Sparks Ignited

When Angela and Carol first met they never anticipated meeting 5 Seconds of Summer, let alone living with them. Together the girls find friendship and romance under a roof of secrets. When friendships are tested and feelings exposed, can the girls remain friends through it all?

*co-authored with a user not on this site*

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16. December 13th & 17th, 2015/ Carol's POV

The day started off like any other. The only difference between today and any other is that the guys had sprung a surprise dinner on us girls. This was their last weekend before leaving for home for the holidays. So as one last hurrah we were all supposed to get dressed -apparently onesies were not appropriate attire- and meet them downstairs. They also reminded us that there’s always paparazzi and fans so if we didn’t want a picture of us looking crappy, we should try to look decent.

I’ve been staring at my reflection in the mirror for the past twenty minutes. No matter what outfit I try on, or hairstyle I try out I just can’t feel pretty. Today was a bad day. Today I felt very ugly and the more I stare at my reflection, the more I see all the flaws I have to live with. Flaws I know people see and judge me based off them.


There’s a knock on my door and when it opens I see Luke peek his head in.

“Hey, you coming?” he asks staring at me from around the door. With a sigh I shake my head and look back at my reflection again. He closes the door and sits on the edge of my bed.

“What‘s up? You look ready.” he wonders, staring up at the back of my head. I watch him in the mirror and wonder if I should tell him.


With a bite of my lip I let out a long sigh and look down at my feet. I feel so vulnerable and I’m afraid if I tell him my reasoning for not wanting to go downstairs, he’ll simply laugh it off and try to convince me I’m just PMS-ing. How do you explain to someone who’s famous that you feel ugly? Especially surrounded by him and his friends who are all incredibly good looking.


“Carol? You okay?” he asks from right behind me. I look up to see he’s gotten up from the bed and is staring at my reflection in the mirror from over my shoulder. With him standing here I stare at us in the mirror and I look so out of place with him. To answer his question I shake my head and look at myself once more. He must see the sorrowful look in my eyes because he asks,

“What‘s going on?” I swallow the lump of fear in my throat and decide to tell him.


Staring at his face in the mirror I say,

“I don‘t want to go.” His eyebrows furrow in confusion.

“Is that all? Carol, if you‘re too nervous you don‘t have to go out with us. It‘s alright.” he says with a small smile. I shake my head in response.

“It‘s not that. It‘s not because I‘m nervous or scared or any of those things. I don‘t want to go because I feel ugly.” I tell him with a slight quiver to my voice.


Looking away from him I swallow the lump in my throat and try to fight back the tears. His arms wrap around my chest from behind, engulfing me in a hug as his chin rests on my shoulder.

“No matter what I wear I still feel ugly. I mean look at me. Really look at me Luke.” I say staring him in the eyes again through the mirror.

“My hair, which is normally one of my favorite things about myself is really fucking flat today. No matter what I do with it I can‘t see the curls or waves I was born with. Or my arms. Look at my arms. As much as I hate to say it I swear my arms are bigger than yours. They shouldn‘t be that way. No girl who looks like that is beautiful in today‘s society.” I admit with a quick intake of breath.


My tears were getting harder to suppress and as much as I hated admitting all of this, it felt so good getting it out. My breaths had turned into pants from the sadness coming through, and even though Luke had stopped looking at me I continued. Staring at his forehead while his lips rest on my shoulder I reach up and grab his arms still holding me. Part of me is glad he’s here mainly because out of everyone I feel like Luke is the only one who’ll understand.


“My stomach is the only thing I see. I swear it‘s like everyday it gets bigger and no matter what I do I can‘t get rid of it. I‘ve tried exercising before but nothing sheds. My thighs are just as big. It‘s always hard for me to look at myself in jeans. They‘re the only thing I see. I hate them. I hate everything. I hate me.” I say with a crack in my voice and I just break. My blood shot eyes close and the tears fall. Everything I had been holding in comes pouring out of me and Luke’s grip around me tightens. My hands squeeze his arms tighter before he lets go and turns me so we can hug.

