1. What i fear
Have you ever tried to look in mirror - look into your own eyes, but see someone else? Someone - or something - that just can’t be you? I have. When I look into my eyes, without my glasses as a window - without anything to hide what’s inside - fear starts pumping through my veins. Because what I see - I so deeply hope isn’t me, but just a hallucination or a bad dream. Because what I see, is darkness. A darkness that I fear. Over the years, I have learned to accept and control my fears, but this is different. I have tried to take off my glasses, to take a deep breath, and look into the mirror - into me, and my darkness. I have tried to stay calm. I have tried to accept and control my fear, but… Normally, I analyze the feeling, like “This I fear, but of what?” and then conclude that it is something either not worth fearing, or something understandable to fear. I have tried analyzing this fear, but… every time I stop myself. I get into a subject, which I have desperately tried to avoid for as long as I remember. I get to the conclusion that, what I fear is myself, and what’s inside of me. I once wrote a poem that describes it a bit too well. “The eyes are the soul” It’s what I’ve always believed. My eyes are filled with darkness and something wild, untamable, violent. Is my soul too, then? That’s what I fear. Me.