A couple of weeks had gone by and I finally felt connected with someone. It had never happened before. Everyone saw me as the ugly girl and they always had. Everything started in kindergarten. I had always been a shy child. I wore braids, I had glasses and braces. And for some reason people thought those things made it okey for them to bully me. I liked how I looked and I especially liked my braids because my mom made them. A couple of days each week she got up and braided my hair and I didn't take them out until the next time she did it. I was proud and I never understood why people would make fun of something I was proud of. I wore that look a long time, just a couple of years ago I decided to change it. I had come to grip with things and I thought that maybe, just maybe, they would stop if I changed. I got contacts so that my brown eyes wasn't covered by glass. I got rid of my braces and cut my chocolate brown hair. After that I never wore my braids again. But no one noticed. Instead they kept going and made it a mission to make my life miserable.
I was standing in front of the mirror. Examined myself. I had a big scar on the backside of my arm, my fingers followed its trace. The other hand was following the twin scar on my neck. I got those when Justin, one of those who bullied me, pushed me in to my open locker because I, according to him, was in the way. As I always was. I hit the edge of the locker so hard that I had to go to the doctor to get stitches. There was other scars dressing my body as well. I looked like a human punching bag. At least I would get some kind of rest now, school had ended. Those days had always freaked me out because the guys always had a special surprise for me and the surprises always got worse. This year I was on my way home, little did I know that they were waiting for me. The bruises of that day had started to faint. I let out a big sigh and laid down on my bed again. As soon as I did my phone bussed.
*Hi, what are you doing today?*
*I want to meet you today*
It took me by surprise. He what? Today? Why?
*It's summer and I love talking to you, imagine us spending the summer together*
The thought made me smile. Hanging out with my one and only friend? Yeah that did sound wonderful. Not that I knew how that felt.
*I would love to spend my summer with you*
*Really?!? Are you serious, you want to meet?*
*Maybe, I don't want you to start hating me*
*Why on earth would I do that?*
*Okey??? You want to???*
*Yeah I want to :)*
I know I should be more insecure about meeting him but he made me feel so safe. I wanted to have him in my life. As a real person. It sounded like a dream. Not just that, every time we talked or he wrote to me, it tingled in my stomach. Like butterflies escaping from my heart. It was a weird but warming feeling.
*Today? You said you didn't do anything and we know that we live in the same city*
I glimpsed at the clock, it was 12:00. Did I want to? If it all went wrong I would loose my only friend. But on the other side. If it went alright I would actually have a friend. A real friend. It sounded to good to be true.
*Okey, why not? Where and when?*
*The mall at 13? <3*
*Awesome, I'll be wearing a black cap a white shirt and black pants*
*I'll find you (:*
Suddenly I panicked, one hour. What should I wear? Should I wear makeup? Of course I should wear makeup. How should I style my hair? Should I style my hair? I found myself running around in my room arguing with myself. How should I talk? How should I walk? How should I breathe? Should I breathe? I stopped in my motion. Of course I should breathe, I had to breathe. Why did I stress about this. I calmed down and got ready. At least I tried.
The clock turned one and I was making my way through the mall. I was wearing a strapless white dress in lace. My hair bounced against my back as my curls was having a life of their own. I felt this enormous happiness and excitement spreading in my body. Based on this few weeks and all my talks with this guy it was safe to say that he was the best friend I had ever had. As I was walking I never stopped looking for a black cap, a white shirt and black pants. After a while I saw them and stopped. I didn't know what to do, he was standing with his back towards me. I was just standing there, watching him. My body felt paralyzed and I could tell he was looking for me too but then he turned around and locked eyes with me. My heart broke in to a million pieces and I could feel my eyes tear up. What? How was that even possible.
"What the hell are you staring at?" Justin asked me. I tried to speak but nothing came out. The chock took its tool on me but he wanted an answer.
"You've got to me kidding me?" I told him and all I wanted to hear was that it was a big mistake. He wasn't the one I had been talking to and the clothing was just a coincidence.
"What do you want?" He asked me and made a big gesture with his arms. I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks.
"Is this a joke? Have you been playing me all the time?" I asked him and my voice failed me. He looked so confused.
"Is what a joke?" He wondered. I looked at my phone and threw it at him. He caught it and looked at the screen and then quickly at me again. Suddenly he walked towards me with quick steps and I put my hands over my head for protection, preparing for a slap. Justin stopped as soon as he saw what I did.
"You think I'm going to hit you?" He asked me and it sounded like he got hurt. I didn't want to move my hands just yet.
"Of course" I said and sobbed.
"I told you I wouldn't" he said back and looked at me.
"What's your name?" He asked me and that question took me by surprise. What's my name? The chock made me drop my hands and I just stared at him.
"What's my name? Really? You've been bullying me for years. You made sure I never got any friends. You've tattooed my body with scars..." I sobbed and tried to calm myself down.
"You made me hate myself and you don't know my name Justin?" I said and lost my voice at the end. Justin took a step closer towards me but I mimicked with taking a step back.
"Don't." I told him and he looked a bit chocked at me.
"I'm sorry" was the only thing he said.
"You're sorry? We've been talking about this! I've told you what they, you've done to me and you told me that they where idiots. You've been comforting me about things you've done!" I yelled. The feelings was so overwhelming. I was mad, hurt, angry, scared, pissed, heartbroken. I couldn't handle it. Justin grabbed my hand.
"I'm sorry" he told me again but I pulled away my hand like his touch burned me.
"Don't you ever speak to me again!" I yelled and turned around. With the tears streaming down my face I started to walk back towards the exit but I didn't make it far before I collapsed on the floor. For a second I could see Justin's face, he looked worried, and then everything went black.
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