1. I Am That Girl
I am that girl.
I am that girl that you will walk by and you'll notice I am alone. You will notice that I don't have a smile on my face or light in my eyes. You will notice I am twiddling my fingers nervously or chewing on my lip. You will notice a beauty about me and an innocence you have never noticed before in anyone else. You'll catch my eyes enough times to make me realize you have been looking at me for a while. You'll wait until I am clumsy; I always am. I will drop something and you will run over and pick it up. As you hand me whatever it was, you will look into my eyes. I will stare deep into your and I will see every color within them. Every golden speck and all of the blue earth that is mixed within them. I will notice the curve of your smile and how white your teeth are. I will notice the tan glow of your skin. You will say hi and tell me your name. You'll be sweet and tell me funny jokes that make me giggle and I will come up with a theory that you seem different than others. You'll ask for my number and I will shyly give it to you. And with that perfect smile on your face, you will tell me you have to get back to work. That night, you will text me with a "hi, beautiful" and instantly put a smile on my face. We will talk about me and a little about you until I can no longer hold my eyes open. Saying goodnight, you will wish me a well sleep. That night, I'll go to sleep with a smile on my face. I will have to tell myself, though, that I would like to take things slow. I will have to tell myself that I just want to be friends and talk for a while. I need to know if I can trust you. Unfortunately, you will be an amazing actor. You will win my love and win my heart. I will care about you like no one else has ever before. I will give you all of my time and effort. And one night, when you feel the time is right, you will slip my shirt over my head, and my pants will quickly end up on the floor. You will whisper to me that you love me and we will be tangled up in your bed. I will leave you that night with a smile on my face and speechless. I will leave thinking you are the one. I will leave fantasizing our life together like a little girl. The next morning, I will wake up to no good morning text. You will tell me you were busy and still are, that you will call me later. But, the call will never come. I will begin to over think things and be left going to sleep with tears staining my face because I think I have done something wrong. After a couple of days with barely any speaking at all, you will want to hang out again. I will be so excited and ready to fix things. I will tell you how sorry I am for anything that I could have possibly done, even though I am a clueless, innocent victim. But the moment you see me, and that smile appears on your face, the first thing you will do is kiss me and attempt to slip your hands into my pants. And then it will hit me. It is all a game. I will realize that you used me for my body. You knew I was vulnerable and everything you promised not to do, you will do it with your own twist. I will realize I am that little, pathetic, loves struck girl I refused to become. I'll push you away and with tears in my eyes, I will yell and demand you to leave me alone. I will demand you delete my number. You'll reply with a sly smirk, "It was never saved." It will break my heart into a million small pieces and I will never be able to heal again. I will push away all of the good guys because I will believe that they are actors, just like you. I will be alone for the rest of my life. Because, I am that girl.