The side of my head rests against his chest and I continue to cry as he holds me tight. I never wanted to cry in front of any of them and here I am embarrassing myself. If I would’ve kept my mouth shut we wouldn’t be here. If I had just explained I needed a few more minutes I could’ve kept him in the dark, and we’d already be at the restaurant. Instead I’m here making a fool out of myself, because my insecurities got the best of me.


“Carol.” Luke breathes into my hair. I shake my head without leaving his chest. He forces me to turn around and face the mirror again. With his head next to mine, he holds tightly onto my arms and staring at our reflection he says,

“Look at you.” I shake my head and almost cry even harder. The last thing I want to do is look at myself. Especially after all the crying I’ve just done, my entire face is blotched an ugly red color from the tears and our bodies being pressed together.

“Stop. Just look at you okay?” Biting my trembling lip, I stare at my face. I see all the flaws from earlier.


“Do you know what I see?” he asks next to my ear. I shake my head with my hands shaking.

“I see the same beautiful girl I met for the first time in Chicago. The curvy, tanned and incredibly sweet girl who loved my band and my friends. You‘re still the same sweet, funny, caring and beautiful girl I met then. Nothing about you is imperfect because you‘re the exact definition of perfection. I know days like today are hard. The days where you don‘t want to leave the house because inside something says you aren‘t enough. But I‘m telling you that you are. Carol, you are beautiful.” he says with a small smile. I look over at his face and kiss his cheek. With short quick intakes of breath I can feel the sadness fade away.

With my eyes closed I feel his left arm wrap around my chest, and his right hand hold my head in place as he kisses my left temple. I smile for the first time in front of this mirror and know that whenever I stand in front of it in the future, his words will swim around me. We stare at each other one last time in the mirror together before I fix my face and together we walk downstairs. Our hands hold each other as we descend the steps and leave the house to start the night.
 


Today was the day all the guys left for home for the holidays. Everyone was rushing around the house trying to make sure nothing was forgotten. While I’ve been wallowing in my room trying to convince myself this was happening. Truthfully I wasn’t ready for them to leave just yet. I knew once it got closer to the actual holidays that Angela and I would be celebrating it with our families. But they were leaving, and especially after the bond Luke and I have created recently, I’m not going to lie when I say it hurts.

I’m laying in bed fully dressed expecting to leave right when they do, simply because I don’t want to be here when they’re gone. I understand I wouldn’t be alone and I get that they have to leave but it doesn’t make it any easier. But I realize that even with me just laying here that life is happening around me. Like I know that Michael and Luke are in the hallway arguing over who had the window seat last time. Just like I know that Angela is down the hall helping Cal stay organized because he can’t on his own.

But it’s not until I hear Luke’s door slam that I get up. I can feel myself walk across the room and open my door. Looking to my left I see Michael enter his room at the end of the hall. Sighing I march over toward Luke’s door and knock lightly. Almost immediately afterward I regret doing so.


He opens the door and looks me over with a puzzled expression.

“Carol? What‘s wrong?” he asks, opening his door wider to let me in. Hesitantly I walk in and see his practically empty room. My chest tightens and I have to clench my fists to keep from crying out.

“I came to help.” I answer softly. Turning to look at him I can tell he doesn’t buy it but nods anyway. He offers me a shirt and I begin to fold it.

“Do you have everything?” I ask, genuinely curious. I stare intently at his black band shirt and run my hand over the white letters. Gently I tuck it into his suitcase and feel his hand on my shoulder.

“You sure you‘re alright?” he wonders again. I’m so close to breaking at this point.


My arms wrap around him and I hug him tightly. He sets the skinny jeans he had in his hands down and wraps himself around me.

“We‘re coming back, Carol. It‘s not like you‘ll never see us again. So what‘s wrong?” he asks for a third time. Swallowing the lump in my throat repeatedly I take a deep breath to compose myself.

“I think I‘m afraid without you here, I won‘t have anyone to keep the voices at bay.” I answer honestly.

