Behind Her Smile

The relationship was going great... I don't know what happened, but I know it's my fault, my fault that I am the way I am.


1. Behind Her Smile

 Behind her smile, there is a broken heart, behind  her smile, there is a girl wishing for a  miracle.

 She lays in her bed, wide awake, but tired. Her mother walks in and asks her if she's okay. She nods with a fake smile, and behind her smile are hundreds of tears waiting to be shed, waiting impatiently for their owner to break. 

 Many things can cause heart break, trauma, and misery, but the worst things are when it's your own self, something about you that cannot change.

 "You're the best girlfriend I've ever had. I love you." He says softly, warming her heart as he leans in for a gentle kiss.

 "I love you too." She says back with a smile. Behind her smile is hope for the future, a future with him, a future with this boy who she thinks is absolutely perfect in every way, a boy whose presence alone can bring her joy. 

 Well... until this happens....

 "I think we should see other people."

 "Why?" She asks heart  brokenly. Tears build in her eyes as the boy speaks on.

 "You're not girlie enough. But you'll find a guy who will appreciate you for who you are." He says and leaves, leaving the girl with the broken smile, the broken heart.

 Behind her smile  are no more hopes, no more dreams, just emptiness and fear. Her pillow is soaked in blood and tears, her wrists bandaged, thighs and hips sore, and her head spinning and stomach queazy. She hasn't eaten in two days, hasn't slept in fear of nightmares, and is highly dehydrated. All she wants to do is die while the boy she loves moves on happily with his life. He doesn't know the truth behind her lies,behind her smile.

 The next day at school the girl isn't with the group, but the boy hardly thinks anything of it, concluding she is just ignoring him and that she's off enjoying her time with her friends, but in truth, she is hiding in the bathroom, crying miserably, unable to get him off of er mind, unable to move on. 

 How do you change something that's apart of who you are? How do you change to be better, to be more girly, after growing up with the boys, being one of the boys. Playing sports, belching louder than all of them, being physically stronger than them until puberty hits them and then they skyrocket above you. How do you change what you're like? Or maybe even, how do you move on? How do you accept that you're not good enough for the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, but also accept that they have already moved on? How do you accept that?

 Behind her smile is an emotional, depressed girl with no desire to live, as she watches the love of her life move on, while all she can think about is what she loves behind his smile.

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