Goodbye Internet.

He was always there for me, good and bad. He's always been by side. He was my best friend. We would do everything together, we were inseparable. This isn't fair, this shouldn't have ever happened. I never even got to say goodbye...

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1. goodbye internet.

 

"Phillll, make me some cereal please." I yelled back to my boyfriend.

I heard him yell back an 'ok' from the lounge. I went back to editing my newest Danisnotonfire video. A couple minutes later, Phil walked into my room with two bowls of Lucky Charms. 

"How's the editing going, Danny?" Phil asked me

"This is a complete flop, oh thanks for the cereal." I kissed him.

"No problem. I need to go out today remember? Are you sure you don't want to come with me and PJ to the party?" Phil asked me with puppy dog eyes. As much as I wanted to go, I couldn't because I procrastinated immensely for the past two months.
"I wish I could but the fans are up my ass with this new video, tweeting me about the next dinof video." he nodded and watched me edit till he needed to go change.

A couple of hours have passed now, Phil was on the floor with his entire wardrobe scattered around his entire room.

"Help!" Phil held out his hand for me to lift him up from the floor.

"You living flop. Did you have a fight against your closet?" I laughed as I helped Phil pick up his clothes.

"maybe.. Can you help me find an outfit? Peej will be here any minute!" I shook my head whilst laughed but still helped Phil,  who was panicking. I found his weird white Illuminati shirt and a green jacket. 

"Here, wear this." I handed it to him while looking for his shoes.

"Thanks Daniel."
"Phiiilll, you know I don't like that name!" I groaned jokingly. 

Right as Phil finished lacing his last shoe, the doorbell rang, signaling Peej's arrival.

As we walked to the door, Phil asked me once again if I was sure I didn't want to come. 

"Yeah I'm sure. Have fun Phil" I reassured him with a smile. He smiled back and went off.

That was last time I saw him. Phil was always there for me, good and bad. He's always been by side. He was my best friend. We would do everything together, we were inseparable. This isn't fair, this shouldn't have ever happened. I never even got to say goodbye. I got a call from a frantic Peej saying that around roughly 1 am, Phil and him were mugged. Phil was shot as he attempted to distract the men whilst PJ escaped. Even in times of danger, Phil only thought about the safety of others. This shouldn't have happened. Maybe if I went with him. If only. 

It's been 3 days without Phil. I wish he was here. Sometimes as I wake up I'll yell out for Phil to bring me breakfast but then I remember that I'm all alone in this flat, this cold and lonely flat. Nothing is the same. I can't eat, I can't think, and I can only sleep once my body can no longer take it. Sometimes I still see Phil on his laptop or drinking coffee in the lounge but then as I go and blink, he's gone. Phil Lester is gone and I can't do anything about it. 

It has now been an entire week and Phil is to be buried today. Everyone is worried about me but they can't make this feeling go away. Phil is gone. I slowly leave my bed to get dressed for Phil's funeral. The fans don't know about Phil yet. I don't know how I'm going to tell them. 

It feels like an eternity to get dressed but once I'm done, I wipe the tears and head to the cemetery.

Phil's family is here and some of his closest friends. 

Half way through the ceremony, Phil's mum asks me if I'm alright. I didn't notice that I've been crying. I say I'm fine but how could I be fine? 

The ceremony is now nearly over, everyone is now heading home. I stay after everyone leaves. 

I walk over and sit down next to Phil's headstone. 

"H-hey Phil" I feel a lump in my throat.

"I"m so sorry, I wish I was with you. I never got to tell you goodbye. I'm so sorry" I sat there sobbing for hours until Martyn came to get me. 

"Dan, I know." was all Martyn told me before he dropped me off at the flat. 

I don't know what got over me but I decided I didn't want to live without Phil. I ran into the bathroom, found what I needed then grabbed my camera, laptop, and a single blue rose. I ran all the way to the cemetery and turned on the camera and plugged it up to my laptop. 

" Hey guys, as you may know P-Phil and I haven't been active for while. And I am so sorry to inform all of you but Phil, well you see, " I choked back the tears " Phil, he's in a better place now" I crouched down to show them Phil's headstone. "I'm sorry guys but I can't live without Phil and for all you all wondering, yes phan was always real. The love of my life was shot so a friend of ours could live, Phil Lester was truly amazing and I have always admired that about him." I placed the camera on the floor, still showing everything I was doing. 

"Phil, thank you for being the most amazing person in this entire world, you have always been by my side and now it's my turn to be by yours, This video is unedited and by the time it is posted, I will be at peace"I turned to Phil and placed a single blue rose on his headstone "I love you, Phil, I will be with you every soon. This has been the most fun I've ever had." I took out the pills from my pocket and swallowed every single one of them.

"Goodbye Internet." 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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