It’s been a few days since Carol and I started talking again and things are fully back to normal. Really we shouldn’t have had to go through that in the first place, but I just had to get sensitive at one little comment. Something just happened in my mind when Carol raised her voice. It went back to my father yelling at me about something or other in the past and that tone of voice just triggered something in me. I’m hoping that never happens again because I can’t afford to lose her. She is one of few people that keep me sane in this world.
Seeing as it’s already 2:00 and I haven’t left my room yet, I should probably go down to the kitchen for some food. I woke up at noon but I’ve been lying in my bed for the past two hours getting updated on all of my social media. I also receive a few pictures of Addi from my sister. I’ll have to show everyone later. They love seeing pictures and videos of her. …Damn, I miss her.
Normally I would see her for Thanksgiving but really, I don’t think I have it in me to go back home yet even for a holiday. It’s been six months since I got out of that house and I’ve been so happy here, just Carol and my favorite guys in the world. Hopefully I can see her soon. Somehow.
I leave my room and go down the hallway and down the stairs, hearing Michael and Carol’s voices coming from the living room. I stop at the bottom of the stairs and listen, realizing they’re playing Minecraft. Because I’m just that nosy, I listen in.
“Are you wanting the red sandstone or the prismarine?” Michael asks her.
“I like both but if you want the moss stone we can do that too.” she answers.
“Carol. Pick one.” he says impatiently. They have probably been at this for a while knowing Carol’s stubbornness.
“But they‘re all soo pretty…” she argues.
“If you don‘t pick one I swear we are never building a house together again.” Michael threatens.
“You know I‘m indecisive!” Carol protests.
“Care bear. PICK ONE!” Michael shouts in playful frustration.
“What if we built it out of the red sandstone, but the corners of the house would be prismarine?” Carol proposes.
“Like just the corners? Why bother?” he questions.
“Shut up! Like all the way down, the entire edges of the house would be the prismarine.” she says. I can just see her trying to make him see her vision, gesturing with her hands.
“I‘m not sold. But we‘ll try it.” he returns.
“We‘re gonna need more sand. Is it my turn or yours?” she asks.
“Nice try Carol. It‘s definitely yours.” he retorts.
“But Mickey, that‘s like the most boring part of the creating process.” Carol whines.
“Tough. Get to gathering.” Michael says holding his ground.
“Please Mickey? I‘ll love you forever.” Carol says with puppy dog eyes practically in her voice. Will he fall for it? Probably.
“Damn you.” Knew it. He seems to be such a softie when it comes to her. If I want him to do something, forget about it. But it’s like he’s at Carol’s beck and call or something. He tries to fight it, but he can’t say no to her. I feel like he might like her but I can’t be sure just yet.
“Thank you!” Carol says. Alright I can’t stand here forever, I’m starving. Ever so quietly, I tip toe towards the kitchen archway but before I go in, I look over my shoulder at Carol and Mike, and I see something that I have never seen them do before. Carol is between Mike’s legs, but she is laying back against him with her head on his chest and his arms around her while he holds his controller. …Yeah they need to get together like now. They look adorable.
I get a big bowl of cereal and milk quickly from the cupboards and fridge and decide to take it up to my room instead of awkwardly sitting in the kitchen and hearing more of their conversing. I leave the kitchen and they are too wrapped up in the game to even notice me, so I don’t say anything and smile at them before I head up the stairs. I glance down the guys’ hallway and wonder what the other three guys are up to, or if they’re even here. Either way, I’ll see them later. Today I have a mission.
I am going through my entire room, every closet and drawer, looking through all my stuff and seeing what I want to keep and what I’m getting rid of. Plus I want to change my bedding and remake my bed. To most people this would be a very boring and work filled day that they would dread, but not me. I like going through and making sure that I only have what I want in my life, and nothing I don’t. The less baggage I have, the better. Plus who doesn’t love fresh sheets?
As usual, I go to Pandora on my phone to put on some background music as extra motivation. At this point Pandora knows me really well because it keeps going to Nickelback, Green Day, All-American Rejects, Good Charlotte, 3 Doors Down, and other bands of those sorts. Occasionally, an older song will come on by Frank Sinatra because one time I liked a song by him. I don’t mind it though. It’s a nice break from loud and fast songs.
