Why am I here? It’s the question that bothers me the most. Also one which I’m sure has totally baffled many others such as myself. Innocent beings cruelly driven by the force of such a question. Is this even a question to be concerned about? Some may never find their meaning, wondering hopelessly through a lonely life. Tragically coming to an end in their council flat, dreaming of what could have been. Luckily, my story didn’t end up that sad, but I had a tough giving all the same. Whether I’ve ‘found’ my goals in life or not…I don’t know.
My first memory was, well you don’t want to know. Many scientists believe that a young being is not yet ‘a human’ when first born, but I am the the living outlier, living proof that to some extent, I had some sort of sensual awareness of the happenings. Because, I have a blurred vision from the first time my ‘non-human’ self was brought happily into the world. Turns out, I would from that moment on, collect many more memories and visual dreams which I still store to this day. And I’m going to tell you my inner fears, deepest secrets and horrific experiences that I myself have nightmares about. Why now? Many people have asked me when i brought up about my writings of this book. The simplest answer which I usually embarrass the person asking me the question with is; Cancer. That usually makes people back off from the subject. Though I act so casual about my having of this dreadful disease, inside I fear it. I constantly feel the throb of a horrific being lurking in my temples, driving me slowly insane. But actually death itself does not move me. I do not believe that there is a heaven, a sea of angels floating dreamless in the sky, a palace of perfect innocence, where not a tear of sorrow is shed. I am not afraid of death because I’m proud of the life I’ve had and even though I lived through tough times, I have a family. Two kids and 5 grandchildren. To finish my opening ‘speech’ , I would like to dedicate this book to my 5 grandchildren, Louisa, Mollie, Luna, Jacob and Harry, for making my life complete.