‘Am I still not good enough? Am I still not worth that much?’ Good Enough by, Little Mix
It’s early in the morning and Harry and I just arrived at my house to get my stuff for school. The driveway is empty and the garage is closed so I’m guessing my mom has gone to work and my uncle has gone god knows where. But who knows? His car could be in the garage and he is in the house waiting for me to come inside so he can kill me since I told on him last night. Just thinking about that is making me scared to go inside. No scratch that out. I’m not scared. I’m terrified. Even though I have Harry with me I’m still terrified to go inside my house. I continue to stare at my closed garage as I take a few deep breaths trying to calm myself down but it’s not working.
Every day I’ve been terrified to go into my house because of my uncle but not like I am today. I told on my uncle when he specifically told me that he’d kill me if I do but I couldn’t help it. I’ve been hiding it for months and I was tired of suffering and going through the pain -Not just the physical pain, I was tired of the mental pain as well. - so I had to tell someone. I feel Harry slowly slipping his hand into mine and I turn my head to look at him nervously. I’m glad he’s here with me because if he weren’t I don’t think I would be able to get out of the car.
“Ready to go in?” he asked.
“Y-Yeah,” I replied.
He nods and gently squeezes my hand.
“Everything is going to be okay. I’m going to go in with you,” he said comfortingly.
“But what if-“
“Nothing is going to happen. I promise,” he exclaimed. “Okay?”
“Okay,” I mumbled.
“Good,” he said.
He kisses the back of my hand gently and then we get out of the car. I can feel my heart beginning to pound in my chest and my stomach beginning to churn. Harry takes my hand again and we walk up to the front door of my house. With my hand still in Harry’s, I slowly turn the doorknob and my heart accelerates even more when I see that it’s unlocked. That means my uncle may be home still.
“I’m going to go in first. I’ll let you know if it’s safe,” Harry said.
I nod and he lets go of my hand. He slowly turns the knob and opens the door, peaking his head inside before stepping in.
“Hello?” he said.
I watch as he looks around the front hallway and then turns his head to look at me.
“Every thing is okay. Come on,” he said.
I can hear my heart to pound in my ears as I slowly step inside my house. I look around just like Harry did and I begin to calm down once I realize that no one is home. I sigh with relief and then Harry and I begin to go upstairs to get my stuff. I grab my backpack on that is sitting on my desk chair and then we start walking downstairs.
“Wait,” I said and go back up the stairs.
“What is it?” Harry asked as he follows me back up.
“I have to make sure he’s really gone,” I replied as we walk to my uncle’s bedroom.
I’ve only been in there once to look for my TV remote since he stole it from my room when his wasn’t working thankfully he wasn’t home when I went in there but I still have to be careful going in. His door is closed so I don’t know if he’s in there hiding. I knock on the door and wait a few minutes. No response. Slowly, I open the door and peek my head in, noticing that his room is empty. His bed is made and the TV remote is no longer on his nightstand, it’s on top of the TV. I check his drawers and I sigh with relief when I see that they’re all empty.
“He’s gone,” I said to Harry.
“Good,” he said and gives me a hug. “Now lets get out of here before we’re late for school,”
I nod and we go back downstairs. When we get outside, I lock my front door and I follow Harry to his car. Thank god my uncle is gone and out of my house. I’m not officially safe but I’m still relieved that he’s gone. I hope my mom figures something soon so I can move back home and I don’t have to worry about my uncle not hurting me. Once we finally got to school, we get out and start making our way inside.
“Shit! I forgot my coat at home! Now I'm going to freeze,” I groaned.
“Alaina, Alaina. What am I going to do with you?" he joked.
I playfully roll my eyes and put my arm around him.
“I get it, I'm forgetful," I laughed. "Come on let's go,"
He laughs and we go inside where it’s nice and warm like always. We walk down the hallway so I can some stuff from my locker before going to class. Usually I’m not in a good mood at school but today I am. I guess it’s because I told people what’s been going on with me and I’m free from my uncle…. for now. Until he leaves me alone for good, that’s when I’ll officially feel safe.
“Harry! Alaina! Wait up!” went a voice.
We turn around and we find Bailey and Lauren come running over to us.
