The Journal


4. chapter 4

Edeline's POV

I finished my classes the next day and I was going home, but dad called.

"I need you to get me this paper for an office friend from the psychology medical center, from Dr. Alfred, it's important".

I went to this Dr. And as I entered the building, the secretary told me I had to sign my name for entering.

As I'm looking for an empty column, I saw my dad's signature. I'm sure he came here to take more papers for his 'office friend'.

"Excuse me, has Robert Addington been down here before?" I asked around, " I am sorry this is confi..." Before the secretary could finish her sentence, someone spoke from behind.

"Are you Roberts daughter?" A man in a white lap coat asked, he must be Dr. Alfred.

"Yes..." I said, "how is he? Is he taking his pills regularly?"

Pills? What pills? Is my dad sick?

"I have no idea what you're talking about" I said, "please" he pointed his hand toward his office.

When I entered, I saw a tall sofa and some teddy bears.

His desk was brown, the closet was brown, everything was brown. Apparently he has a thing for this color.

"As far as I know, you are not aware of your father's condition".

Condition? Hell no!!!

"No. He did not tell me anything" I said, I was still processing what he said about dad.

A condition? What kind of a condition?

"Tell me everything Dr. Is it serious?", " your father has... Schizophrenia. Sometimes he's normal. The normal Robert. His personality is fine, as you know him, but sometimes he could be dangerous when he you don't obey him"

He kept describing the symptoms, and the possible reasons for getting it.

I was speechless, I didn't know what to say.

I wanted to explode and drown in my own tears. All those years my dad was sick.

"Has he ever yelled at you for no reason?" He asked, "all the time", " when he yell at you for no reason, just nod and leave. Never make him angry. At this stage he could be very sensitive".

That explains why he's overprotective.

I told Dr. Alfred everything, about not letting me do what I want.

He said its one of the perks. He might not recover from that idea, but I need to show him that I will leave so he could accept the idea.

That's what I have to do, and Eric will help me out.

"Did you know that dad is sick?" I talked to Eric when I got home, he must know.

"I know Edeline, I didn't wanna tell you now" , "you knew?!!! You knew all this time and haven't said a word? Why would you lie to me?" , " I did not lie... I wanted the perfect time to tell you so you wouldn't panic" , "I just can't believe you. You are the only one that I trust. Never hide anything from me again" I said, I almost broke into tears, but I held myself.

I did not cry for years and now all I wanna do is cry.

I need to start a new life. Away from everyone.

I started counting my savings from when I was 14 years old.

I knew a day like this would come, and I had to be prepared.

I've been working in a coffee shop and a library secretly without my dad knowing about it. I saved up about 9,000.

I can rent an apartment and buy tickets and leave this place like my mom, for good.

I went to my moms writing room and looked out the window.

New York,

You have been good to me. I wouldn't have survived without you. You gave me opportunities, chances, and hopes.

I have to leave now. It is time, but I will come back. Someday.

I wanted to continue the journal, so I sat on her desk and opened it.

Dear Edeline,

You are now 14 years old, you are becoming a woman, but there are some very important things you need to be aware of.

When you're 20, you need to read this and understand that your father is not normal, he is sick, and he cannot control it.

I will tell you everything when you grow up, and we would be away from home. In a new home, a beautiful, peaceful one.

With someone who will be a better father for you.

I want...

These were the last words on that page, it was torn. She was trying to tell me something, but I figured why she left. It's because of his condition.

I won't blame her. She deserved better. And clearly my grandparents didn't know shit and they let her marry dad.

I wish for once, to go back in time and fix everything and give her what she deserves.

My mom was a great woman, who faught for me.

Now it's my turn to fight for her.

The next day, I finished doing the laundry and placed my dad's clothes in his drawer.

That's when I found out the drawer had a small crack. I opened it and there was it. The missing piece from the page. He had it. He must have taken it from her by force that's why it was ripped.

I opened it and it said 'I want you to promise me not to tell your father.

- Mom'.

I am sure he read it, and I'm sure he wants to know what I promised not to tell. But he must have forgotten by now, he would have asked if he didn't forget.

I went on with my day, trying to hide the fact that my dad now is not exactly who I thought he was.

I finished dinner and called him to come eat.

"Why is there a bag full of clothes in your room?" He asked, "you went through my stuff?" I stopped eating and glared at him, I can't believe him, there's no privacy at all.

"I had to, to know what you're trying to do", seriously?!!

"Well, let me save your time dad, I'm leaving. And I'm gonna build up a future" I said and stood up.

He grabbed my arm and yelled, "no, you are not going anywhere" he was crushing my arm. "Let me go, you need to learn how to let go" I yelled trying to leave his embrace, "you are not leaving" he yelled again, "you can't make me" I yelled back.

He slapped me. I felt a burn in my cheek, I can't believe he just did that, "you are a monster" I yelled with an eye full of tears.

I took my bag and left.

I felt sorry for him being sick, but he has crossed his lines.

"And where do you think you're going?" He asked, "anywhere away from you" I said, "I will find you" these were the last words before I got out.

I was gonna cancel everything and stay. Help him with his sickness, but his reaction just made me hate him even more.

I went to the airport to book a ticket. I needed to leave as soon as possible.

I drove back to Eric's house to say goodbye, but I was afraid my dad would be there. He knows that Eric is my only friend, and that I would be crying for help to him. So I decide to call him first.

It turns out he's still at work. I dropped by...

He was writing a paper.

"Eric, I just came to say goodbye" , "goodbye? why?" He asked and his face turned upside down, "I can't live with him anymore" I said, "I know you want your freedom so bad, but he's your father, it was wrong of me to encourage you to leave, you should stay with him, take care of him" he said.

Not you Eric...

"Really? Now you are suddenly on his side. I can't do this anymore" , "you can't do what? He's your father Edeline" he said, " did you know that he hit me? Minutes ago?" I said with a cry in my throat, he looked at me with wide eyes, speechless, "yeah. That's the father you're talking about? Listen, I don't need a lecture from you. That's the last thing I want from you. I'm 22 years old, I believe I can do whatever I want with my life, and if you'd like to support me and visit me, all you need to do is call. I'll see you later".

I didn't wanna leave like this. I wanted him to call my name so I could turn and hug him, but he didn't, so I just kept on moving...

North Carolina. Here I come...

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