The run

Daisy is fighting with her grief and self confidence, she had some though years. She just needed to get away.
She have moved to the other side of the World, there is this boy who make her so mad and so happy at the same time.
She can't see how it ever would evolve, she is damage goods, she would just take him with her when she falls.


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1. Chapter 1

I'm on my way to New York from Copenhagen I'm going to spend 4 years on NYU, I have to start over and get an education a place where nobody know me.
 

The last couple of years have I been running from things. It’s not the best decision but in this case did I feel it was the only option.

I have left my family back in Denmark. I have left my brothers, my dad and my niece.
My oldest brother James he is the one I goes to with my dreams and frustrations, but he is busy with his job and daughter now, I understand it but I miss him.

When I told him I wanted to go to New York was he excited. He would help me get in on a college and give me financial support. I had the most of the money by myself from my heritage and I wanted to apply for some scholarships.
We sat up all night to get my application ready and when we pushed send, did I knew it was the right decision.
I told my dad what we had done and he reacted as I thought he would. All he asked about was how I wanted to finance it and if I thought I could handle the pressure about being a new place that far away from everything and everybody I knew. I know he just wants to make sure that I’m safe and happy but sometimes I need a little happy support on my behavior.
I have never heard him say that he love me but I know he does.
I have a lot of his personality I don’t show my feelings; I speak my mind before I get to think about what people will feel, I’m very competitive and I don’t have any patience.
But I also have some of my mom's personality. She was always open minded and warm, everybody liked her and no one said a bad word about her.

My other brother Alex he is sick. He has epilepsy and a brain damage. It has been hard to grow up with him because he needed a lot of attention, he still does but now he lives at a home with other people who is in the same situation as him. Our mom was always the one who took care of him, she was the one who had the patience and my dad worked a lot and specially at night.


So it was a shock when mom died.


I was 17 at that point and I was finishing my last year of highschool. James had just gotten his first job after college and was about to move in with his girlfriend who was pregnant with their future daughter.
Alex was living in a home nearby and everyday he and mom drank a cup of coffee together.
Dad worked as he always did so he had to turn upside down his life now or at least I thought so.


James thought he had to be strong for all of us. He have always been very protective for Alex and I. Mostly me because I’m his little sister; I remember when I was little he always said that he had to approve my first boyfriend but that he would prefer if I didn’t start dating before I was thirty. Alex have always got himself in problems because he doesn't have an awareness of situations. If a professional jumps out from a cliff with a parachute he would do the same if you dared him. All the bullies in our small town knew it and sometimes they beated him up. James always came to his rescue and made sure that it never would happen again.

Mom and dad worked a lot and James is 8 years older than me so he always had that caregiving role in our family when mom and dad was busy. It has been hard for him because he thought he still had to have that role even when I was old enough to take care of myself and Alex was a part of a program where professionals got paid to take care of him.

 

James wouldn’t talk about mom with me or Alex. I tried to be strong when he was together with us but his girlfriend Chloe talked with me about how he handled it. It was hard to hear because all the feelings he had I had too but we couldn’t talk about it and we still can’t.

I don’t think Alex have ever grieved as we did. He misses her as much as we do I don’t doubt that and he is sad. But he doesn't think of her the way we do. We think of mom every time something big happens as me finishing high school, James getting his first real job and he is expecting his daughter. Mom really looked forward to being a grandmother for the first time. Alex most think of her when we talk about her, and sometimes he says something stupid so James and I get mad and we know we shouldn’t get mad at him, but it is just so hard because it is mostly lies and it isn’t good lies. He don’t do it on purpose but because he twist the situations around so he sounds ‘cool’ to his friends and then he don’t know that it is wrong.

Our dad lost himself, he worked even harder than he did before. I think he did that to push the grief away from himself and because he couldn’t handle being around his kids who was as sad as he was. He can see her in us and that made it even harder.

Our mom died in August and my dad introduced me for his new girlfriend in september.
It was a big surprise.

She had been dead in 20 days and been in the ground for 15 and he already had a new girlfriend.

James didn’t handle it well, he and Chloe cutted the contact to our dad until December.
Alex just thought that is was great now we got a new mom but we all tried to explain that no one could replace our mother; after a while he get to understand that to.

I didn’t knew what to feel. I was sad and angry and confused; our mom just died and my dad got himself a new girlfriend and I was the only one to live at home to see them together.

In October my dad sold the house we had lived in with mom and bought a new house in the same city. His new girlfriend moved in. I was trapped.

 

I was trapped with my feelings, I didn’t get the time to look through my mom’s things and find out the history behind them or what I wanted to save for the future. All I got was two jackets and a few jewelrys. My mom’s favorite necklace was a small silver heart with small fake diamonds but it had lost them all so it only had the holes left. I have it around my neck now and I never take it off.

