We decided to have a gathering again, this time with me, my mate, her, and her boyfriend. It was a great night, we drank, ate, laughed and the usual stuff. When I drink it’s bad to say I feel like a normal person but that’s what it honestly does for me, I feel like I can communicate a bit more without the pressure of common sense from stopping me from saying things I wouldn’t normally say. The night was great, unfortunately, it may have ended early for me.
I was informed on some of the things that had happened during the night after the “Last thing” I could remember, they were things that I normally wouldn’t do and I regret. The weekend ends on a positive note, but it just got to, too much for me to handle. Life, people, questions, everything and anything pretty much started to annoy me, things I did or didn’t do I started to regret. The way I am and the way I could be, the way I want to be other than the way I currently am started to eat at me.
The communication ended with everyone, I shut myself in. I thought that removing myself from everyone’s life at the current stage would be a bad thing but it felt really good. I still missed those few messages that I would receive but it was only on the first day that it was the hardest. I saw the messages but I want to open them and read them so badly, I didn’t want to see how everyone else was enjoying themselves. Comes day two, it was easier. Before bed of the second day, though I decided to open the messages, only two were of concern but I didn’t think much of it. It was a brief summary of the two days I missed out on, one was my mate, a few of hers and her going out, “You should have come” was the message after the picture. That’s when it hit me, they knew where I was so it wouldn’t have killed to just check up, they didn’t need my permission to come see me. I finished with communication from everyone once again.
The next day was another great day, I started to actually meet new people outside of gaming, and it was all thanks to the removal of technology from my life for a few days. The end of that day though went shit real fast, my mate wasn’t too great, he spiraled down further than I had even seen him go before. His safety came to my concern and I had to see what caused this problem, I had to return to the real world to find out what was going on.
I found out that love is the worst enemy of any man, it eats them up on the inside until they can’t handle it anymore. Confessions happen but that’s when common sense has to follow in to see if it is really worth saying those confessions, some apply their common sense while others dive head in just to be heartbroken in return. I deal with the problem at hand with my friend, everything is fine with that although I know that problem is just going to return and happen again like it does every other time. I return to talking to her, she has more problems which we talk about again but before her telling me all her problems I confess. I told her “I like you” but I continue it on with “I know nothing was going to happen so I didn’t bother, but I had to remove it off my chest”, things like that just eat you away but once it was said, I felt great. I knew nothing would happen, that is because one; we spoke to each other every day and I knew I wasn’t one of her type, two; because I assessed every situation that would happen and I knew it just wouldn’t work out.
The bond, the friendship feels damaged between us now, is it worth continuing a damaged relationship? Is it easier to just return to your own world? How do I simply return once again when I’ve been filled with all these feelings again? The talks will be missed, stories will no longer be told, problems left unsolved and unanswered. Were these really anything to me from the start? Will I really miss them? Why is love so cruel but beautiful at the same time? Is this really the end of a friendship you said you wouldn’t end?