It had been a week since Pitch found out about the bet. If stupid Wormtail hadn't blabbed, I'd be rolling in Honeydukes sweets right now. Instead I've had rainbow butterflies glued to my hair, I've been chased by three different gargoyles, a giant squid tried to kidnap me thanks to someone giving it a love potion, and every now and then, Peeves has stolen my school books, more often than usual, and I've been getting detentions for being late because of it, all pranks done by Pitch.
I swear, one day Wormtail's going to betray us, the stupid cowardly loose-mouth, and I will have to kill him then. What bothered me even more was that I felt guilty about hurting Pitch. It was an awful feeling, and I did not like it at all. I also felt... lonely now, even surrounded by my friends. I'd probably screwed five girls, and still none of those stupid feelings would leave.
"Sirius, it's lunch time. You coming? You haven't eaten all week," James said, and he was right. My appetite had disappeared. But I agreed. I could see the other Marauders were worried about me. As we entered the Great hall, my eyes wandered to where Pitch and her friends were sitting. She was smiling and laughing at something Evans had said. She looked fine, and it hurt for some reason. Here I was, feeling like crap and - dare I say it - missing her, and she was perfectly happy. Then, just to rub salt in the wound, some Gryffindor guy went and kissed her on the cheek before sitting down and wrapping his arm around her.
"Hey Pads," Moony exclaimed, taking my mind, very briefly, off the fact that Pitch had moved on already.
"Hey Moons," I greeted, smiling weakly and watching Pitch talking to this guy. I just watched them, my eyes pricking with tears. I blinked a couple of times to force them back, and realised Moony was talking to me.
"Huh? What did you say?" I asked him. He smiled and shook his head.
"I said, go and talk to her," he replied.
"Ta-talk to who??" I stuttered, knowing perfectly well who he meant.
"Very convincing stutter, Sirius. Pitch! Who d'you think?! Stop feeling sorry for yourself and go talk to her," he said.
"I-I can't, Rem. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I think of her all the time. I dream of her incessantly, and I can't get her out of my mind. I wish I would just wake up with amnesia. To forget everything, even the little things like how her eyes sparkle when she laughs, or how she crinkles up her nose when she's trying not to sneeze in the middle of class. If I woke up now, like this was a sick, twisted nightmare, I would never let her go. And I, Sirius Orion Black, have not got the courage to tell her that, because looking at her, she's already moved on. And it hurts. She's fine, and I'm not fine at all."
"Sirius, she isn't fine. She comes and talks to me often. Trust me, fine is the last thing she feels. She's broken. She puts on a laughing, and grinning mask so her friends don't worry. She still wants to kill herself, did you know that? I caught her trying to slash her wrists, not like how some people cut, but trying to cut herself from her wrist to the inside of her elbow in one long line. That's enough to kill someone. She talks to me when she feels like doing it again. She didn't just like you, mate, she was utterly and truly in love with you," Remus told me. My heart sank to my stomach. I didn't know that what I had done would make someone want to do any of that.
"I guess I better go to her. Even if it's just to apologise," I said. I got up and wandered over to her, and as I got closer, I realised how un-fine she was. Is that even a word?? Well, even though it isn't, it's the one I'm using. She was pale, and she'd lost a lot of weight. Her robes looked way too big on her, and although she didn't have rings or anything under her eyes, she looked like she hadn't slept in days. Maybe she was wearing a glamour.
"Um, Pitch??" I called tentatively.
"What is is, Black?" she spat, her voice dripping with venom. Her eyes locked onto mind and I held back a gasp. They were no longer the beautiful, piercing stormy grey I remembered, but a dull, lifeless grey, like the colour was drained from them.
"I wanted to say sorry. I am so sorry for hurting you the way I did. You didn't deserve it, and I feel bloody awful for doing that you. I hope you can find it in yourself to forgive me," I said, staring at the floor.
"Wow, very touching, Black. You should become an actor. Only this time, I'm not falling for your petty performance. You are incapable of feeling sorry. What you did was vile. You don't deserve my forgiveness, and you aren't going to get it," she sneered, before turning away and ignoring me. Oh Pitch, I wish I could make it up to you.