Above on all of my frustrations I should meet my dad’s new girlfriend’s family they were sweet and all; but I really just wanted to be alone with my family and talk about what have happend and how we should proceed from here. But in my family we aren’t good at sharing feelings and thoughts so we just walk around with it until it breaks us.

The relationship between my dad and his girlfriend had a new surprise for the family in november. She was pregnant.

What. The. Fuck.


I blacked out for a minute. James took his jacket and went home. Alex was happy he got to have a new little sister or little brother.

My dad didn’t know what to do either he didn’t wanted this child or he was grieving in his own way and was about to break into 1000 pieces. She didn’t wanted an abortion because she was up in the age and this was probably her last chance to get a child.


My dad said that he supported her but deep down he didn’t. The first christmas without mom was hard we wasn't with the rest of the family we chose to be just us four. Dad’s girlfriend was with her family because she didn’t wanted to be with us in this hard time. All I could think of was that she just wanted to come and infiltrate the family the rest of the time.

If christmas was bad then New Year was a catastrophe. Dad never drinks but this year he did.

I’m really afraid of fireworks because when I was little some of the embers from the firework came down under my shirt and burned my back.

This year my dad was convinced that this should be the year where I wasn’t afraid anymore. He pushed me gently out of the door and over near the fireworks but out of the normal danger zone. I started crying and I felt childish because I was 18 and I was afraid of fireworks. He was drunk.

His girlfriend yelled at him for pushing me outside when he knew how afraid I was.
My dad got so mad that he took the car and drove away. He was away all night and came back in the morning. I was so worried because he had been driving drunk, and you never know what can happen then.


Three days later she moved. She said he had too many problems and she couldn’t deal with it.

Maybe she shouldn't have seduced a man who just had lost his wife.

From now on it was only my dad and I. James had become over his anger for our dad’s weird grieving. Alex was still Alex.

Dad started with a psychologist and I think it helped him he got better with time.

I startet to hear a CD that was about losing somebody and moved forward. I got some of my energy back and dad did to.

Dad sold his company and was more home. He loves to be in the garden it was a kind of therapy for him so he spended the most of his time out there.

James and Chloe got this beautiful daughter in February her middle name was Meghan she is named after our mom.

The summer came fast. I couldn’t even remember spring but suddenly graduation came and I finished high school.
I decided to take a gap year and just work. It had been a hard year and it wasn’t over yet. I got a fulltime job in a bookstore and became good friends with my boss.
I read so many books that all of my free time did I either use with my best friend Sarah or reading.


Last year we skipped my birthday. I didn’t feel for it. I turned 18 in October only a few months after mom died. But James had decided that this year we should celebrate my birthday. We invited everybody, our grandmother, great grandmother, uncles, aunts and cousins. My favorite uncle, aunt and cousins and my great grandmother showed up. My great grandmother was now a great great grandmother for my niece and she was so happy. She had talked about that. The last baby she had in her arms was me.

My favorite people was here and we ate some cake and laughed. Later when everybody had gone home I visited my mom on the graveyard.


I broke down.


It was the first time I visited her here I haven’t been strong enough to do it yet. The last time I even thought about going up here was at graduation to celebrate my victory with her but I couldn’t. Instead I locked myself into my room and stayed there. I didn’t go to a graduation party where everybody else were. Sarah couldn’t understand what I went through so she mostly let me be by myself but I knew she was there when I needed her.

In November I decided that I couldn’t stay here anymore. I had to get away and not just to the neighbor city but far far away.


It’s the 21 August, it’s sunday. I have gotten a email from my future roomie that she had already packed out and looking forward to meet me.


I have finally landed in the airport. JFK is way more confusing than the airports I'm used too. There is people ever where, I can't see how I'm ever going to get use to this, I’m from the countryside so I’m more use to horses than people. It took an hour to find my luggage because I can't figure out which way the signs wants me to go. All I have to do now is to find a taxi and get to campus, easier said than done. I go out to the front hall, I have my two big suitcases and my backpack. I'm looking forward to get some sleep. There is 6 hours times difference, so I'm tired, I need to get some sleep so I can think again. I can't find any signs there shows the way to the taxies I have to ask my way. I ask this old man who points me in a direction, I walk out there just to see the big line of people. I sigh, can the odds just for ones be in my favor? I have seen too much Hunger Games. When I look across road can I see a lot of taxies without any lines. I look to both sides to see if there is coming any cars, the cars keeps coming. I wait 10 minutes before I can see a loophole to walk over, I take my luggage and run.

Bang, everything is black.

The last thing I see is a face with green eyes with grey lakes in them.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

I am disorientated when I woke up. I don’t know where I am. I look around in the room; I remember that I am in New York.

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