Martin: Sorry. I haven’t been on a date in a while. I actually just broke up with someone.
Mel: Oh. Okay.
Martin: Well that was stupid. Sorry. Mood killer, I know.
Mel: I don’t think there was much mood to begin with.
Martin: Right. (Laughs painfully)
Mel: I guess I haven’t been on a date in a while either.
Martin: So how are you finding it? Living here, I mean.
Mel: Yeah, it’s good. Still a little nervous about starting school in September.
Martin: I know the feeling.
Mel: What’s it like?
Martin: What’s what like?
Mel: The school!
Martin: Oh yeah. It’s pretty much like every other school, you know. Lessons are boring, food is shitty, people are fairly standard. You’ve got your jocks and your drama geeks; the sluts and the mathletes; the best people you will ever meet – I’d like to include myself in that category – and the worst.
Mel: Who are the worst?
Martin: The teachers. Oh yeah, you’d think they’d have enough of us during lessons but apparently they love us so much that they feel the need to have lunch in the dining hall like the rest of the students and eat off plastic plates.
Mel: Are they really that bad.
Martin: Oh yeah! Well, maybe not. Mr Wetherby is okay, I guess.
Mel: What’s he teach?
Martin: Chemistry. To be fair, the man is a genius. I managed to learn every single element in the periodic table. Really!
Mel: I don’t believe it.
Martin: Do you want me to prove it?
Mel: Go on then.
Martin: What’ll you give me if I do it?
Mel: What do you want?
Martin: How about a kiss?
Mel: Deal. Take it away, maestro.
Martin: There's antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium,
And hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium,
And nickel, neodymium, neptunium, germanium,
And iron, americium, ruthenium, uranium,
Europium, zirconium, lutetium, vanadium,
And lanthanum and osmium and astatine and radium,
And gold, protactinium and indium and gallium,
And iodine and thorium and thulium and thallium.
There's yttrium, ytterbium, actinium, rubidium,
And boron, gadolinium, niobium, iridium,
There's strontium and silicon and silver and samarium,
And bismuth, bromine, lithium, beryllium, and barium.
There's holmium and helium and hafnium and erbium,
And phosphorus and francium and fluorine and terbium,
And manganese and mercury, molybdenum, magnesium,
Dysprosium and scandium and cerium and cesium.
And lead, praseodymium and platinum, plutonium,
Palladium, promethium, potassium, polonium,
And tantalum, technetium, titanium, tellurium,
And cadmium and calcium and chromium and curium.
There's sulfur, californium and fermium, berkelium,
And also mendelevium, einsteinium, nobelium,
And argon, krypton, neon, radon, xenon, zinc and rhodium,
And chlorine, carbon, cobalt, copper, tungsten, tin and sodium.
These are the only ones of which the news has come to Oxford,
And there may be many others but they haven't been discovered.