“Hey guys!” I smiled.
“How was your snow day yesterday?” Lauren asked.
“It was fine. Harry and I hung out like usual,” I said.
“Bailey and I were with Becky and we hung out with Kendall at her house. She’s really cool,”
I feel my blood begin to boil after she said that. I know my friends are allowed to be friendly with others but I don’t like how they’re being friendly with Kendall. I may not know her well but I don’t like her at all. No not because she’s pretty and she flirts with Harry it’s because she doesn’t seem to be a nice person and she’s looks fake. Like her face looks like it got tons of plastic surgery, she cakes her face with make up and dresses trashy, and her butt and boobs look like they got implants.
And another reason why I don’t like her is because she doesn’t like me. She’s never said anything to me but I can just tell that she hates me. Every time I talk whenever she sits with us she would roll her eyes or give me disgusted looks. I don’t know what her deal is with me. I never said anything to her but she still hates me. Usually all the pretty, popular girls are nice to me but not her.
“Oh really? That’s cool,” I said, pretending to be interested.
“I know! Did you know that she’s rich as hell?” Bailey asked.
“No I had no idea,” I said.
“Her house is HUGE! Her mom is an attorney so that’s where she gets most of her money from and since her first husband was a very successful attorney also she got a lot of his money as well after he died even though they were divorced,” she explained some more.
I sigh as I continue to listen to them ramble more about Kendall. They just don't understand that I don’t give a shit about this girl. Just to make them happy, I keep listening pretending to be interested. Lauren said that Kendall has 1 sister named Kylie that goes to Holy Eucharist Catholic School for Girls, one of the hardest schools in the state to get into, since she has 4.0 GPA, has a movie theatre and a swimming pool in her house with a Jacuzzi, has a limo, and all the rooms except for the kitchen and bathrooms have plasma screen TV’s.
I began to dose off when they started talking about Kendall’s bedroom and her expensive Persian cat named Snowball that she got from the ASPCA. I hope after a few weeks, my friends get tired of this girl and stop hanging out with her. I’m tired of hearing about her and I’m tired of her flirting with my best friend. Every day is Kendall this, Kendall that! It makes my head hurt. I look over at Harry and I can tell that he’s interested in the whole conversation. Of course.
“Hey um, I have to go to my locker. I’ll see you guys later,” I said to Lauren and Bailey just to make them stop talking.
“Okay! Kendall will be joining us at lunch again so it’s going to be fun! Bye!!” Lauren said as she walks up the stairs to her first class.
Great. She’s sitting with us again. Why can’t she sit with the other pretty but trashy girls instead of us?
“Cool. See you later,”
I sigh and Harry and I finally make it to my locker.
“Were you listening to their conversation?” Harry asked me as I put in my locker combination.
“Yeah,” I lied.
He nods, seeming to believe me. I open my locker and begin taking out the books I didn’t need for right now and shut my locker when I was done.
“I’ll see you in 3rd period I guess?” Harry said.
“Yeah I guess so,” I replied.
He gives me a hug and pushes back my beanie to give a quick kiss on my forehead.
“Are you going to be okay?”
“Okay. See you later,” he said and walks off to his first class.
I watch him walk down the hall and my eyes stop right on Kendall. She’s standing at her locker with the school slut and head cheerleader Bianca and her group of trashy friends. I feel my blood begin to boil when she waves with her two fingers at Harry, smiling at him and then turns her head to look at me. She sneers before shutting her locker and walking away with the girls. Bitch!
Like usual, school went by slowly. Lunch finally came but for the first time in forever, Kendall didn’t sit with us. She was sitting with Bianca and her friends. Thank god. But I still had to hear Becky, Lauren, and Bailey talk about her like always. Niall and Harry talk about the new FIFA game that’s coming out soon so I decide to listen to their conversation since I had enough of listening to the girl’s conversation. Ever since Kendall came here, that’s all they’ve been talking about. Before she came here, all we talked about was girl stuff mostly.
