Sparks Ignited

When Angela and Carol first met they never anticipated meeting 5 Seconds of Summer, let alone living with them. Together the girls find friendship and romance under a roof of secrets. When friendships are tested and feelings exposed, can the girls remain friends through it all?

*co-authored with a user not on this site*

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34. January 28th (Part 1) / Carol's POV

 

It can’t already be the day they leave. Why is it already the day they leave? I want the day to feel like any other. But even with all of us sitting at the breakfast table you can feel the change in the atmosphere. Everyone is aware of today and how we’re all just hours away from saying goodbye. There’s a finality about today and we’re all too silent because of it. The tension between Ash and Angela isn’t helping matters either. It’s not awkward, just saddening.


Cal is the first to break the silence.

“Girls, I figured I‘d let you all know. I‘ve already filled in the guys but I‘ll be taking a later flight.” he reveals, looking back and forth from the two of us. I can already feel the wide smile on my face. He’s leaving yes, but not as soon as the others and it’s a welcoming change.


Angela looks up from her plate long enough to ask,

“Not that I mind, it‘s nice to know we get to have you a bit longer, but how come?” staring across the table at him. He meets her gaze and I watch the rest of the guys smirk around the table. Mickey and Ash even let a few chuckles escape.

“I have some last minute shopping to do.” he says a bit sheepishly. Angela raises an eyebrow and I can’t help but ask,

“What could you possibly need here that you can‘t get in LA?” with the same puzzled expression. Then it dawns on me. Cal looks over at me just as I ask,

“You need a suit don‘t you?” in disbelief. The chuckles are a bit louder now and Angela groans in response.


“How could you possibly wait this long to get your suit? You knew this event was coming!” she scolds, letting out an exasperated sigh. He lets out a hearty laugh. The kind he’s famous for that shows his wide smile with dimples and all.

“I kept telling myself I had time. Then when we came back from holiday I forgot altogether.” he adds with soft giggles in between every word.

Slowly breakfast becomes less quiet after that. Once we all get done picking fun at Cal we make small talk. Packing, travel times and plans for the day are brought to light.


I haven’t spoken to Luke since the night he confessed his feelings toward me. There’s nothing that I’ve wanted to say to him besides calling him an asshole. But somehow I think it’ll make things worse than it will better. So I think maybe starting with his extremely well kept secret would be where I would start. I never really gave him a chance to explain and since he’s leaving, now’s a better time than ever to hear what he has to say.

As I sit in my room about an hour later I’m a little disappointed in myself. Here I am wasting time when I should be trying to patch things up with Luke. But I’m too scared of going in there and we don’t say anything. We just stand or sit in an awkward silence and the tension will just rise and rise. I wouldn’t even know how to start the conversation.

I still don’t know how I feel about Luke! Okay. That might be a lie. But, maybe it isn’t. Fuck! It’s so frustrating to know that he likes me. Why did he have to tell me that?! Why couldn’t he have kept it to himself? I mean, I enjoyed what we had. I hate thinking about this in past tense. We were so close as friends and since all my life I never had any guys friends, it was nice to know that I finally did. But then he ruined it all by confessing his feelings for me.

I can’t deny that towards the end I was questioning what we had. There were just things we did that couldn’t have been acceptable in friends. All the cuddling we did was definitely not a ‘friend’ thing. Especially considering how often we did it and the way we did it. Why did I enjoy it so much though?

At the time I guess it was because I was happy he enjoyed my friendship so much. It’s a bit naïve but it’s true. All my life has been me being shoved away or told to stay out of things. To know that he didn’t want me to and that he enjoyed being around me, made me feel loved. Something I’m not used to when it comes to friends.

As I sit here and think of him and I together, I can’t see it. The kissing, the dates; non-existent. To share your life with someone else there has to be a chemistry. At least there should be. I could feel it with Mickey. But I never could with Luke. At least not as intensely as with Michael. I don’t even have an attraction to him physically! Everyone who sees him instantly melts. I see the qualities that make him attractive but they aren’t what’s attractive to me.

For me it always has been Mickey. I’m beyond flattered that Luke thinks he has feelings for me. But I can’t return them. I don’t think I ever will. I would have to see him in an entirely new perspective or suddenly wake up with a different heart, to feel what he feels.

I only hope that when I tell him, it won’t make him hate me. I’d hate to think that something that can’t be avoided or altered could easily change our beautiful friendship. I think that’s another reason holding me back from going to him. I can’t hide forever though. They leave today.


With a knot in my stomach and shaking hands, I make my way over to his room. I swallow before going to knock on his door.

“Carol?” I hear Luke ask behind me. His voice increases slightly in volume as he walks over to his door.

“What‘re you doing?” he asks, walking past me with a water bottle in hand. I watch him open his door and start to close it behind him, but something stops him. He sighs, looking up at me expectantly.


“If I help pack, do you have time to talk?” I ask, feeling like a child. He chews on his lip for a moment and stares at the floor. As though he were considering his options before opening his door wider to let me in. I try to not let that sting and walk in clearing my throat.


