11. Why are some people so cruel?
After the first concert Michael and I were laying in his bunk together. We were both on twitter seeing what the fans thought of the show. As I'm scrolling through twitter I see a picture of Harry and I when we were going to the other side of the stage and the person who posted it said "Look I told you guys Bree is a hoe, she's already sneaking around with Harry behind Michaels back!" I'm really offended and hurt when fans do this because its not true, I'm a loyal person I don't cheat or lie. Michael could tell I was upset when I sighed. He asked me what was wrong and I showed him the tweet. I could see the anger in his eyes. He just says to me to ignore it. As I'm going through more tweets I keep seeing more hate tweets and now I'm really hurt. I start crying and tell Michael I'm going to bed. He looks confused and tries to ask if I'm okay but all I do is just throw my phone on to the ground. Michael gets put of his bunk and goes to pick up my phone. He goes and sits down on the couch in the front of the bus. He was going through what I was reading on twitter and I can see him get more angry. He goes outside for a second I guess to calm down. Calum then gets up and walks to my bunk. Calum asks what's wrong since I'm still crying. While Calum is calming me down Michael walks back in and comes to me. He just grabs me and tells me everything is going to be alright. Michael handed Calum my phone and he reads what made me cry. The tweet said "Bree you should try to cover those scars on your fat ass thighs or maybe go do it to your wrists until you actually die." When Calum read this he got on his phone and went on twitter and tweeted the girl that tweeted that to me and said, "Maybe you should go to hell for making a beautiful girl think she's worthless. Your actions make you so ugly."
I hate thinking about those days where I would cut to make myself feel better. Because I did attempt to kill myself and luckily my mom walked in and stopped me. Some people don't understand what it's like to feel like there's no point to living. They've never experienced what it's like to be pushed around by so many people that you become use to it. Fuck why did my mom have to stop me....
I hate how the fans treat Bree. Thanks to the one girl Bree is now suicidal again. I wish people would just fuck off. I hate seeing her like this. I decided to post on twitter a video to the people who were doing this to her. All I said was that if you going to tweet things like that to Bree to not even be a fan of the band because we don't want fans that call people out on stuff that hurts them. It's not right and were not a band that promotes bullying.
After I heard about what's going on I went to talk to Bree. The guys don't know but I almost killed myself. I used to cut. I always cover my wrist with bracelets so no one see's my scars. I've never told the guys because I was scared of what they would think. I feel like if I told them they would look at me like I was a joke. with being the oldest I feel like I need to be mature but I know I can still have fun. I know what Bree is feeling right now and it sucks. No one should feel like that. I'm going to tell Bree just because I know what it's like.
I wake up to Ashton tapping on my arm he said he needed to talk to me. We were the only ones up so I'm kind of confused. We went into the back room of the bus and started talking to me about the tweet last night then he showed me something I would've never guessed he had....scars, scars everywhere on his wrist. I asked him why he did it and he told me his story and basically told me not to give up. He told me stuff that I didn't know about Michael too. He told me that Michael has depression to and that he hasn't seen Michael this happy in a very long time. He told me that I'm the reason for Michaels happiness. I was shocked with everything that Ash just told me but thankful that he understands. He told me if I ever need to talk I can talk to him. And if he said if anyone tries to hurt me to tell all the guys.
Since Ashton and I were the only ones up I made us breakfast. All we had were bagels and cereal and to make cereal on a moving bus is very difficult, so I made us bagels I made one for Michael to because I knew he would wake up soon. I was putting cream cheese on our bagels when suddenly someone dips there finger into the cream cheese and I turn around to see it Mikey. He puts the cream cheese on to my nose I turn around and he kisses me. I gave Ash and Mikey there bagels and make mine. Once I made mine, Mikey pats on his lap for me to come sit on his lap. As we eat our breakfast, Mikey keeps telling us about this dream he had about aliens and how he thinks they're going to take over the world. Ash and I just sat there and laugh at him when we were done Ash took our plates and cleaned up, he decided to go take a shower. Mikey and I were alone so I started kissing him. I moved so I was straddling him and all of a sudden I felt his boner I stopped and smiled at him then laughed. He was like your a little asshole you. I told him that was job. Since I'm such a tease I ran my hand down his chest almost into his shorts. He liked it but sadly we all made a rule that none of us would have sex on the bus. He's just gonna have to wait until we stay at the next hotel;)