Soul Search


15. 15


"Why did you let it slide that easily if you were upset?" Isaac asked. I'm not sure what to answer. It felt like I was being down under in Tyson's hands. Like I'm the one who always gives what he wants and what he needs. I love him. My feelings for him while I read every entry in this blog comes back. I still do.

I shrugged. "Love?"

"Bullshit." He laughed lightly, a sarcastic laugh. I still don't understand why sometimes he's an asshole, sometimes he's not. It was awkward for a moment. "Okay, next one." He said clicking the next entry while it breaks the awkwardness around us.

February 21st,

I arrived at the place thirty minutes late, on purpose. I don't really want to show up on time since it's a party and I don't want to be the first person who shows up here. I don't even have friends here. I insisted Tyson to come but he can't, it's Saturday and he said he had some work to do in their office. I hate it, he's in high school and he should be in a football game practice or something. Hell, what am I even thinking?

As soon as Tyson dropped me off, I entered the place. People in here my age, some are not, they're socializing. Laughing, talking. Taking drinks. I sat on an empty booth, waiting for someone to approach me. I shouldn't have come here in the first place, but Tyson said I should go. So I did.

"Aliyah! You made it! Come, I'll introduce you to the others." Mrs. Bradley pulled my wrist as we walk through the crowd. We stopped at a circle of friends, a guy wearing a gray tux and two girls, one who wears a pink dress that fits her like it was made for her. The other wears a purple dress, hangs loose on her frame.

"This is Aliyah, you've seen her project right?" Mrs. Bradley told the others. They've seen it? How?

"Yes, it was amazing yet so simple. How did you come up with your concept?" The girl in the purple dress asks. I wanted to answer her: 'Oh I don't know, let me call my boyfriend and ask him'

But that's not what they want to hear so this is what I answer instead. "You know, when you brainstorm it just comes out naturally." I smiled and she nods.

"By the way, I'm Kane," The girl in the purple dress says. "This is Shane," She points at the next girl. "And Allen." Then on the guy who wears the gray tux.

I smiled at the both of them and shakes their hand. "Aliyah." I said as my introduction.

We're all interacting until the night ends and I notice that Allen has been giving me the stare of his life. I didn't really give a shit. The night became darker and the music became louder. Everyone's dancing now, there were probably alcohol on the juice punch because they're all going crazy and I'm a little tipsy, I think?

We've exchanged numbers by the end of the night after we said our good-byes. Tyson is picking me up tonight and I'm really tired and hungry but tired all in all. I heard my phone beeped but I ignored it.

"You're sleeping at our house tonight." He says while he's driving. My eyes were still closed, due to the sleepiness the air makes. Or I'm just really tired.

"Why? Where's your parents?" I asked, my eyes still closed.

"Dad is in LA's airbase." He answered shortly, waiting for him to say where his mom is but he doesn't say another word.

"Your mom?" I asked. There's a long silence ahead, he never answered. He stopped the car, I opened my eyes. We're already here.

"Wait, what does my mom says about this?" I asked again. He walks out of the car, I did too and followed him inside the house.

"Ethan got you covered, you're staying at Katie's tonight." He answered and I nodded. We made our way up to his room.

"Yeah, let's skip this part." I said and Isaac nodded.

"Agreed." He flips to the next entry.

February 22nd,

I woke up in one of Tyson's flannel shirt. My dress from last night hangs to his cabinet. He isn't in bed anymore. I looked at the time, it's nine in the morning. I brushed my eyes lightly with my fist, getting the sleep away from it.

I scanned the room with my eyes to find my phone. It's not on his nightstand. I probably left it on his car. I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash off my sleepy face. After that I went back to his room and he's now sitting on the edge of the bed with my phone in his hands.

"Morning." I leaned on the doorframe and wait for him to throw his arms around me, like our morning routine when I sleep here. But he doesn't. Wonder why?

"Who's Allen?" He asks and I see his haw tighten. Oh shit, what did Allen text me??

"Uhm, guy from last night. Also a passer of the critic's test. Why?" I'm puzzled right now. I don't know why he is acting jealous for. He doesn't answer me. He tossed my phone in his bed and left the room. I took it and looked through my messages.

