Some people ask, "How do you feel?" Well, I'm not sure. I look at myself and see nothing, nothing but a confused state of mind, and a bitterness so sweet it burns. She is like a bed of roses, a daisy in a field, a majestic animal grazing through the flustering forest. I'm a hopeless array of tragic past, I'm dying inside, eternally depressed, and I'm not sure how long I'll last without her loving touch.
I've met so many girls in the past, they discriminate me for my unwavering ferocity, and my love for them went too far and I...they broke up with me. It really hurts, it does, to be cheated on, and then be blamed for the dismantled relationship.
I'm not showy about my depression, and I'm definitely not going to be. I'll always put on the biggest smile for my friends, but it is evident, that only one person can make me smile in this world. Lily. Lily, oh how strong my feelings lush out for her, she is a goddess of kindness, and innocence couldn't be more innocent. She knows my feelings well, and I know hers, we are very open about our feelings...the only real problem is him.
Markus, the epitome, embodiment, the bane of my life. Lily, has feelings for him too, but it goes much deeper than just feelings, and it would be improper for her to flat out deny him.
If we were put on a ray, Markus and I would fall on the ends, and she would be the bisector, the heart of the dispute.
I thought about all of these things constantly, as I drove Lily home to her parents. The fog amplified the darkness, as I switched over to high-beam. The yellow line disappearing from my vision, as I maintained the wheel in a steady position on the road, occasionally checking my mirrors.
"Lily, I don't want to pressure you into anything when I say this, but, if me seeing you is making it harder on you, we can stop seeing each other like this. I'm even okay with you dating Markus, it'll hurt, but I want what you want." I said.
She sighed, shuffling in her seat, "Cam, that is not what I want. I'm so confused in who I should be with, and most guys would have left me after knowing this, and you are different, you care." She said, with her eyes staring me down.
"I would never leave you, no matter what, if that means I'm only a friend, so be it. I won't spend a second without knowing my little flower is okay."
She put her hand on my lap, "You know I want more than friends, but my heart might as well be two in one, as Markus has it too."
Chills went up my spine when she said that, I'm not sure if it was her bringing up Markus, or the fact that her hand was a little too close for comfort. Too close, yes, too close.
"Well, I'm bittersweet to hear that, but I understand, I'll give you time." I said.
I pulled into her driveway and put the car into park. I could hear the rattle of the engine, as it emitted the only sound besides the occasional cricket.
"Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow Lily." I said.
"Yeah, you will." She smiled, and reached over the panel to hug me.
The hug was heavenly, as it felt as if it should have never ended. Her warm vibrant touch, scraped against me, feeding life into my suffering soul. She emanated such glistering happiness.
We stopped hugging, as she pulled away from me, her hair dropping off from my shoulder. She looked into my eyes for a good thirty seconds before exiting, and shutting the door behind her.
I remained parked as she made her way to the door, she looked back once at me and smiled, before drifting off into the house.
I pulled out of her driveway, and started driving down the road. The yellow line disappearing, once again, in the darkness.
I found myself applying the brakes lightly, until I came to a complete stop in the road. I rested my head against the black steering wheel.
"Cam, you can't keep going like this with her, it hurts too much. You know it does." I said, talking to myself in a bitterness so sweet, as I thought of my bed of roses, the Lily in the valley.