5. Dear Crush #3
Dear Crush ,
Not to long ago I finally got the courage to confess to you. I told you straight up that I liked you. You didn't believe me at first. Of course you thought it was a joke. That my feelings for you was a joke. I got mad and asked you how you could be so stupid and oblivious. Then you believed me and you rejected me. Told me right away that you don't like me and that I know who you liked. We both agreed to be just friends but I didn't want to be Just Friends..... but...
Its always going to be her isnt it?
Why? Why can't I be happy? Why does she get to spend every night talking to you? Why does she get to see your smile that lights up MY day.
Today I ignored you for the first two periods. After a while you asked me online if I was okay. I smiled and replied back "yeah. im good." But inside I was screaming for you to see my pain. The anguish and torture of having to see you be with her. I ignored you again during earth science and you asked me AGAIN, if I was okay. This time you were sitting one chair away from me. I looked up at you and smiled. I replied back "Im fine." Of course I wasn't, but you bought the lie.
The day went on and on , while the rain and cloudy skies added to the sadness of the day. Kathy told me to try to act normal around you. Make it though nothing really changed. But that's kinda hard when every time I look at you , I think of her, and I get fucking pissed. Life isnt fair. None of it is fair.
You texted me when I got home asking if I was okay one last time, which I replied with " Im good. How about you?"
I want to say goodnight to you. But I feel as though you are annoyed by me. As if I keep bothering you and pestering you cause you want to talk to her. So I won't. I'll just ponder about how life would be like without her in our lives and as I cry myself to sleep.