Allen: It was nice to meeting you tonight, let's meet up again if you're not busy. Just hit me up and we'll talk about the structural planning. :-)

I followed Tyson down to the kitchen to explain. He's getting something from the fridge. He turns around and his eyes meet mine.

"I know you're jealous, please don't be. He was just a friend and I literally just met him last night." I said while I wrap my arms around his waist. My head leaned in his chest and I could feel his heartbeat.

"While I was working my ass off last night, you're out there having fun with another guy. How could I not be jealous? Tell me." I broke my hug from him. What the hell? Why does he sound like he's my husband? I took a step back and exhaled.

"We're friends, baby. You know I can never do that to you." He ignored me and walked straight to the living room. I followed him again. I don't want another argument. I'm so tired of it. SO TIRED.

"Please," I pleaded but he glares at me.

"Just shut up." He said and that's when I cracked.

"You're the one who insisted me to go to that freaking party. I did because that's what you wanted! I never complain about anything you want because I don't want us to fight. And that project you sent me, yes I was thankful but I didn't want you to do it!" Now he looks at me, his eyebrows met in confusion. He laughs sarcastically and stood up from the couch to face me.

"I did that because that's what's best for you!" He shouted back while his fingers ran through his hair in frustration.

"I want to be independent, lately I've been feeling like the weight of my world is yours to lift. It feels like if there's no Tyson, there's no Aliyah. It feels like you're holding me back from everything that I want." I stopped and took some air because my lungs are knocking them out after I say so much words. I'm not supposed to say this but he pushed me here.

He was about to speak but I cut him off. "No, I'm not finished. You know that I love you, Tyson, and I'm just so tired of understanding what you want. Adjusting on your needs. You get what you want, but when I want something, you're always there disagreeing and when we fight, you get tantrums and you'll kick the bumper of your car. Your car is innocent!" My mouth left open breathing heavily. Letting air inside me. I can feel that my eyes are about to spill their tears any minute now.

"Sometimes you're lazy and I'm just helping you." He said as if I'm a little kid. I shook my head.

"I'm not lazy. I didn't finish the project because maybe that wasn't what I wanted anymore, maybe I wanted something else."

"Like what? Like Allen?" He said while he shot me his dark hazel eyes. That's when my tears began to fall. I would never cheat on him. I love him and I want no one else but him, but he never understands me. My heart is breaking apart as it falls hard to the floor of this very room.

"I can't do this anymore. I'm so tired of making you understand. I'm so tired of everything." I covered my face with both of my hands and said those words in between sobs. I felt him moving closer to me but I step back. Far enough for him not to reach me. I'm so terrified of him. He's nothing like this. He cares about me too much that it hurts me.

"I'm sorry, please, baby. I'm really sorry." He tries to lean on me but I push him away. I'm afraid that my strength isn't much to push him off me that's why he still meets me. I sobbed again.

I pulled away from him and went back to his room. I called a cab to come pick me up. I get my dress on and his flannel shirt still on me. He reached his room and he saw me all dressed up.

"Don't go.." He took my hand and I let him hold it. "Please, baby. Let's work this out." He says with his word desperate and begging. I felt my cheek wet again and the tears came trailing down again. My heart is with him, and he's crushing every bit of it with his hands. I could feel the pain inside my chest that I couldn't breathe. It's like it's sucking all the oxygen inside me.

He kissed my hand and I pulled it away from him. I walked away and headed to the front door to exit this place. But before I could even grab the doorknob, Tyson grabbed my wrist so tight that it hurt me.

"Please let go, I respect what you wanted in our relationship. Please respect mine as well." I said and another sob came out from my mouth. His grip became tighter. "Let go! It hurts!" And he did.

I didn't wait for his answer and walked out the door. The cab is already here, I hopped on it and it started to move. Right on cue, sir. I saw him in the rear view mirror, his eyes with tears. Filled with anger, disbelief and guilt. He stomped his feet on the floor and punch the wall. I looked away as the cab begins to go further.

"What the shit heck?!" Isaac shouted so loud that we began to hear echoes of his voice. I'm still here, stuck staring at the screen. It feels like we've just watched a break-up scene and I can feel her heartache. I can feel my heartache. I blinked. Isaac's looking at me.

