To my dear Derek,
I can feel that you still love me as much as I love you. If you have forgotten me, I haven't. I still think about you, everyday. Robert is not you, and he will never be you.
The reason I haven't ran away with you is because of Edeline. She is my daughter. I love her to death, and I can't leave her with him.
I would love for you to meet her, but he wouldn't let me leave the house. All I can do is give this to you to read and tell you that I will come back. I just need to find a reason.
This page was torn from the journal.
Maybe she wanted to send it to this Derek person and she couldn't. Maybe she wanted to throw it away so my dad wouldn't see it.
I placed the page in my pocket and kept reading.
She kept talking about planning to take me and leave away. She wanted to leave my dad for good.
I just couldn't understand how she really feels, because I remember her laughing with my dad like she was falling in love for the first time.
She used to go out with my dad every night like they are going on their first date.
She would tell me nice things about my dad. Things he'd tell her that made her happy.
Was that all a part of the plan?
Was she persuading dad so he could let her leave New York and then she would run away?
Well, I guess her plan worked...
But her fate took her away for good...
I have a feeling that this Derek guy has something to do with it.
If he was the reason she left, and if he was the reason she died.
I will be his worst nightmare, cause he took away my mother, my life, and my hope in this world, and left me with someone who takes my dreams and crush them with his bare hands.
I will never forgive him...
"Edeline, don't you wanna eat?" Dad shouted, I looked out the window, it was already dark out there.
I took the journal and hid it in my room.
Mom never wanted dad to see it, and he shall never...
"How was college?" He asked, "same" I responded without looking at him, I was trying to swallow the raw food.
"What do you mean 'same' ? Did you take the same lesson? Did you meet the same people?" , " why do you always have to yell and argue everyday?" I asked, leaving him to find another excuse for being unreasonable.
"It's just work pressure" he said, "sure it is" , " and... " he said, looking at his plate, more like... Staring.
"I just don't want the day where you leave to come" he said.
"Dad, I have to leave, that's how life goes. I can't keep living here forever, and you can't keep working forever. Someday, you will get old, retire, and I will be the one who will work and take care of you" I said being out of breath. I am tired of saying this all the time.
"Yeah, someday. Just not soon" he said and took his plate and left.
I knew he was gonna say that. He says it everyday.
I placed my plate in the washing machine and went to my room. I had to continue reading the journal. Maybe there is something that could help me leave this hell.
As I turned the page, I saw a small note, in a different hand writing.
The note was kinda ruined, as if she tried to hide it...
Tonight was the best night I ever had.
I hope I get to meet Edeline next time.
I love you.
Tonight?!! What happened that night? He must have told her something.
He asked to see me. Mom must have to him about me.
The next five pages were about Pride & Predjuice. A book that made every women crazy in love.
Mom kept writing about how the story affected her, and how Mr. Darcy gave her high expectations in men. She thought all men would be cold and harsh at first like Mr. Darcy, then become so sweet and gentle.
Maybe that's how she saw dad.
She has mentioned how sweet he was to her when she was pregnant, and that after giving birth, he took us to England, to Wesminister Abbey.
The place where Jane Austen got her Pride & Predjuice inspiration from.
I do not remember anything from that trip and most certainly do not remember my dad being that romantic.
It was hard to believe, but I love him for making her happy.
"Eddy, what are you doing?" I recognized the man's voice, who shouted from downstairs.
It was Eric... Eric McClain.
Eric is my dad's work friend, and my godfather. He practically raised me while dad had business trips for months.
I closed the journal and went downstairs to see where he will take me this time.
He was the only one my dad trusted, and he would let me go anywhere with him.
"Why were you so late? I need to get out of here" I said punching Eric's arm, "you know I can hear you right?" My dad said, reading a book in the living room.
" I know " I said and left.
I took a deep breath as soon as I stepped out of the house.
"So... Where to?" I asked, "let's go to..." Eric looked around thinking and biting his bottom lip, "Central Park" he said, "yeah, I love that park" I said.
We had a long walk between the trees and sat on benches and talked about life for hours.
He understands me...
"If you wanna leave to North Carolina, I can do that, your father trusts me, and he won't say no" he said.
I kept thinking about how much freedom I will be getting without dad.
Go onto my own adventure, see where mom grew up, and maybe know something about Derek.
After deep thinking, I finally said.
"Let's do this"