The run

Daisy is fighting with her grief and self confidence, she had some though years. She just needed to get away.
She have moved to the other side of the World, there is this boy who make her so mad and so happy at the same time.
She can't see how it ever would evolve, she is damage goods, she would just take him with her when she falls.


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7. Chapter 7

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We must have fallen asleep because it was night when I woke up and Simones pajamas was on her bed so she must be out partying. I turned around and looked at Nate, he was so peaceful in his sleep, not like me with my nightmares and screams. But i didn’t have nightmares when I slept with him. It was nice and scary because this meant that when he left me I would scream again.

I know I can’t be with him, he will found out how damaged I am and then leave me. I’m not strong enough for that pain, so I will rather rip the bandage of now than later. But for now I will just let him sleep and look at his calm face.

I must have fallen asleep again because when I wake up this time,  I wake up to Nate’s eyes looking at me. I don’t like being watch so I push his head gently away from me. He smile his big smile. I can’t stop my smile from growing.

 


“Why can’t you let me look at you?” Nate looks back at me and I blush.

 


“I don’t like it”

 


“But i do” His hand push some of my wild hair away from my face.

 


“What time is it?” I have to change the subject.

 


“8:30 AM, do you have plans today?”

 


“Nothing except bawl at Sky” I have to write her a text real soon or else I will forget it.

 


“Why do you have to do that?”

 


“She told you were I were, she shouldn’t have done that”

 


“Why not?” He looked confused.

 


“There was a reason why I didn’t wanted to be found in the first place”

 


“So you haven’t changed your mind about us?” Now he looked hurt.

I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. I want to be with him but my confidence is non exciting and I don’t have any experience in relationships. And on top of that it doesn't look like we have anything in common.

Nate likes to do sport and being social, he is kind, funny, helpful and insanely hot of course.
Nate have a perfect family, he have grown up in this nice house where everyone is happy and helpful. He haven’t felt grief yet and I’m not the one who will show him the bad side of it.

All the things he is I’m not. I hate sport, I’m not good at being social I’m more like the awkward frog in the corner. I’m not funny at all. And the hotness I don’t come near something there is remotely hot, I’m more like an icecube while Nate is the sun.

I melt when I’m near him. I disappear in him, I get trapped in a way I don’t know and that makes me insecure.

Nate stood up from the bed, I think he needed to come away from me and my unspoken words.

 


“Why are you doing this to us?” I couldn’t answer his question. He couldn’t know so much about me.

 


“Can’t you just trust me that it will be the best for you?” I hated this. I asked him to trust me without I trusted him.

 


“Fine. I can’t change your mind so I promise you that I won’t bother you anymore” Nate took his jacket and left.

I stayed in bed that day. It was sunday so it wasn't that bad. I cried my eyes out and read some of the sad books I had on my shelf. I needed to get away in the characters pain instead of my own, it felt more bearable that way. Simone came home late in the afternoon.

 


“How do you know Nate?” Simone was so curious all the time and right now wasn't the time to be curious about Nate.

 


“I have litterature with him and we have an assignment together” It was a lie about the assignment, but maybe it could cut her of.

 


“Then why did he hold your hand?” She noticed everything, god damn it.

 


“It must have been a reflex. He probably walk hand in hand with a lot a girls” I just want to stop this conversation.

 


“He doesn’t. But I wouldn’t mind being near him when one of his reflexes is active” She said it with a dreamy look I didn’t like. It wasn’t fair of me. I had rejected Nate and now I was jealous of Simone who just daydreamed about him. Simone left me alone with my reading, thank God for that. I wasn’t sure how much more Nate conversation I could take.

That night I had nightmares. It wasn’t the nightmares I was used to.

My nightmares is usually about the way mom died, it was the worst day of my life because I saw it happen.

This time I found Nate. I woke up screaming.

I had told Simone my night routine. She had taken it easy which was good. She said she didn’t notice anything when she slept, but she had bought some ear plugs she could sleep with so she was sure not to wake up.

I looked at the watch on my nightstand. 5:30 AM. I couldn’t sleep again so I took clothes on and my shoes in my hand and walked out in the hall. I took my shoes and jacket on and started to walk toward the door. I had to get out and shake the nightmare of me.

 


I didn’t get a lot of sleep the next couple of days. I hadn’t seen Nate, he probably kept away from me. But all I wanted was to see if he was okay. Since our last conversation my nightmares had been about him, it was unbearable. It tortured me every time I woke up after dreaming about him. It was hard seeing him dead, but it was also hard to see him knowing that my unconscious thought about him. I hoped my nightmares would stop when I saw him in litterature.

I could feel that he was near before I saw him. He came into the class and our eyes met. He was the one who looked away, not me. I looked terrible because of my lack of sleep. But I wasn’t prepared for the look I met. He looked terrible too. Not as terrible at me but not as good as he used to. He was still the hottest guy at Campus but now he looked reachable.

He walked toward me but he wasn’t looking at me and it hurt. He sat down on one of the first row. I was alone up here, but that was what I had asked for so why did it hurt so bad?