"You okay?" I blinked again and nodded at him as an answer. Wow, this is all too much to take. Now I know the reason why we broke up. My eyes spaced out, thinking about it. I mean at first I couldn't remember it, I just get pieces of it in my dreams or vision, whatever you call them. Man I need some oxygen.

"Let's take a break from reading these," I looked at the time in his laptop that's on the bottom right. It's almost lunch time. "You should go get some lunch." He nods.

"Agreed, and you're coming with me. We're going to discuss it on the table while I eat."


"Three, the break-up." Isaac says as he writes it down in his empty notebook. We're back in the doctor's area again and he's eating pasta.

I've been staring at the empty space for an hour now, or if that's what it feels like. I'm still thinking about Tyson, our break-up. I remember how I loved him. How I still love him. My mind refuses to believe that he's willing to cut my life support for the sake of their company. I never cheated on him, and I would never ever do that. As far as I know, I didn't do anything wrong to be in this mess. All I did was break-up with him because he's too controlling. I want to cry. I want to wake up. But I can't, I'm stuck here in this world where only Isaac can see me. I don't know what to do anymore.

*snap snap*

Isaac's fingered snapped in front of my eyes, bringing me back from my mind. His eyes are confused and worried. He licks his lower lip that has spaghetti sauce in it. I bite mine and look away.

"Why do you look like your whole world just crashed?" Yeah, it did. "And for a second, you seemed to be seduced by my lips?" I quickly turned to him with confusion. What the? Seduced? I noticed it but hell no I'm not.

"You wish." And I rolled my eyes away from him. He chuckled softly and went back to his pasta.

"Yeah, I wish." I ignored him like I always do. There's a really long silence after that. All I could hear was the sound of his fork hitting the plate while he eat. I watch him just as he sets his plate aside and when he wiped the tissue in his lips.

"Why do you think Tyson would do that? You know, willing to cut my support life for their company?" I asked out of the blue. He arched an eyebrow and pointed his index finger on me while he leaves his chair.

"Hold that thought, I'll be back to get water." He said with that sexy accent again. Damn, good thing he just left. I sat quietly waiting for his return. My eyes are down in my hands, which are currently placed over the table getting my attention.

"Hey," I looked back up. It's not Isaac, it's the girl. The soul.

Don't let them know you're afraid, they feed on your fears.

I'm not afraid anymore. My right eyebrow lifted confidently. She smiled at me. I smiled back. "I see that you're decided to accept my help." She said. I grinned, showing some of my teeth. I leaned back to the back of my chair, relaxed.

"I'm in dire need of my body right now. My life is so screwed, I need to wake up." She nodded and leaned forward with her hands together on the table. My smirk doesn't leave my lips.

"You made the right decision." She stood up smiling. She motioned her head to follow me. I don't move.

"Yeah, now fuck off." She stopped frozen when she heard me. She looked up behind me. I did too. Isaac's there. He's smiling at her. Damn that killer smile.

"Good one Aliyah. Run along now." He said with his fingers moving back and fourth. She left without a word.

Phew, close one. I thought she was going to force me to come with her. Or maybe she will, just not now. I assume souls like her doesn't give up that easily. It sucks because my real world is screwed, now my soul world is going to screw as well. Shit, what did I do to deserve this?

The blog.

My journal.

Maybe I did something wrong. Something shitty. I don't even know if I'm capable of it but I'm about to find out.

Isaac and I agreed to go back to his mother's office so we could get to reading some entries again. I just noticed that today's Monday and Isaac doesn't seem to go to school.

"Did you skip school today?" He glances at me and his lips form a tiny smile.

"Thought you might ask that," He says and he pauses for a second. I waited for his answer. "Apparently, I'm in a family leave for a month. But I'm not. I did that so I could help you." I know I should be glad about this but I'm really concerned of his grades. His transcripts when he goes to college. It's not going to be a good sign if he has a month of absence.

"You're going to ruin your transcripts, are you aware of that?" I expect a serious-worried response or reaction from him but he's not. He confidently shakes his head no.

"I'm a genius, I don't have to go to school." He laughs. I can't tell if he's joking or what but I ignored him as if I heard nothing. "I laughed but I'm serious about it." He continued and I glanced back at him with my eyebrows curled.

"What do you mean?"

