Somber Soliloquy

A soliloquy is when an actor turns to the audience of a play and speaks his mind to them as to show his real time thought process and self reflection. This is just that in the play of my life.

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1. Somber Soliloquy

Somber Soliloquy

 

Effortlessly born and raised, I stumbled into crazy days

Fat and lonely, on my own — even when I’m not alone

I never learned to love myself; I put my dreams upon the shelf

Still laughing, joking, hiding wounds, to loneliness I grew attuned

 

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t me, would I be better off; maybe. Probably. Certainly

Living life dishonestly: “Yes I’m fine, mum”, “I’m alright, mum”,

“I’d tell you if I wasn’t happy”.

 

Would I endure another fall? I soak my brain in alcohol

Will I soon have my curtain call? Would they take my picture off the wall?

To an empty room I’ll bow, just please don’t look at me right now

I’m pathetic, yes I know; I can see myself from the front row

 

Life is like a game of chess, the figures form a frantic mess

I strain my soul, try not to stress, but nonetheless I must confess

I’m scared of what will be my fate, to die alone, forgotten — checkmate

I was never suicidal yet I’m just sat here idle, as I watch myself deteriorate

 

I think I need to clear my head, so I light up a cigarette

From my mangled mind I’ve fled

A house of tears, the home of fears, these 19 years

I’ve spent existing, barely resisting, succumbing to my crazy ideas

 

Although I sleep my life away, these nightmares are all real

But this is not a cry for help; it’s merely how I feel

I don’t believe in God, ‘cause he don’t believe in me

But I vow to try and love myself and to live happily.

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