When the class was over I didn’t hurry out as I used to. I stayed put till everyone was gone.

The rest of October was one big blurred. Nate didn’t sit with me in litterature anymore, he kept his promise about leaving me alone.

Sky asked if I wanted to go with her, Nathalie and Viktor to that karaoke bar again, but I wasn’t in the mood for anything. I had to go to the pharmacy to get some sleeping pills because I couldn’t continue this way. I hadn’t been concentrated in classes and it was almost time for exams. I made a plan to myself so I could be prepared for the exams.

It was important that I got good scores to keep my scholarship.

 

 

 

Step 1

Get some sleeping pills.

 


Step 2

Buy snacks so you can always get a energy boost.

 


Step 3

Read all the textbooks for: Literature, American history, Spanish and Pottery.

 


Step 4

Order flight tickets to Denmark.

 


Step 5

Forget Nate.

 


Four of my steps was realistic, I wasn’t sure for number 5 but I would try my best to complete it.

I could feel that my friends was worried for me because of my lag of sleep. My mood wasn’t the best either but they didn’t comment on it fortunately. It got better when I had gotten the sleeping pills, then I didn’t looked that tired even though I felt  more tired than ever.

 


Nate looked better after a couple of weeks. That was good, it meant that my decision was right. He would have been tired of me and then broken my heart, it was good that I had taken the bandage of early. Maybe I will have forgotten him after winter break. I didn’t think so, but there was a small hope.

My preparation for the exams went smoothly. I had read all the books and felt ready for all the exams except pottery. In pottery should we make a vase that would show what our thoughts was about love. I didn’t have good thoughts about love, so I was prepared to blow that exam up. Sky loved the subject for the exam, she was so thrilled that she had seen all the classic love movies from pride and prejudice to pretty woman. I had watched them with her, but the love they felt in those movies wasn’t the real love.

The pottery exam was the first I had. We had 3 hours for it but the first 30 minutes I just stood there and looked at my piece of clay. We had gotten preparation time for this to work out a design, I hadn’t made a design because I really didn’t know what to make. I got so mad at myself that I sat down and started to give the clay a vase shape. The vase was like a balloon. Big in the bottom and small at the top. So far so good. I made some grooves in it so they where all the way around. I don’t know why I did what I did, but I made something which looked like two stick figures. The one had a heart in the hand and in their chest, the other had tears in the face and a hole in their chest. I didn’t have the time to change it so I painted it in rainbow colors and then I putted it in the oven. My time was done when it came out. I could see the other sculptures, one was heartshaped, one was two people who hold hand and become one and so on. All the imagines was happy, mine looked like someone had died. At least now I knew that if we ever had a subject which was sadness then I would get an A.

 


“It was such a good exam! I’m sure that I nailed it” Sky sounded happy and very convinced. But she was also the best in our class.

 


“I didn’t nailed that's for sure. My piece wasn’t happy at all”

 


“It probably didn’t went as bad as you think it did” Sky tried to cheer me up, but it didn’t worked. I just smiled a little smile to her so we could stop talking about this.
4 exams left and the I would fly home and spend the next 3 weeks in Denmark.

The next exams did well. My hard work paid off so that was good. It meant that even though I probably would fail my pottery class I could still keep my scholarship.

Simones exams was over faster than mine so she travelled home a couple of days before me. I had the room to myself which was quiet nice, it meant that I could clean without any interference from her. She had this OCD thing with which order you should clean in and it was quite disturbing actually because she got so mad when I didn’t followed the order.

I was in my jogging pants and a white top, I had tried to collect my hair in a ponytail but because it wasn’t that long it wasn’t easy. I was singing along to my favorite song at the moment, Closer by The chainsmokers. I was so shocked that I screamed when it knocked on the door. Everybody I knew had already left Campus so who could it be? I turned down the music and opened the door. There was nobody there but there stood a present with my name on. It didn’t tell who it was from, so I took it into the room and opened it. It was Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. Who had sent me a gift? Maybe Sky? No she left two days ago so it couldn’t be her. When I was done cleaning I sat down and read my new book. I had read it once before but it was ages ago and I didn’t quite get it back then, but I had grown a lot since.

It was saturday and finally it was my turn to leave Campus. I still hadn’t found out who sent me the book, but I was grateful for it. It was just what I needed to read so I didn’t feel completely alone. I missed my family so much so I couldn’t wait to get home.
My dad would pick me up in the airport today or tomorrow for him I wasn’t quite sure actually.

There was so many people out in the airport waiting to get home. I was lucky that I shouldn’t travel to another state because those flights were delayed with all that traffic and people. My security check went smoothly and I had time in the tax free zone. I sat down at one of the cafes and read the latest news from back home.
In the speakers they called my flight and said it was ready for boarding. Just when I was about to leave I saw him and he saw me. I couldn’t face him even though he was on his way over to me, so I just turned around and walked toward my flight.

I got on board before he catched me.

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