We'll All Go Together When We Go

Davis is a gay satire song writer. Jack and Leanne are hopelessly in love. Martin has just broken up with Agnes. Mel is new and single and perfect for Martin. As Davis, Jack, Leanne, Martin and Mel enter year their final year of school, none of them expect World War Three to erupt around them. I should probably say that this is a satire musical and if you are easily offended then you should probably leave the internet now. The songs used were written by Tom Lehrer who is a genius. As I am British, I have adapted some of the U.S lyrics for U.K lyrics. I have also updated some of the songs to reflect the society we live in. I have included videos of the original songs at the end of each song.

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4. Scene 4

(Jack, Davis and Martin are the only ones left on stage.)

Jack: Bloody hell. Do any of you get this? ‘Analytic and Algebraic Topology of Locally Euclidean Metrization of Infinitely Differentiable Riemannian Manifold.’ The hell is that?

Davis: Nah. This’ll be easy.

Jack: What?

Martin: I agree with Davis. This won’t take up any time at all.

Jack: How?

Martin: I just won’t do it.

Davis: (Jumps on to a table) Gentlemen! What if I told you that I could not only do this homework in no time but get an A in it as well?

Jack: I’d say you’re either a genius or a madman.

Martin: I agree with Jack. You’re nuts.

Davis: Who made me the man I am today,
The great genius that others all quote?
Who's the professor that made me that way,
The greatest that ever got chalk on his coat?

Martin: Clearly no one who works here.

One man deserves the credit,
One man deserves the blame,
and Nicolai Ivanovich Lobachevsky is his name. Oy!
Nicolai Ivanovich Lobache...

I am never forget the day I first meet the great Lobachevsky.
In one word he told me secret of success: Plagiarize!

Plagiarize,
Let no one else's work evade your eyes,
Remember why the good Lord made your eyes,
So don't shade your eyes,
But plagiarize, plagiarize, plagiarize...
Only be sure always to call it please, "research".

And ever since I meet this man my life is not the same,
And Nicolai Ivanovich Lobachevsky is his name. Oy!
Nicolai Ivanovich Lobache...

I am never forget the day I am given first original paper to write. It
was on Analytic and Algebraic Topology of Locally Euclidean Metrization
of Infinitely Differentiable Riemannian Manifold.
Bozhe moi!
This I know from nothing.
But I think of great Lobachevsky and I get idea - haha!

I have a friend in Minsk,
Who has a friend in Pinsk,
Whose friend in Omsk
Has friend in Tomsk
With friend in Akmolinsk.
His friend in Alexandrovsk
Has friend in Petropavlovsk,
Whose friend somehow
Is solving now
The problem in Dnepropetrovsk.

And when his work is done -
Haha! - begins the fun.
From Dnepropetrovsk
To Petropavlovsk,
By way of Iliysk,
And Novorossiysk,
To Alexandrovsk to Akmolinsk
To Tomsk to Omsk
To Pinsk to Minsk
To me the news will run,
Yes, to me the news will run!

And then I write
By morning, night,
And afternoon,
And pretty soon
My name in Dnepropetrovsk is cursed,
When he finds out I published first!

And who made me a big success
And brought me wealth and fame?
Nicolai Ivanovich Lobachevsky is his name. Oy!
Nicolai Ivanovich Lobache...

I am never forget the day my first book is published.
Every chapter I stole from somewhere else.
Index I copy from old Vladivostok telephone directory.
This book, this book was sensational!***
Pravda - ah, Pravda - Pravda said:
"Jeel beel kara ogoday blyum blocha jeli," ("It stinks").
But Izvestia! Izvestia said:
"Jai, do gudoo sun sai pere shcum," ("It stinks").
Metro-Goldwyn-Moskva bought the movie rights for six million rubles,
Changing title to 'The Eternal Triangle',
With Scarlet Johanson playing part of hypotenuse.

And who deserves the credit?
And who deserves the blame?
Nicolai Ivanovich Lobachevsky is his name.
Oy!

 

 

 

 

(Cheering)

Jack: But seriously, how are you going to get the paper done?

Davis: My sister has a friend who did the same paper a few years ago.

(Laughing)

Martin: Is she hot?

Jack: Better not let Mel hear you!

Martin: I can’t help it. We’ve been dating what, two, three months now and nada.

Jack: Some girls are just like that. But you know it’s the quiet ones that are the wild ones.

Davis: At least she’s not Agnes.

Martin: Thank god. It’s not that I want to have sex with anyone else. I really like Mel. It’s just she’s giving me blue balls over here.

Jack: Try this. It might give you some relief. (Slips Martin a porn magazine)

Martin: (Opening it) Thank you Jack and hello Miss November.

Davis: Come on. We’re going to be late for Mr Johnson.

(They all exit. Martin, leaving last, makes some dirty comment which should be changed each performance.) 

BLACK OUT

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