Kik | A.I |

It all started with a simple chat and everything changed for the both of them.


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9. Chapter 8

 

 

Hatred. That's all I feel lately is hatred. I don't try to obviously. Since I've kinda distanced myself from Asher after what he said, I've been trying to give people a chance and not snap at them the moment someone stares at me. I've been trying to find something that could possibly lift my spirits from my constant thoughts that are most of the time negative. Why am I ignoring him? I don't exactly know to be honest. My heart is trying to convince me that he's not out to get me and is potentially being nice and wants to help in a way that I haven't received in a while. But then there's my brain, telling me that he's just messing with me. His personality being one of the most dangerous ones I've 'witnessed' in awhile, he may seem like to be really nice and will listen to everything if I need to vent to him but all that could be turned against me and apparently to me those kind of personalities can be sketchy.

 

***

 

I was sitting in my room, as usual, just staring out the window. It was raining outside and that just further brought down my mood but I do like the rain though. The sound of the pitter-patter on the window and the roof being the only comforting noise in my life of drowning and constantly being torn down.

 

Today was just like any other day, my brain telling me the things I'll never in a million years see myself as. I'll never be happy with myself, I'll constantly hate the way I look, constantly comparing myself to people who are much better looking than me. I will never be somebody's first choice, or second. Somebody will always put somebody else before me. See, here's the thing about me, when I actually still had friends I would always put their feelings before my own because to be honest, somebody else's happiness is more important than mine. I don't consider my feelings worth saving. With the little feelings and emotions I have left. But with me pushing everyone away from me to keep myself 'safe', I just turned bitter towards everyone.

 

While I was deep inside my head I was contemplating if I wanna unmute my phone and respond to Asher. I muted it just so I wouldn't have to hear the text tone noise every time he texted me. What I don't understand is, why is he so keen on talking to me, there's literally nothing interesting about my well being, I don't really say anything when I do talk to him. On his part I feel kinda guilty that he's spending or more like wasting his time trying to talk to me. I don't get it.

 

I glanced at my phone for a good couple minutes thinking wither or not I should. But then again here comes my brain telling me if I do, he'll constantly hound me to tell me what's wrong or there's a possibility that he'll not wanna talk to me anymore and use that opportunity to tell me that he gives up on me, just like everyone else I've come in contact with. So I decided against it.

 

I took a deep breath and laid down on my bed staring at the wall. My walls mainly covered with dark paintings that I've done through out my life. My 'family' think different of them which keeps them from asking what's going on with me but in reality its all the things that go through my head, all of them depicting different forms of society and what each does to a teenager. But one thing that's different is the small collage of pictures and posters I've collected of 5 Seconds of Summer by my bed, so when I go to sleep I have a reminder of why I'm still living. The collage is a number of group photos of the band and a couple posters of Ashton in the center.

 

I laid there and stared at one of the posters of Ashton and couldn't help but tear up just staring at his face. I tear up because I fear I'll never be able to tell him once in my life that he's the reason I'm not dead. There's so many things that I wish I could tell him personally but me being me I'll never have that chance and I'm stuck staring at this face on my wall him smiling back at me. The smile that's saved me.

 

***

 

After awhile of crying my eyes out and staring at the picture, I sat up drying my eyes on my sleeves and stared at my phone. I didn't care anymore I actually kinda wanted to talk to Asher, so I grabbed my phone, did my passcode and went onto the app. I found his name that was still set on mute and unmuted him. I sat there looking at it watching it blow up with relentless texts from him .

 

After a bit of watching it spaz out, it stopped and it had stopped on the most recent text which was at the beginning of the day.

 

​Today @ (3:17pm)

 

Asher Sirwin: ​I don't know where you are Lucy or what happened to you but I really hope you're okay. Please talk to me soon, I miss talking to you. If you're having a hard time, I wanna offer you a listen from a song by 5 Seconds of Summer, you may or may not have heard this one yet but it's really good and who knows you may need to hear the message it has. Consider listening to the song Carry On, the title kinda speaks for itself. I'll leave you alone now, but here's the link to the song if you need it (3:19pm)

 

Then along after the message was a video of the song he mentioned. I listened to some of their new songs from the newest album, not all of them and figured I would take a listen because I did kinda need it, if it was a good song to listen to in this kind of situation, so I did.

 

​[ Hi, it's me again. Hope you like this new chapter. I'll update again once I upload another chapter for Tame the Monster. I figured that's how it would go. Since I'm pretty much writing both stories at the same time, I figured I would update one then update the other. So yeeah, that's how I'll update now. I do have a new story, Love you Better ​my Luke Hemmings story but I'm putting it on hold kind of while I work on these two stories. Cuz ya know, working on three stories at once would be kinda difficult, so yep. This is bye for now, hope you enjoyed this chapter, love you! ]

 

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