“Don‘t be silly. Even though I‘ll be miles away all it takes is a phone call to get me back. Not just that, you also have Angela here who loves you just as much as the rest of us. She‘ll be there when we can‘t be.” he says softly next to my ear. I nod into his chest and hear his heartbeat clearly. Strong, slow and continuous.

“Promise?” I ask with a slight quaver. He chuckles softly into my hair and I can hear the smile in his tone when he says,

“Promise.” squeezing me into a tighter hug. With a small smile I curl into him more and lift my head up to look at him.


He’s got a small smile on his face before it falls slowly.

“I‘m gonna miss you too, Carol.” He lets out a long sigh and I feel his head rest on mine.

“If this wasn‘t the only time I get to see my family, I probably wouldn‘t leave.” I hear him say as his grip loosens. I’m soon engulfed by his entire body and my face is pressed tightly to his chest.

“Don‘t forget to call me to just check up, okay? Texting is nice but hearing your voice is even nicer.” he continues, running his hand up and down my spine. I nod in response and dig my fingers into his shoulders.

“I love you best friend.” I say with a sigh. He chuckles softly and I smile in response as he says,

“I love you too best friend.” before letting me go. He kisses the top of my head saying,

“Now go on. I gotta finish packing.” in a thick Aussie accent and with a smirk. Smiling in response I hug him once more before leaving his room with a wide smile.


I’m walking toward my room when I hear,

“Hey care bear, wait up.” almost directly behind me. I turn to see Michael grabbing the elbow of my shirt.

“Got a minute?” he asks, with a small smile. My smile beams up at him as I nod in response and ask,

“What‘s up, Mickey?” A soft chuckle escapes him. His eyes wander to the floor like an embarrassed child and I notice his hand still hasn’t left my elbow.


I’m still staring at Michael when I notice Angela and Ash are walking up the stairs; her giggles divert my full attention to them. Ash has his arm around her neck and gives her a temple kiss when they reach the landing. I read the shocked expression on her face before it turns into a sheepish grin. She looks my way with a smile and after she sees Mickey, it turns to a smirk. I roll my eyes and smile in response as the two turn down the hallway toward his room.

“Can we talk? In my room?” Michael asks softly. With the same smile I nod in response and feel his hand slide down my forearm and hold my hand. I bring my lips in and try to stifle the wide grin that wants to come out. Michael hardly ever holds my hand, but almost every time he does it sends butterflies through me. His hand is wrapped around mine and I can’t help but run my thumb along the top of his hand. I sneak a peek at his face and notice he’s completely unfazed and seems to be lost in thought. I try to hide the disappointment in my face by looking down at the floor. Only to realize we’re already at his room.

We enter it together and I start to walk toward his bed, letting go of his hand. Almost instantly his hand finds mine again only this time he intertwines our fingers. I turn to face him and see he’s already looking at me. His thumb makes small circles on my palm and I smile in response. The door’s been closed by his back as he leans against it and I find myself drifting closer to him.


“Mickey, what‘s going on?” I ask with a smirk. He looks down at our intertwined fingers and stares intently for a minute, as though he’s contemplating something. I look down at our hands, feeling and seeing him tightening and loosening his grip. I stare with a puzzled face and smile at his child like behavior. Without warning I’m pulled into him and his grip loosens as he wraps his arms around me.


“God care bear, I wish you were coming with. I‘m gonna miss you like hell.” he says next to my ear with an even thicker Aussie accent than Luke. I hear him breathe in deeply in the crook of my neck. I hold him close, resting my head just under his chin as I rub my thumbs back and forth along his lower back.

“You sure you guys can‘t come with us?” he asks with a breathy laugh. I smile in response balling my hands in fists at his spine.

“They have a name for that Michael. Normally girls who visit with guys and their family on holidays are together. Like, together, together.” I tease, hearing him laugh in response.

“I know. But it would still be nice. You kinda keep me grounded and even though visiting with my family is going to be so nice, it won‘t be the same without you there.” he says, gripping me tighter.


My hands release and I bring them up toward his shoulder blades.

