Everything went on perfectly. I really connected with this guy and he really understood me. I learned that he was the same age as me and that we lived in the same country. Which I thought was comforting and it, in some weird way, made me smile. We had talked for about an hour and my crying had stopped. He made it stop. He was so sweet and charming and it sounded like he meant everything he said.
"Have you ever thought about it through their view?" He asked me. I had my sketchpad in my knee and without really thinking about it I found myself trying to paint his portrait. Trying to figure out what he looked like based on his voice. The hair was honey blond, the eyes was blue. Clear blue, blue like the clearest ocean you could ever imagine. I painted his facial features with sharp lines. He sounded like someone with a unique and strong face, if that made any sense. His lips where soft and full and his nose was straight. Just like his hair which reached down to his earlobes. He was beautiful.
"Their view? What do you mean?" My voice sounded a little bit more irritated that I wanted it to. Was he on their side?
"Yeah, I mean. Maybe this guy is going through something? Maybe he's insecure?" He said.
"Believe me, he's not insecure" I told him and laid down. I examined the photo in my hands. Handsome.
"Sometimes people do things they don't want to do because they're insecure. There's also those who fall for peer pressure you know. Those people can be real dicks, they lack all sort of self respect" he said. I gave away a little laugh.
"He has to much confidence for his own good. His ego is bigger then his house" I could hear him laugh on the other side of the line.
"You make me laugh, I really needed to laugh after today" a sigh left his lips.
"Sorry, I'm just talking about myself. Did you have a bad day?" I asked him.
"Yeah. I just, I have this role I have to fill at school. People expect me to do certain things. Things I don't want to do" he told me and I could hear the struggle in his voice.
"What kind of stuff? What did you do?"
"Just things that I'm not proud of and I just, I don't want to do it anymore. It's not who I am and I don't want people to think that it is who I am" he said.
"Well I can't picture you being anything other than a gentlemen" I told him and traced my fingers along his fake jaw.
"That's the side I want you to see. I want you to know me like this. Like me. Thank you for letting me be me" he said and I could hear the sincere tone in his voice.
"Of course, thank you for letting me be me" I told him and a big smile took place on my lips. He sighed loudly.
"You know, this isn't going to work. At some point I'm going to have to meet you. I'm going to have to have you in my life, as a real person" the smile on my lips grew bigger.
"I am a real person" I laughed but stopped quickly. Suddenly I got sad. He wanted to meet loser Ashley. The one everyone hated and thought was so ugly they beat the crap out of her for it. I suddenly covered my bruises thinking he could see them.
"You don't want to meet me. I'm not pretty" I felt the tears in my throat.
"I don't believe that. Don't let those guys get to you. They're jerks" he said and we talked for about another hour before we hang up.
I woke up with anxiety, just like every other morning. Why? Why did I have to go to that school? I just wanted to stay at home and talk to Melody. She was so awesome and perfect. I had talked to plenty of girls and had plenty of girlfriends but I never really felt anything. With Melody I did feel something, she touched something inside of me and I didn't even know who she was or what her real name was. I sighed loudly and pressed a pillow over my head.
"Why?!" I screamed in to it. Someone knocked on my door and before I could answer the door opened.
"What is it Justin?" My mom asked with a stressed and annoyed voice. I looked up at her, there she stood putting on her earrings.
"Why do you always just walk in? I could be dressing myself. Don't knock if you where planing on coming in without my answer anyways" I said.
"Get your lazy ass out off the bed Justin!" Her voice louder than before and I sat up rubbing my eyes.
"You'll have to eat alone today because I'm working late" she said and leaned against the doorframe. An ironic laugh escaped my lips.
"Yeah whatever mom" I said and looked away from her while shaking my head.
"What?" She sounded mad.
"Nothing, it's a good thing you're coming in and yelling at me in the mornings because if you didn't.." I looked down.
"If I didn't what Justin"she said clearly annoyed.
"If you didn't I would never see you. You're never home mom and you never listen to me. I wouldn't remember what you looked like if it wasn't for this moments" I told her.
"Get over yourself. Stop being so selfish Justin. Think about me, what would I have if I didn't had this job?" She asked me and I looked at her. Wow that hurt.
"Me" I said in a low voice. I always felt like a little kid when I talked to my mom. Maybe that's because I was a kid when she started all this with her job. She never gave me a chance to grow up with her. She let me grow up by myself. She never came to any of my school things. When my principal called she just told him to give me detention and stop bothering her with things that wasn't important, tings like, well me.
"Please grow up, I'll see you tomorrow" she closed the door and her footsteps disappeared downstairs. The anger bubbled up in me, I threw my pillow at the door and laid down again. I would stay home today, yep, that's exactly what I was going to do. I grabbed my phone. I texted Melody hoping she would make the anger go away.
*Hey, what are you doing sweetie?* I pressed send and got an answer almost right away.
*I'm sick :( what are you up to? :)*
*Aw, you're sick? :( do you want me to make you some soup? <3* I send it with a smile on my face. The conversations I had with her was so real and sincere, it felt like I had known this girl for years.
*I would love to <3*
*Tell me where you live and I'll drive to you. I can take care of you princess, we can cuddle all day <3* I wrote to her. I really wanted to. I wanted to take care of her if she was sick.
*You have no idea how much I would love that... But no, I can't, sorry*
*One day?* I wrote to her and crossed my fingers.
*One day <3* she answered me and a big smile spread on my lips.
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