We'll All Go Together When We Go

Davis is a gay satire song writer. Jack and Leanne are hopelessly in love. Martin has just broken up with Agnes. Mel is new and single and perfect for Martin. As Davis, Jack, Leanne, Martin and Mel enter year their final year of school, none of them expect World War Three to erupt around them. I should probably say that this is a satire musical and if you are easily offended then you should probably leave the internet now. The songs used were written by Tom Lehrer who is a genius. As I am British, I have adapted some of the U.S lyrics for U.K lyrics. I have also updated some of the songs to reflect the society we live in. I have included videos of the original songs at the end of each song.

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10. Scene 10

(Mel, Martin, Jack, Leanne and Davis are doing homework.)

Martin: Fuck this!

Jack: Thank god you said it. I thought I was the only one.

Mel: Oh come on, it’s not that hard.

Martin: Speak for yourself hard. I swear maths didn’t used to be this hard when I was a kid.

Mel: This is the new system. It’s designed so a child could do it. Look, it’s easy.

You can't take three from two,
Two is less than three,
So you look at the four in the tens place.
Now that's really four tens
So you make it three tens,
Regroup, and you change a ten to ten ones,
And you add 'em to the two and get twelve,
And you take away three, that's nine.
Is that clear?

Now instead of four in the tens place
You've got three,
'Cause you added one,
That is to say, ten, to the two,
But you can't take seven from three,
So you look in the hundreds place.

From the three you then use one
To make ten ones...
(And you know why four plus minus one
Plus ten is fourteen minus one?
'Cause addition is commutative, right!) 


Martin: And so you've got thirteen tens
And you take away seven,
And that leaves five...

Mel: Well, six actually...
But the idea is the important thing!

Now go back to the hundreds place,
You're left with two,
And you take away one from two,
And that leaves...?

Everybody get one?
Not bad for the first day!

Jack: Hooray for New Math,
New-hoo-hoo Math,
It won't do you a bit of good to review math.
It's so simple,
So very simple,
That only a child can do it!

Mel: Now, that actually is not the answer that Miss wants, because she  wants you to do it in base eight. But don't panic! Base eight is just like base ten really - if you're missing two fingers! Shall we have a go at it? Hang on...

You can't take three from two,
Two is less than three,
So you look at the four in the eights place.
Now that's really four eights,
So you make it three eights,
Regroup, and you change an eight to eight ones
And you add 'em to the two,
And you get one-two base eight,
Which is ten base ten,
And you take away three, that's seven.
Ok?

Now instead of four in the eights place
You've got three,
'Cause you added one,
That is to say, eight, to the two,
But you can't take seven from three,
So you look at the sixty-fours...

Leanne: Sixty-four? How did sixty-four get into it?

Mel: Well, sixty-four is eight squared, don't you see?

Jack: Well, ya ask a silly question, ya get a silly answer!

Mel: From the three, you then use one
To make eight ones,
You add those ones to the three,
And you get one-three base eight,
Or, in other words,
In base ten you have eleven,
And you take away seven,
And seven from eleven is four!
Now go back to the sixty-fours,
You're left with two,
And you take away one from two,
And that leaves?

Now, let's not always see the same hands!
One, that's right.

All: Hooray for New Math,
New-hoo-hoo Math!
It won't do you a bit of good to review math.
It's so simple,
So very simple,
That only a child can do it!

Come back tomorrow night we're gonna do fractions!

 

 

 

Davis: No! No, that is not funny. I cannot deal with anymore of this- this- whatever this shit is.

Leanne: What are we doing tomorrow?

Martin: We could go see the new Marvel movie?

Mel: Me and Leanne saw it last week.

Jack: You went without me!

Leanne: You cried at the last one!

Jack: I did not!

Leanne: Yes you did! You –

Martin: Okay! Not the cinema then.

David: What about  a picnic in the park?

Martin: The park?

Davis: Yeah! You know, get some fresh air. Do something out side.

Martin: I don’t know. Sound kind of boring.

Davis: Spring is here, spring is here
Life is skittles and life is beer
I think the loveliest time of the year
Is the spring, I do, don't you? Course you do
But there's one thing that makes spring complete for me
And makes every Sunday a treat for me

All the world seems in tune on a spring afternoon
When we're poisoning pigeons in the park

Mel: You what?

Davis: Every Sunday you'll see my sweetheart and me
As we poison the pigeons in the park

Martin: You don’t have a sweatheart.

Davis: Funny.
When they see us coming
The birdies all try and hide
But they still go for peanuts
When coated with cyanide

The sun's shining bright 
Everything seems all right
When we're poisoning pigeons in the park

We've gained notoriety
And caused much anxiety
In the Audobon Society
With our games
They call it impiety
And lack of propriety
And quite a variety of unpleasant names

But it's not against any religion
To want to dispose of a pigeon

So if Sunday you're free
Why don't you come with me
And we'll poison the pigeons in the park
And maybe we'll do in a squirrel or two
While we're poisoning pigeons in the park

We'll murder them amid laughter and merriment
Except for the few we take home to experiment

My pulse will be quickenin' 
With each drop of strychnine
We feed to a pigeon
It just takes a smidgin
To poison a pigeon in the park.

 

 

 

BLACK OUT

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