All The Things I Never Said

If I'm being honest, I don't even know what I'm doing right now. I just know that there are things that I've never said, and that I really, really ought to.


These are all the things I never said.

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5. The Third Message

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It feels like falling in love is something that cannot be done in a heartbeat, like they tell you in fairytales. It's more sort of steady, the beginnings of a friendship blossoming into something more until every fibre in your body drives you towards this one person and it's inescapable and that's when you realise that you're in too deep and you can't get out because love is like quicksand and the more you struggle, the faster you are pulled in.

And I think the moment when I realised that yes, yes what I felt for you was love, was at music club, funnily enough. You were playing piano and I was singing a song I can barely even remember the name of, and we were the two youngest there so we had to become friends because there was no other option, was there?

So we met at lunchtimes and walked together to practice and I had to fight the urge to reach out and take your hand in mine and smile, but I knew that I couldn't, knew that if I did it could jeopardise everything. And then you turned and smiled at me because I think I said something that you found funny and I felt my heart thump in my chest and all of a sudden it was clear.

And I shook slightly as I smiled back because there was you and there was me for a moment in a corridor outside a music classroom and we were only young and just learning our way around the world and friendships and emotions, but it felt like I could trust you. And I guess, despite everything, I always did. I still do.

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