"You'll never understand." He answered with a serious face. His mood changes so fast like he's a girl. One second he's laughing, the next one he's serious as hell. What is wrong with him?

I didn't bother asking anymore since we're about to read another entry from my blog journal. We've scrolled through the months of March to May and decided to skip it since it was just about me being drunk all the time and just being in a heartbreak scene. We read it but there was nothing important about it. I don't want to recall it anymore because I could remember all the heartache and pain and that's the last thing I need right now. We have to focus on the important stuff on this journal.

June 10th,

I found out that my grandfather–Ross Evans–stole the shares of the O’Conner's company. How? Well, I was with Ethan today. He took me out, he said he wanted to eat some burger but it was just his reasons to get me out of the house to tell me all about it. I didn't believe him at first, I thought that his head was controlled by Tyson's dad but I know him better. He's smart and it's always blood before anything. So yeah, he told me everything that Mr. O’Conner said. Every transaction my grandfather made in the company is being recorded. It's all in his flash drive.

Ethan told me the reason why Ross did it. It's because he's kleptomaniac. He was diagnosed with it a few years ago. He showed me the sheet from the doctor. He tried to tell Mr. O’Conner about it but he was convinced that it's all bullshit and made up. He has no mercy. Ethan wanted to steal the flash drive but he said he'd only make it worse. I don't know why he's telling me this, but I'm guessing that he's trying to tell me that I should go get it.

However, the problem is, Tyson and I broke up which means I have no more reason to visit him in his office. Furthermore, I'm about to come up with a stupid plan that requires my charm. As much as I hate to do it, I have to. It's wrong, I know. My grandfather deserves to be in jail. But he has this illness, he has to be treated and they should understand his condition. Damn it, I don't want to do it but I will because I have to.

"Interesting." Isaac says as he flips to the next page.

July 21st,

I finally had the courage to do this shit. I walked inside the lobby. Surprisingly, I'm not banned from this building yet. I made my way up to Tyson's office floor and went straight to him. It's Saturday, I assume that he's here today and I was right. He's sitting on his office chair, his fist leaning against his cheek like he's bored. His eyes widened in shock when he saw me in his door and he immediately stood up.

"Aliyah," He said. This is the first time I heard his voice after the break-up. It pierces through my heart but I smiled as if it was nothing.

"Hey." I greeted. He smiled back as he takes his seat. I'm still trying to compose myself. I forgot why I was here. I'm stuck. The pain begins to rush into my blood again. My eyes met the floor but I don't cry. I don't know if I could take much more of this but I have to be strong.

"I'm really sorry about your grandfather." He says as he opened the drawer of his office table. I heard the things inside hitting the wood as he rumbles it trying to find something. He placed a flash drive in his table and slowly slid it into my direction. "I know you're here for this, take it."

I blinked, not sure of he's serious. Is he really going to give me that easily? I haven't even done anything yet, I just said hey. I hesitated. This must be a trick.

"Don't worry about it, I cloned his flash drive. When he opens the clone, the files are going to corrupt. Take it. Now." He said again. This moment is unbelievable. "I almost forgot," He turned back and took a book from his shelf and placed it beside the flash drive. "Please read this, until the end. That's the least that you can do for me as your thank you." He smiled, painfully that I could feel it in my chest. For five months, I thought I built my emotional walls high enough not to break down. But it only took one painful smile to crash.

I took the flash drive to my pocket and held the book with my hand. I can't speak or move. I don't even know what to say. I want to thank him but it's not going to be enough but whatever. I'll do it anyway.

"Give me a kiss and you can go, someone saw us through the glass wall. Let them know we're still together." He said and with no hesitation, I moved forward in a flash and kissed him hard since I've missed him so much. His touch, his arms, his kiss, and everything about him. I sat on his lap while our lips dance. It took ten seconds of exchanging kisses before he broke away.

"Thank you." I whispered softly just enough for him to hear it. He leaned his forehead against mine and his eyes are still closed.

"You should go now, I don't know if I can ever let you go again if you don't leave in a minute." I felt his arms wrapped in my waist and his hands pressing in my skin. I want to stay a little longer but he's right. I don't think I can let him go again if I don't go now. So I stood up and gave him one quick kiss and walked away from his office like nothing happened.

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