Every time a song I know comes on, I practically stop what I’m doing to just sing along and get into it. I’m probably singing a little too loud but everyone should be used to it by now. I do this at least once every day. I’m in the middle of singing Move Along by All-American Rejects while making my bed, when Ashton’s singing is suddenly in my left ear. I jump scared to death. I didn’t hear him come in.
“Ashton! Don’t do that!” I exclaim turning around with my hand over my heart.
“What? Sing to you?” he asks innocently.
I playfully punch his arm. “Shut up. I mean, don’t sneak up on me when I’m singing. You scared me.” I clarify.
“But you have such a pretty voice. And you won’t sing in front of us, just in here. I wish you would.” Ashton complains.
“Well maybe one of these days I will. Now c’mon, I need to finish up in here before dinner.” I say gesturing to the door glancing at my clock. It’s already 4:30.
“You’ve been at this for a while. Take a break.” Move Along finishes, and we listen to hear what will come next. To Ashton’s delight, it’s an older one: Beyond the Sea by Frank Sinatra.
“Yes!” Ashton says taking my hands and swaying side to side to the beat. The words come in and he starts singing it knowing every word. He then takes me into a dancing position and dances me around the room, occasionally twirling me making me laugh. All the while, he is singing along beautifully and I can’t help but get entranced by his voice.
He sings, “Somewhere…beyond the shore, we’ll kiss, just as before. Happy we’ll be beyond the sea, and never again I’ll go sailin’.” and it is during that when he starts slowing down and looks down into my eyes, completely still by the end of the line. We look at each other still as the song continues in the background and I almost wonder if he is going to finally tell me how he feels.
He opens his mouth to speak. This is it. “…I should go. I need to do a phone interview soon. …See you downstairs for dinner?” he asks. I nod giving a small smile and he squeezes my hands slightly, returning it, before saying, “That was fun. Let’s do it again sometime.” and going out the door.
The door closes and I sigh. When will that boy tell me? Like I said about Carol and Michael, Ashton and I need to get together like now. But then again, I’m only almost certain that Ashton seriously likes me. Things like today reinforce it, but he and Bryana broke up not that long ago. Maybe he’s waiting a little longer to reassure me that I’m not his rebound and that his feelings are real. But hopefully he doesn’t wait too much longer. Someone else could take me before he does. …No that would never happen. I like that boy way too much.
My door swings open interrupting my thoughts and I see it’s Calum. “Hey do you know where Carol is?” he asks.
“In the living room with Michael probably. If not there, then in her room maybe. Why?” I return finishing up my bed.
“I’m going outside for a smoke and thought she might wanna join.” he says.
“Cal, you know she only smokes when she’s been drinking.” I remind him.
“Oh…right. I forgot about that. Well…thanks anyway.” he says.
“Sure thing.” I smile and he does too before closing the door again. Silly Calum.
I have noticed that whenever we’re all sitting around drinking and he goes outside to smoke, Carol almost always goes with him. They seem to have already gotten closer since the guys came back. Now that I think about it, Carol has some sort of bond with all of them. She likes Michael, Calum is a close friend to her and they seem to go to each other to talk about things a lot, and she has a musical connection with Luke and Ashton.
As far as me, I like Ashton obviously, Michael and I have the same close friendship Carol and Cal do, and Luke and I aren’t particularly close but we talk occasionally and watch How I Met Your Mother together, plus I don’t worry about him. It’s Calum who I worry about. I want to get close to him too, because I want to make sure that he knows he isn’t invisible. I want him to know there is another person he can go to with problems or just to have fun with. But the problem is I haven’t found a way to identify with him.
Whenever I’m around him, he acts perverted and thrusts towards me and grinds on me jokingly. I know there is a serious side to him but I haven’t seen it. I’ve been trying to hang out with him since the guys got back, thinking we could get closer if we spent some time alone together without the other guys around to influence him. But every time, he has had something else to do already. There has to be something that can bring us together. I guess I just haven’t found it yet. With that thought, I look around my straightened up, cleaned out room satisfied, and go downstairs to see what Carol has prepared for dinner.