most people didn’t know that they had been sent back to Oregon because their parents were fighting, and her mother had run of with another man. Most people, didn’t want to know. Mabel was the only one who had suspected the affair, dipper hadn’t even realised, and he was still hell bent on the fact that they would get back together.

That’s not how it works dip dop.

She smiled at the old nickname. She had called it that in the letter she had wrote, it probably wasn’t long till they found her ‘suicide note’ it had however taken up most of her notebook, there was a lot she wanted to say before she was gone. She had already began to become faint from the large gash on her arm. But that wouldn’t kill her, it was only meant for the pain. So she wouldn’t back out. She couldn’t back out now.

This was where her perfect bubble was, she wanted it back.

Maybe that’s where I’ll go when I die.

I don’t want to die.

To be left in a burning building, or to jump out of the window. Neither one I want, I want the building to stop burning. But I’d rather not go down in flames till my entire spirit is burnt and ruined. No one’s going to put out the flames.

The floors a long way down

But the train comes in 5 minutes.

Mabel pulled herself to the end of the tracks. Feeling the old wood creak under the pressure. It was surprising they held up a train. Her feet were now hanging of the edge of the bridge, her head faced slightly downwards. The town was beautiful, and past the trees that filled in all the spare land, and the fancy mansion that had once belonged to the Northwest’s, she could see the mystery shack.

I wonder when they’ll find my letter. It’s really the end isn’t it?

The sun had begun to come up behind her, basking her in an orange glow. And for the first time in months she smiled for real, and laughed.

In her memory, that minute goes on forever, waving her legs happily over the edge of the bridge and laughing. But then of course, it would, because the train had come. And she had barely the time to see it, she was still smiling.

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