I immediately grab a pair of folded skinny jeans and tuck them inside a tightly packed suitcase.

“What did you want to talk about?” he asks, folding a shirt halfway and stuffing it inside the same case.

“I think it‘d be best if we start with you and Arzaylea.” I admit. Still not looking up at him.

“So now you choose to listen? When we‘re supposed to leave? Great timing.” he says sarcastically. I ignore it and refrain from getting pissed and crying.


We stand in silence for a moment still throwing clothes inside the case. After what seems like an eternity he sighs loudly and says,

“We went out a few times. I kept in touch not really looking for anything at the time. She‘s good company and when we came home I figured maybe we could start something. But-” he stops. His hands lay on top of a pile of clothes in his case. I look up to see him staring at the lid intently. There’s nothing there so I figured it was him being lost in thought.

“But?” I push. He looks over at me after a minute and then looks down at our hands in the case.

“But then we started connecting.” he shares. I think over the first month or so of them being home after their tour. I had honestly tried to create a friendship with Luke and at the time I thought he was looking for one too.


“We‘d still talk but by then I wasn‘t interested in her anymore. The more I hung out with you or was around you, the more I realized we had more in common than Arzaylea and I ever could.” he continues, looking down at my face. I stare intently at his not sure how to respond to this.

“I realized I no longer wanted her. I wanted you.” why did my heart just drop to my stomach? I take a deep breath and exhale through my nose as he chews on his lip.


God all of this seems so ludicrous! Luke can’t possibly like me. There’s no way.

“Okay, you‘re really going to have to break it down for me. Walk me through this. When did you decide that you all of a sudden have feelings for me?” I ask, my confusion and frustration taking over. He stares at me bewildered.

“Why are you saying it like that? Like it came out of nowhere?” he asks, slightly offended.

“Because it fucking did!” I shout. A look of annoyance spreads across his face and he goes back to packing. Why are things never easy?

“I‘m sorry. But this is all pretty sudden to me. I didn‘t think there was an us.” I admit. He stops during mid fold and stares at me blankly.

“How could there not be an us, Carol?” he asks, his tone growing harsher with every word.

“Because we were just goofing off! Or at least I thought we were!” I shout, annoyed that he never saw what I did. He scoffs and shoves his shirt inside, breaking our stare again.



“Look, I‘m sorry.” I seem to be saying that a lot.

“I am. But I just never saw an us. Where you saw flirting and connecting, I saw goofing off and a close friendship.” I admit. Sighing I begin to help packing again. In my peripheral view I see him turn slightly to look at me.

“You can‘t be serious.” he says in disbelief.

“I am.” I say, turning to face him again. We stare at one another for a moment and I see the devastated look in his eyes. It lasts for a fraction of a second before he turns away and a blank look replaces it.


“Luke, I never thought this would be an issue for us. Mainly because I never anticipated you having feelings for me. I mean look at you and then look at me. You can have anyone you want and yet you say you want me. This blows my fucking mind.” I admit. Reaching out to grab his arm only to pull back at the last second.

“When we first met I didn‘t expect to like you any more than a friend either, Carol.” he says, closing up the one suitcase and struggling to do so.

“So then what changed?” I ask, genuinely curious. He’s silent for a moment as he tries to zipper up the bag. I sigh and push my way toward the bag, pressing the last few pieces of fabric sticking out, back in. He closes it and we share another look.

“It was the night you opened up to me. When you told me about your insecurities with yourself. Something about seeing you that way and knowing that it meant so much to you for me to be there, made it different. I saw that I wanted to always be there. Whether you were at your highest or your lowest I wanted to be a part of it.” he says with his hand brushing against mine.


“I‘ve never dated anyone like you before. But that was what made you so different from everyone else. I enjoyed envisioning myself with you. Seeing a possible future together. I enjoyed seeing a relationship where the person I was with didn’t want to be with me, just because of who I am. I guess I was the only one who saw it that way.” he answers with a soft voice. I watch him walk away and take a big swig from the water bottle he brought in.

“Luke, just because I don‘t feel the same doesn‘t mean we have to part. Blondie, we can still be-” I start, but he turns and cuts me off.

“Don‘t say it. Don‘t fucking say it. Do you honestly think after everything I just spilled and what we‘ve shared, I can look at you as a friend?” he says with a bite to his tone. I swallow down the lump in my throat.

“Blondie, I still love you as my best friend. Can‘t we at least try to stay fr-” I continue with a quiver in my voice, only to receive a glare from him.

“Like you tried to see us as more than friends? Forget it. If you didn‘t see fit in trying to see something more in us, why should I bother trying to see you as just a friend?” He asks, with his tone low and gruff.


It’s so hard to keep myself composed right now. He’s not being fair and I’m going to lose one of my best friends because of it.

“I‘ve gotta shower. I‘ll see you when we leave.” he says, walking off and out the door. He closes it behind him and it’s then that I crack.

 

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