1. Note to self.
'It upsets me, that the me I see staring back at me at 6 in the morning, is not the me I want to see, it's not how I picture myself to be. I no longer see myself as the bubbly girl I once was. The me I now imagine, has a perfect smile, perfect hair and perfect skin - however its not the girl I see - the girl I see is sleep deprived from worrying too much, thin and bony from not eating enough and has a sad, distant look in her eye. It upsets me that that girl I see looking back at me in the mirror, is the real me.
It annoys me that at my young care free spirt has been sucked out of me at the age of just 13 and how now whenever I leave the house I feel as though people stare and judge me. How at the age of 13, I tell myself that its not ok to leave the house without makeup. It annoys me that I use makeup as a cover, as a screen to hide behind. It annoys me that the society I have been brought up in has ripped my self confidence and self belief to shreds, how without this 'cover' I do not feel pretty enough or accepted enough to be seen.
It angers me that I don't fit into size zero clothing, and as much as I try, I will never be as thin or as beautiful as the girls around me. I will never be as liked or as accepted as they are. It angers me that I feel this way as I know deep down it is wrong. It anger me that my brain has been warped to think of myself in this way, to view myself in a way that isn't real - it angers me that the girl that stares back at me isn't the girl I want to be.
It disappoints me that this is the way generation after me will be made to feel and how other around me feel the same way I do. It disappoints me that people just accept that this is how society is.
But then again, although it hurts me. I am just a girl of my generation and like many around me, underneath the makeup and the fake smiles is a young self conscious girl just trying to blend and fit into a mould that society portrays as acceptable."