Now we barely talk but when we do, it’s always about “precious” Kendall. I don’t understand why they’re so obsessed with her. They act like she’s their queen and they’re her slaves. One day they’re going to get tired of her and stop hanging out with her. I just know it. When she starts hanging out with the trashy girls more, they’ll probably leave her alone for good. I hope they do. When lunch ended, I throw out my trash and begin walking out with the boys but Becky catches up to me.
“Hey,” she said.
“Hi,” I said.
“Have you been okay lately?” she asked.
“I don’t know. It’s just that ever since Kendall came here, you’ve been quiet and been barely saying a word. What’s up?”
Here we go again. Every conversation is about her.
“Oh, I’m fine. There’s just something going on at home and I don’t really want to talk about it,” I said.
“Harry told me what happened and I’m here for you. All of us are. I have an idea, why don’t we have a girls night on Friday?”
“Just you, me, Bailey and Lauren right?” I asked.
“Yeah and Kendall too!” she said.
“Um…can she not hang out with us?”
“Why? She’s really cool you just have to get to know her,” she said.
I sigh. I really want to hang out with my friends but I don’t want Kendall to be there because I know they’re only going to pay attention to her and ignore me the whole time.
“I’ll think about it,” I said.
“Good. And I also saw Harry give her a few glares when she was sitting with Bianca and her trashy group of friends. I think he really likes her. Every time we mention her he’s always listening and whenever she’s with us his eyes are glued on her,” she said.
“I don’t think it’s anything serious. He’ll probably like her for a little while and then get over her,” I said.
“I don’t know. Not the way I see it. I don’t he likes her, I think he’s in love with her,” Becky smirked.
I feel like I got kicked in the stomach after she said that. No, that’s impossible. He can’t be in love with her. I can tell that he likes her but I don’t think he has feelings deep down for her. He hasn’t really talked about her much when he’s around me and hasn’t been hanging out with her, not that I know of though. But who knows? What if he’s really in love with her? Nah, what am I thinking? He’s not in love with her. Becky is just overthinking things like always.
“You okay?” Becky asked.
“Yeah,” I lied.
“You’re jealous of Kendall aren’t you?” she said.
“No. What makes you say that?”
“Come on, Alaina. It’s obvious. You never want her around us, you always roll your eyes and dose off whenever we talk about her, and I always see you give her disgusted looks whenever she’s flirting with Harry,”
“I’m not jealous of her,” I snapped.
“Okay chill,” she exclaimed putting her hands up in defense.
“Sorry,” I sighed.
“It’s okay. But really, there’s no need to be jealous of her. Maybe if you hang out with us on Friday you’ll get to know her and you’ll change your mind about her,”
I think for a moment. Becky is right. Maybe if I get to know Kendall we probably wouldn’t hate each other anymore. I’m being jealous over nothing.
“Okay, fine. But if she gives me a hard time, I’m leaving,” I said.
“Yay!” she cheered and gives me a hug. “And don’t worry, she won’t give you a hard time. I’ll talk to Kendall later. Okay?”
“Good. Well, I’ll see you later then,” she said.
“Yeah definitely,” I agreed.
We say goodbye and go separate ways so we can go to our next classes. I really hope our hang out with Kendall goes well and nothing bad goes wrong. After the rest of my other classes go by, it’s finally last period. I walk into my Biology class and I imagine Harry sitting at our lab table waiting for me but when I got there, he wasn’t. I looked around the room and I find him sitting next to Kendall at her lab table. Like usual, she’s flirting with him and touching his hair while he sits there smiling.
Usually whenever the trashy girls try to turn him on he gets kind of uncomfortable but when Kendall does it. He’s not that kind of boy that flirts and sleeps around with other girls like most boys in our school do so I don’t know why he’s acting different around Kendall. I feel jealously start to sweep over me once again but I manage to calm myself down and wait for Harry to finish flirting with Miss Kendall Jenner. Just as the second bell rung, he finally gets up from her table and comes over to mine.
“Hiiiii!” he smiled as he sits down next me.
“Hi!” I smiled back.
“Are you staying at my house tonight?” he asked.
“I don’t know. Maybe. I’ll have to talk with my mom and see,”
He nods and then our teacher, Mr. Baker comes in and begins the session. After taking attendance, he tells us what we need to do and then we get started.
“This is so boring,” Harry mumbled to me.
