Effortlessly born and raised, I stumbled into crazy days
Fat and lonely, on my own — even when I’m not alone
I never learned to love myself; I put my dreams upon the shelf
Still laughing, joking, hiding wounds, to loneliness I grew attuned
Sometimes I wish I wasn’t me, would I be better off; maybe. Probably. Certainly
Living life dishonestly: “Yes I’m fine, mum”, “I’m alright, mum”,
“I’d tell you if I wasn’t happy”.
Would I endure another fall? I soak my brain in alcohol
Will I soon have my curtain call? Would they take my picture off the wall?
To an empty room I’ll bow, just please don’t look at me right now
I’m pathetic, yes I know; I can see myself from the front row
Life is like a game of chess, the figures form a frantic mess
I strain my soul, try not to stress, but nonetheless I must confess
I’m scared of what will be my fate, to die alone, forgotten — checkmate
I was never suicidal yet I’m just sat here idle, as I watch myself deteriorate
I think I need to clear my head, so I light up a cigarette
From my mangled mind I’ve fled
A house of tears, the home of fears, these 19 years
I’ve spent existing, barely resisting, succumbing to my crazy ideas
Although I sleep my life away, these nightmares are all real
But this is not a cry for help; it’s merely how I feel
I don’t believe in God, ‘cause he don’t believe in me
But I vow to try and love myself and to live happily.