Personal Guide to Getting Over a Break Up. (DIARY)


1. The story of [what was] us

      It all started sophomore year of high school (2014-2015):

    We had second and third block together first semester and from the moment I saw him I knew he'd have a huge impact on my life. He was so smart and sweet and funny and something about him just drew me toward him. It was the stereotypical school girl crush. I spent that entire semester trying to get his attention, playing dumb in class so he'd help me or 'accidentally ' brushing his hand when he went by me. Then the semester ended and classes changed, we then had third and fourth block together. Towards the end of that year we go close. We'd sit in the small desk together and I'd slowly move my hand to his or he'd play drums on my leg when we watched movies. Any time he was near my face heated up and the butterflies were insane, more like ninjas practing. When the year ended we didn't talk much. We messaged each other once or twice but that was it.

junior year (2015-2016):

We had first and second block together. He walked into my French class and the butterflies all came back, he smiled but instead of at me, it was at another girl I'm class. He went and sat next to her and for the first two months of school I was convinced they were a thing. Then in October at the fall formal, she stood him up and I comforted him and talked my best friend into dancing with him (I was too shy). After that him and I started talking, on November 25 2015 he drove to my brothers house where I was staying the night and brought me waffles at 1AM. We shared our first kiss that might. Then on November 30 2015 he asked me to be his. I was so beyond excited. I started sneaking out to see him or sneaking him in. Then on December 4 2016 I lost my virginity to him.. I was so afraid that he was going to leave me but he didn't.  The next few months were amazing. We obviously had our fights but that was to be expected. Then after about four months he got really controlling, he controlled who I talked to and he'd make comments and how much makeup I wore or that I was showing too much and that my body belonged to him. I didn't think anything of it. I had a friend who he hated though, it was a guy that I worked with and he often texted me "hey beautiful ". I normally just kinda blew it off but I gave my boyfriend my phone one day and my friend texted me and he exploded saying I was cheating. He became really invasive and always accused ,e of cheating. I got so tired of the negativity I would go to my guy friend when I was upset and he would hold me while I cried, he comforted me. Well when my boyfriend found out about that he demanded I give everything back because he had gone through my phone again and was positive I was cheating. I stopped talking to my friend but I'd always be told at work they my boy wasn't good for me and even though I stopped talking to my friend I heard many rumor about my boyfriend, including that he lied to me about losing his virginity to me. In April I told him I needed a break. During that break I hung out with my guy friend from work and he kissed me. The next day I called my boyfriend crying and told him what happened. He was pissed but we got back together and worked things out. After that we were on and off until July. During those months my boyfriend told me he hadn't loved me since April and I ended up getting drunk and actually cheating on him, I told him and he called me every name under the sun. I felt like the lowest scum on the earth. Then his ex texted me and told me that all through the eight months him and I were together he had cheated on me with her. I was crushed. She exploited many other things about him and I learned that my relationship had been built entirely on lies. I confronted him and he begged me to believe that he never did me wrong and that since I was now feeling the pain he was in that he would take me back. Of course I more than happily got back with him, he's my baby.

senior year ( 2016- now):

 we got back together August third and for a little while everything was fine. I didn't talk to that friend anymore and I allowed him to block anyone he didn't want me talking to. I dropped many of my friends and even quit my job. I didn't visit my brother and my sister anymore because he didn't want me to. I was completely obsored with him. I tried to change everything about me so that he wouldn't stop loving me. In early October he brought up everything that had happened over the summer and insisted he needed a three week break to see if he still loved me, that day he broke up with me. I put everything in a bag and told him to get it. I texted many of my old friends and unblocked those he had blocked. I didn't see a point in having them blocked if we hadn't talked in two months anyways. I figured they wouldn't even notice they weren't blocked any longer. We got back together but he said he needed his space. I agreed and laid off a little. The I found out a girl I'm his fourth block was all over him, I asked him about it and he admitted it but said he didn't flirt back so it was okay. I told him I wasn't comfortable with that and to not let it continue. My old friend had tried to call me one day but I ignored it because I wasn't supposed to talk to him. Then on October 22 my boyfriend went through my phone and seen where I'd had a missed call from him. He claimed to have accidentally went through my phone but that day he went through my dressers, stands, phone, I pad and everything else in my room. He acted like he didn't want to be around me. I asked what was wrong and even reblocked my old friend to make him happy. When he left he texted me and he  accused me of cheating again and said he was done with me. He told me he loved me but that that was the last time I'd hear that and immediately blocked me on everything... 


(October 25 2016)













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