My Life

I see all around me happy people but yet i can't bring myself to be truly happy .


1. the truth

         I see all these happy people around me and i cant bring my self to be happy but the thing is the way i was brought up is that i can't be not upset or unhappy , only happy . Also i cant hold on to things or even stay mad at someone for something they did , for example my brother punches me and call's a bitch and they expect me not to be mad. I have to pretend i'm happy even tho i'm not . Most days i just stay in my room were i do whatever i want and talk to people online . I have gotten quieter , the last few years i used to have so much confidence but that's gone .  i have been bulled a lot in the last few  years. I kind dove have gave up on being happy at this point . In reality no gets a happy ever after that's only in movies .          


Most people think  being sad is a choose but its not at all . People can't just choose to be happy . Also people don't choose to be sad it just happens over time . If people could choose to be happy them would but life's not that simple and people don't understand that . If you really ask some one why there truly happy see what they have to say because people can pretend there happy ,also just because some one seems there happy doesn't mean they really are happy . 


        Most days i feel trapped like and  i can escape , i'm screaming and no one can hear me. I lost most emotion for thing i kind dove fake being okay half the time . I  just say " i'm fine" because they wouldn't understand. I feel like everything is moving so fast and i cant catch up . I feel like every things in slow motion and for ever one else its not i know that's not the best explanation .I have cut before i'm not proud of it but i have . I have been clean for the last few weeks now but it's getting hard . Most of my friends don't worry about me with the whole cutting thing i have never really told them . I promised my friend i wouldn't do it again , i couldn't keep that promise they don't know but they don't have to worry about me but i don't plan on cutting again 



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