Do you ever feel like you're hollow inside? Like you're empty and there's nothing but complete anxiety surging within you?
Yes, that's exactly how I'm feeling right now.
I'm getting married today. But I feel nothing. I'm supposed to feel those 'butterflies in your stomach' thing but no. Nothing.
Most people would feel happy at their wedding day. Well, not me.
I'm forced to marry someone whom I completely don't love just because our family was indebted to him, Lucas Hyde.
There's nothing more I want to do but to stab myself, just by the sound of his name. I utterly hated him.
Yes, I can't deny the fact that he's really attractive that every girls would come swooning to him but he's so full of himself and it seems like all he cares about is his fucking luxury. There's no way I'm gonna marry a guy like that. All I could feel towards him is disgust and hatred.
All my life, I've always dreamt about getting married to the perfect guy and getting to spend the rest of it with him. But I guess, all those happy endings in fairytales that I've always love as a kid, will remain all fictional to me.
Call me a disrespectful and an ungrateful daughter, but I hate my parents. For once in my life, I never felt like they really see me as their daughter. At least they gave me everything just what a normal parent should do to their children, like dressing me, feeding me but they did it not because they care for me and love me but rather because it's their responsibility.
I've done everything just for the sake of saving my family's reputation but all I am to them is nothing and this is where I end up, getting married to a total douche.
My mother is a fucking social climber. She's always too busy showing off her luxurious things to her friends than being an actual mom to me. My mother doesn't give a crap about me. All she cares about is how to not embarrass herself in front of her high-class friends.
My father on the other side is less worse than my mother. He is much more a parent to me than my mother will ever be. But my dad and I never talk too much because of his work. My dad works his ass 24/7 just to support my mother's lavish lifestyle. And that's why I hated him for not being able to stand up for our family. For letting my mom ruin everything. He's supposed to be the foundation of the family but it seems like he's the first one to crumble down. My evil mother had my dad wrapped around her fingers and he seems to be so blind about it.
Everytime I would try to talk to him about it, about how my mom is wasting all our money, he would tell me to shut up and that it's none of my business anymore.
We've been drowning in debt because of my mother. And know how selfish she is when she made me, her own daughter, a payment.
I protested but she still won in the end.
They ruined everything in my life. They took away everything good left in my pathetic life.
They're the reason why I had lose my only breathing space , my boyfriend, Nicholas.
He's the only person whom I felt loved and cared. Although there are times when I doubted if he really did. If it weren't for my parents, it would be him waiting for me as I walk down the aisle, smiling at all the people around us.
My mother disapproves about Nicholas but I don't care. I love pissing her off to hell everytime she sees me making out with him, which I always purposely do.
But right after when Nicholas found out about the marriage, he left, saying he's moving somewhere to start over again. And that's all. I've never heard of him again since then.
I cried for days and nights after that. He didn't fought for us. Why did he have to be such a coward? I hated him.
Now here I am. Standing in front of the mirror as I stared blankly at my own reflection.
The long, white wedding dress looks nothing special to me and I wanted nothing more than to just rip it off into pieces from my body.
A tear escaped my eyes as I felt hopeless in this whole situation. I hope I could just close my eyes and when I open it everything will turn out better.
I quickly wiped away my tears with my hands when I heard the door opening and then closing.
"You look beautiful, dear", my mother's irritating voice said from my back as she tried to fix my veil.
I stayed quiet, not wanting to talk to my evil mother. I hated the fact that she's just being nice to me because she knew exactly that I am her only ace to pay all our debts.
I turned around to face her, showing her without any emotions. My blood boiled upon looking at her fake smile.
"Oh shut the hell up, mother!", I seethe through my clenched teeth.
Her eyes grew wide at my choice of words. I know better how to piss her off . I saw how her hands balled into fists on her sides but I remained stoical and cold.
She grabbed my arm as she held it firmly on her hand. I flinched at the pain and glared at the woman I despise the most.
"Watch your words, young lady! You don't talk to your mother like that", her voice sounded hard but I was never threatened.
I grabbed my arm from her grip with full force and let out a forced, sarcastic laugh at the mention of her being my mother. Really? Is she fucking with me?!
"What? Are you kidding me? You call yourself a mother when clearly you weren't even close to being one. Last time I checked, you don't give a fuck about me so you have no fucking right to call yourself a mother. Stop all this fake act because it makes me sick!", I spat at her while heaving sharp breaths.
Her hand came contact with my left cheek causing my head to flung on my side. A sharp, stinging pain lingered on my cheek making my eyes water again but I held any tear from falling. I'm not gonna show any emotion to this devil in front of me. Never.
She glared at me for a good 10 seconds before she turned around to her heels and slammed the door shut, leaving me completely angry.
I ran inside the bathroom, letting out all my tears in there. I don't care if my make up is a mess right now. My life is ruined and and I just wanted to kill myself.
I thought about taking a suicide a lot of times but I guess I'm just too afraid of dying. I have a lot of dreams and ambitions ahead of me and I swore I'll never let my unfortunate life as an excuse to end up my life.
I curled up into a ball on the bathroom floor just crying everything out.
I need to fucking escape and not turn back again.
A plan soon made its way to my head as I stood up, feeling hopeful again.
I wiped my tears and I'm completely aware that my mascara is smudging around my eyes but that's the last I thing I care about right now.
My eyes scanned the bathroom and stopped when it landed on an open window. It's quite small but enough to fit my small form.
Adrenaline rushed through my veins as I thought about finally being able to escape and runaway. I will never turn back to this hell hole ever again.
My dress is not helping me at all as I kept on stepping on it and it's kind of annoying. Without any hesitation, I ripped my dress just above my knees and unattached the veil on my hair.
I threw everything on the floor and smirked at the sight of my messed up dress.
"Clothes. I need to pack some clothes and some cash in order to survive"
I made my out the bathroom door and hastily opened my closet. I grabbed my backpack and stuffed a few clothes in there and of course, some money.
Making my way back to the bathroom, I realized that I'm still wearing my heels making me groan frustratedly.
I went back to my closet grabbing my favorite white converse and kicked my heels off, slipping my white converse after.
The ticking of the clock and the rapid beating of my heart is the only thing that could be heard in my serene surroundings. I looked up at the clock on my wall and saw that I only have 5 minutes before the wedding starts.
"Fuck!", I muttered under my breath, heading to the bathroom.
Realization hits me when I realized that I forgot my phone on the bed. I am so fucking stupid.
I was about to get my phone when a knock soon came on the door and my heart is beating violently inside my ribcage.
"Oh shit!", I cussed running back inside the bathroom and decided to just leave it there. There's no way I'm getting caught. I need to be quick.
I took a sharp breath before climbing up the window. I dropped my backpack first outside before I went out and jumped out the window.
Oh my god! This is actually happening!
It felt so good to be free. I grabbed my backpack on the ground and slipped it on both of my hands.
Finally, I'm free!