“I‘m going to miss you too, Mickey. It‘s going to be hard not having you around when I want you. You‘re my best friend and I love you.” I say, meaning it more than he must know. I feel his hands dig into my back and pull me closer still to him. It’s getting harder to breathe but I can still smell his sweat and deodorant. This smell would be something I’d miss even more.


“I can call right? You won‘t mind picking up the phone at random ass hours?” he asks in a muffled voice with his face in my neck. I shake my head lightly saying,

“Please call. You know me, I‘m up all hours of the night anyway.” teasingly. He laughs and his breath tickles coming out. I smile in response trying to stifle the giggling I want to do. He breathes me in once more before letting go. I sigh once we’re apart and bring my hand up to cup his cheek. I run my thumb along it with a smile before dropping it. His hand grips onto it and he looks to the floor again.


“Want help packing?” I ask, looking for his face. His head rises and a there’s a miserable look on his face. He shakes his head before saying,

“No, I‘m almost done.” admittedly. I nod in agreement and give him one final hug asking,

“See you downstairs in ten?” He nods into my shoulder. I start to let go and he pulls me closer to him. Leaning the bridge of my nose against his shoulder I hold him once more. We stay like that for a moment, just listening to the other’s breathing and holding each other close. Then he clears his throat and with a swift goodbye I’m basically thrown in the hallway.
 


Fifteen minutes later Angela and I are standing in front of the open door, surrounded by suitcases. We watch as the guys throw on their shoes and coats. They’re paparazzi ready with their hair and outfits looking on point. There’s two taxis ready for them outside to take them to the airport. Angela and I share a glance and I know she must see my false smile drop almost instantly.


“Alright girls. This is it.” Ash says, handing the taxi driver his luggage.

“Time for the goodbyes.” he says with a smile.

“We‘ll be back before you can miss us.” Cal pipes in, giving me a hug as Ashton engulfs Angela in a bear hug.

“Try not to drive each other crazy, okay munchkin?” Ash states with a giggle to Angela. She smirks in response saying,

“I can‘t make any promises. Especially living with this one.” with a smirk. I roll my eyes in response and open my arms to give Luke a hug.


He’s warm and freshly showered. His hair is still slightly damp and all I can smell is him; his shampoo, deodorant, everything. We hold on to each other softly as we both breathe in deeply and I have to remind myself not to cry. I feel his cold lip ring rub against my neck as he whispers,

“Call, okay?” by my ear. I nod slightly in response before he lets go and moves to my right to hug Angela.


Ash steps to the side to give me a hug and I pat him lightly on the back. Squeezing momentarily before he lets go and giggles.

“Be good you two. I don‘t want to come back and find the same scene we walked in on a month ago.” he teases. I smile and nod before he hugs me lightly once more and releases me.


I watch Cal squeeze Angela tightly beside me. His arm muscles tighten making them pop all the more and I think I see Angela bury her face in his neck. Luke and Ash walk out and enter the first cab together, lingering on the open car doors. Sighing, I watch Mickey fix his earring through the mirror and walk behind him.

He sees my reflection and smiles at me. I return it and watch him turn around, wrapping his arms around my lower back. Mine flock to around his neck just in time for him to lift me slightly off the ground.

“Mickey!” I squeal into his neck, holding onto him for dear life. He laughs and buries his face in my neck as he sets me down. He makes that stupidly adorable high pitched groaning noise before releasing me. I smile at him and jerk back when his face inches toward mine. He holds my head in place as he kisses my cheek and I can’t help but blush with my mouth slightly parted.


Clearing his throat he walks toward Angela just as Cal and her part. They say their goodbyes giving each other a solid hug. I can’t help but smirk over the fact I’m the only one who got a peck on the cheek from Mickey. Cal fixes his hair and as him and Michael walk out the door we hear Mickey ask,

“Hey Calum, can I use your shoulder as a pillow on the drive there? I‘m tired.” nice and loud. Cal shakes his head in response as they open their doors saying,

“I‘m going to pretend you didn‘t just ask that.” with clear annoyance in his voice. The four wave their goodbyes and Angela and I watch them drive off until they’re gone completely. Together we close the door and I hear her ask,

“So, what do we do now?” with obvious confusion.

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