“I don’t think so,” I said.
“You don’t find genetics and DNA boring?” he asked me.
“No. I find it quite interesting,” I replied.
He laughs and shakes his head.
“Alaina you’re too much,”
“I know,” I smiled proudly.
After we finished our work, we all hand our papers to Mr. Baker. While he grades them we have free time for the rest of class. I was surprised Harry didn’t get up and leave me alone so he could talk to Kendall. He stayed here with me like a normal best friend would do.
“Want to watch YouTube videos? I found a few funny ones in study hall today,” he asked.
“Sure. Let me just text my mom first,” I said.
I grab my phone out of my pocket but I find that my mom has already texted me which was a few minutes ago.
Do you want to come home tonight? Someone is coming over to change the locks on our doors so we’ll be okay.
I look over at Harry and back at my mom’s message. I want to go home but I still don’t feel safe even though we’re getting our locks changed and I don’t want to leave Harry. I love being with him and I know he likes it when I’m with him too but I think I should give him some space for a while and be with my mom.
“Everything okay?” Harry asked.
“Yeah. My mom asked if I wanted to come home tonight. You think I should?”
“It’s up to you,” he shrugged.
“Well she said we’re getting our locks on our doors changed but I don’t know if I should,”
“You can stay at my house again if you want. My mum said you could stay over as long as you need to, remember?”
“Yeah but I feel like I need to give you space,” I said.
“Alaina. Don’t ever feel like that. If I didn’t like you invading my space I wouldn’t be your best friend now would I?”
“Yeah I guess you’re right. Sorry,” I said, laughing a little.
“It’s okay. So, you’re spending the night again?”
“I guess I’ll let my mom know later,”
He nods and then the bell rings, meaning it’s finally time to go home. Harry and I get up from our tables and walk out of the room. We stop by our lockers and then we go outside to the car. Thankfully we don’t have a lot of homework tonight. Usually we do but I guess tonight is our lucky day. When we got to his house we go inside and go upstairs to his room and decide to do our homework just to get it out of the way.
“We have a vocab test in English on Friday. I think we should study for that,” I suggested.
“Ugh! I hate vocab,” Harry whined while lying back on his bed.
“Since when?” I giggled.
“Since always,” he mumbled.
I giggle and lay down on top of him. He’s so adorable when he whines and pouts. I usually hate when people whine but for some reason I love it when Harry does it.
“Come on, don’t be pouty,” I smirked.
“Alright fine,” he sighed and gives me a quick kiss on the lips.
“Can we study like this?” I asked.
“No get off of me,” he teased.
“Okay Mr. Grouchy Pants,” I teased back and get off of him.
I get out my flash cards and sit up against the wall as he sits up against his headboard.
“Okay. What’s the definition and parts of speech for the word “malice”?” I asked.
“Erm…definition is to cause harm to another person and the part of speech is a noun,” he answered.
“Good. What about “pessimism”?”
“Pessimism…” he said and thinks for a moment. “Erm…I don’t know. Can you give me a hint?”
“No,” I laughed.
He thinks for a little bit longer and then shakes his head.
“I don’t know. Why do they bother teaching us vocabulary? That’s what dictionaries are for,”
I giggle and shake my head. He’s so weird. But my smile quickly turned upside down when I hear his phone vibrate beside him. My heart stops when I saw that Kendall texted him. Again, I begin to feel jealous again. Ever since she moved here she hasn’t left him alone. If you ask me, she needs to find another guy to flirt with. I lie back on Harry’s bed and try to pay attention to his poster of Cristiano Ronaldo on his wall but it’s not working. Usually that’s never hard for me to do except for today.
Every time his phone vibrated and he would laugh at every thing Kendall said. I begin to not only jealous, but sad. My heart would keep sinking lower into my stomach as I try to hold back the tears in my eyes. This sucks. He’s paying attention to her instead of his best friend. My god. This can’t be happening. I feel like I’m losing my best friend. I can’t imagine my life without Harry. We’ve been by each other’s side before we were even able to crawl and he’s helped me through so much in my life. I can’t lose him over some girl. Maybe I should have gone home after school instead of dealing with this. What am I going to do?