Warnings: CAN BE VERY VERY TRIGGERING. Depression, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt, No crappy "love fixes everything" ending.
Scenario - You are questioning your existence until your best friend comes and reminds you why life is so amazing. (I knew. I'm going deep)
It had been a while since you had talked to anyone. During the summer you seemed to just shut everyone out, as your depression worsened. Your only bestfriend was off on a world tour, he had long since forgotten about you. Sure, you tried to make new friends, but once your best friend and protector left everyone began to torment you. You books seemed to know how to be scattered along the floor better than staying in your hands when someone pushed you. Your knees and thighs were perpetually bruised from falling on them so hard after being smacked around. Your excuses to your mother were constant and bland.
"I really am just a clumsy mess."
"My shoes aren't worn in yet so they keep tripping me up"
"I seem to only navigate myself into walls everytime I walk and text"
Your mom sensed something was up, but with her work schedule mixed with her dating schedule she hardly had enough time to take care of herself, let alone you.
Today had been different. It had been worse. The bullies at your school had stolen your clothes during gym, then scattered your belongings all around the school. Then, while you were at lunch (eating it in a bathroom stall, obviously) they spray painted "Go Die, Cunt" on your locker. When you opened it tons of sticky glitter and slime poured out onto you. And when you tried to run out of the school, a group of girls blocked the door and pushed you around in a circle. Your hair was pulled, eyes poked, ribs jabbed, and arms grabbed. My the time you managed to get home (thanks to a very very late teacher yelling at the group to disperse) you were a mess of glitter, slime, tears, and even blood.
Your mother hadn't even noticed your misery when she called to you from the kitchen.
"Y/N, hun, I've got a date tonight! He wants me to meet him there though so I'm taking the back door. Don't burn the house down! Toodles!"
This was your breaking point. You had been through it all and you couldn't stand this misery anymore. It was decided then that after you cleaned up and made everything perfect, you would end the pain tonight.
I was currently at the airport. I had just touched down and I was ready to finally be home, and to finally talk to Y/n! I'm sure she assumed I had forgotten about her, but I never could. Reaching out to her was just so difficult for me. I had loved Y/N for quite sometime and now that I am practically famous, I can finally gather up the confidence to tell him.
After I grabbed my luggage I said bye to the boys and told them I would meet them at the dorms later. I wanted to go straight to see, Y/N.
I really really loved her. I just hoped I wasn't too late for her to love me back. I don't know what I would do if I found out she moved on.
You had finally finished cleaning. Your bed was made, a note written and taped on the fridge. You had even gone as far to organize the pill cabinet and clean the bath tub. Even though everything was done, you sat on your bed still frozen. You played with the pill bottle in your hand. The more you looked at it, the scarier and more unforgiving it seemed. The room was cold, your hands were shaking and you felt like your head was screaming at you.
You then twisted the cap bottle. And twisted. And pulled.
It was stuck.
You had planned everything out perfectly and now the cap was stuck. You kept trying to take the cap off with harsh tugs. Your hands were cramped and red and frustrated sobs overtook you.
"Why won't the fucking cap just come off! Just come off!"
You were sobbing so hard your entire body shook as you tried one more time to take off the cap. You hadn't even noticed the sound of the front door opening or the person walking around in the kitchen calling your name. You didn't notice him stomping over to the fridge reading your note and then running up the stairs loudly.
You didn't notice because you finally got the bottle open. You looked at the now open bottle, full of pills and cried even harder. Because now...now you could do it. Now you could just stop everything.
Right as you were about to pour the pills into your hand, your bedroom door banged open, causing the pills to fall and scatter onto the floor. There stood Namjoon. Or "Rap Monster" as his fans called him now.
You cursed at him. You yelled at him as sobs overtook you again and you tried your best to collect the pills. Before you could pick any up Namjoon was there, next to you. He picked you up into his arms and pulled you away from your now ruined death attempt.
"Why?! Why, Namjoon! Why couldn't you let me die?!" You yelled at him and hit him with soft fists.
Your voice eventually faded into a whisper, "I just wanted to die, Namjoon. I didn't want the pain."
Namjoon had carried you all the way to his car. He sat you in the front seat and buckled you in.
"We are going to the hospital, Y/N. And you are going to get help. Because I am not a knight in shining armor that is going to magically take your pain away. Life doesn't work like that. No. In life you have to deal with your problems and while love helps, love does not fix depression. So I am going to take you to the hospital. And you are going to be on suicide watch. But I am not going to leave your side until my happy, loving, jagi comes back. Okay?"
You just nodded at him and looked straight ahead. Namjoon quickly took you to the hospital and while the nurses took care of you, he sat and waited. When they finally pulled you into a private room, right before they could, you looked back at Namjoon.
He smiled his cutesy 'it's gonna be okay smile' and mouthed one thing to you...
I love you.
gifs are not mine