My hands trembled at my sides. I probably would have hit somebody across the face if I hadn't had arm fulls of books and binders. I really didn't feel like having to pick up loose papers all over the crowded hallways. Plus it was a good method to keep me from hurting anyone. Believe me, if my hands were free, bodies would be on the floor. The looks that people gave me as I walked past stirred anger up in my gut, so flaming hot that I wanted to breathe magma at them like a dragon. And what almost made me try this was when I heard the whispering behind their hands about me. I couldn't help but over hearing snips of their conversations, because really, I was trying to.
"Who does she think she is?"
"What happened to her?"
Nothings happened to me! I shouted in my head. Somethings happened to you! Quite criticizing someone you barely knew. But at this thought, I tucked my chin to my chest and pushed through the crowd, ashamed. I was blaming them for judging a book by its cover when I did the exact thing almost everyday silently to myself as I walked through the halls. I could hear my own rude comments echoing through my head as I looked up at the faces around me.
She's too tall. Why does he dress like that? Whats wrong with her face? What a geek...
I silently whimpered to myself as I pushed through the crowd around a corner to the hall where my locker was located. I was a bad person. I finally realized this. I kept my eyes down, staring at the worn tile floors zooming beneath a short legs that worked hard to keep a good pace. I felt all the negative things I had thought about people suddenly turning on myself. I felt my mind beating itself in. What makes you think you're so special? What if you weren't popular? What would you do then? You're too stupid to be able to pass a class without help from the people around you. You're nothing. Just a pretty face that you were lucky enough to be born with. You don't even deserve that! Scum!"
I was about to make myself cry. I took in the truths that my mind spat at me and felt the tears building in my eyes. But my thoughts were cut off when I rammed into something. I looked up to see a friendly face smiling down at me.
"Sorry!" An old friend of mine said with a grin down at me. It was a boy in my grade named Thomas. We were friends throughout middle school, but when high school hit, he took the science geek route while I- well, I took a much worse path. "Oh," His grin faded quickly when he saw my reddened face, "It's okay, Ember. I know what you're going through,"
I looked up into his deep brown eyes with confusion, listening to the echoed taunts of my thoughts as I considered him. "How?" I asked. Could he read my mind or something?
"You're not the only one who's had rumors spread about you," He replied.
"Rumors...?" I asked, my hope plummeting. I was quite sure I knew what was coming.
"Yes... have you not heard?" I shook my head at his words. "It was all over the internet... Sorry. I thought you knew."
"What happened?" I said quietly.
"Listen, I wouldn't worry about it, but... The grade twelve boy, Phillip Browns... He was saying some rather nasty things..."
"What did he say?"
"Ember, he's an idiot."
"What did he say?" I demanded firmly.
"That he slept with you..." Thomas spat out reluctantly.
Time stood still for a brief moment. Whatever control I had all of my emotions disappeared like all my happiness, will to live. "But..." I squeaked quietly, a tear rolling down my cheek, "But...-"
Thomas finished my sentence. "-Not true. I know," He pulled me into a hug. I was grateful because I didn't think that I could stand when I was blown with this news. I leaned against him when he embraced me.
"Everyone knows what an idiot he is, Ember. No on will believe him," Thomas spoke reassuringly into my ear. I didn't speak. I knew that this wasn't true. I knew that this was the reason that people were whispering about me. This is the reason they too would be calling me a slut behind my back.
I had a reason to storm home again, and I took it, this time taking a better route.I didn't tell anyone the reason though. I didn't want to talk to anyone in general. I wanted to be alone, to be ignore. To be more simple, I just didn't want to exist.
I slumped down on my bed again, without caring. I closed my eyes and listened to all the negative things I had to say to myself as I slipped away into the strangest of dreams.
I suddenly found myself appearing somewhere dark. No. It wasn't dark. I spotted a huge fiery ball in the distance, then I spotted what was reflecting its light. A huge blue ball, half in the light, half dark. It took me a moment to realize that I was floating high above the earth. How strange.
Without thinking of it too much, I began to wander, float actually, around the space around me, looking for distant surroundings. Yes, everything was quite distant. Though I spotted the moon, only a sliver of light from my perspective, all I could see were stars. Perhaps the brightest ones were other orbiting planets.
But there was one more close object. By close, I mean that I could make out its features. And I could. This object was nothing like I had ever imagined to be in space. It wasn't a planet, not a moon, not a star... I drifted towards it to get a better look. The closer I got, the more of it I could piece together. Finally, I saw what it was. A person. It was a boy, curled up as he floated around in space with me. I gasped at the sight. Before I woke up, I saw his head lift up and look at me.