It beats

Have you ever asked yourself who do you want to be in the future? Gilroy has wanted to answer this question sincerely for most of her life, but her own judgement has always impeded her from doing so. "Conquer his heart, conquer what is ours by right”. She´ll have to face her own decissions, and choose between love or duty, manipulated by the master minds who ruined her. Did they really, or did she do that to herself? Will her heart beat for the first time?

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1. More than a Peasant

 

“In the future who do you want to be?” the loud voice coming from the speakers at each corner of the room resonated in our minds, or at least it did in mine. I had no time to think of an answer, although I wasn’t supposed to. I had been trained to learn it, to live by it, and taught to respect it however strong my heart had opposed to do so.

 

“What is your aim?” this time I replied before even processing the question in matter. My body responded better to the training than my conscience did. The room seemed to shake abruptly in response to the answer every young girl found in the room had shouted at the top of their lungs; “conquer his heart, conquer what is ours by right”. Although my voice did join them this time, I did not think of us as a unity. We may have all had the same aim, but that did not mean we were a team. Our voices, like the rest of our bodies indicated quite the contrary, as we had all been heavily transfixed in completing our purpose and unaware of the manipulation our own lives and persons had suffered; we were ignorant to it mostly, but heavily, in my heart I know I choose to ignore it, overview it.

 

~

 

“Miss, are you feeling alright?” - the deep husky voice woke me up from my day dreaming, almost as if the dark and heavy blanket surrounding me had been lifted by such a simple action, as his short, but filled with concern words.

 

The moment I heard that voice my senses sharpened involuntarily. I had to remind myself to follow the protocol, and remain calm. As I lifted my head from the set point of view I had been staring at for over 10 minutes, I overlooked the fact that were standing in the middle of the clustered street, by which the servants from the castle arrived and went as they attended royalty. I strategically adapted to the situation, by fulfilling the character I was supposed to act as, also refraining myself from acting as I wanted to, spontaneously. I knew what I wanted, and that was to find my true love, but the cruel world had certainly planned against it. If I was unsuccessful, then someone else would be the one to bring the prize home: though I couldn´t allow myself to even consider I would fail, as that would result in the end of my mere existence.

 

“Oh, yes kind sir. I am terribly sorry if I, in any way inconvenienced you” – I used a sweet tone, aware of the presence of his guards, which anxiously awaited their prince to stop whatever conversation he was meaning to start with me. I was surprised by how well I had learned to mask my feelings under my tone and I knew, that if I wanted another chance to talk to him I’d have to show myself as a vulnerable young girl, a prey almost, unaware of the presence of the humongous hunters. In a way I was screaming for their help silently, and none of them could even detect my cry for help. My own desperation to end the terrible task set upon me. Some may have argued that, that was the key to their reliance on me, as the desperation that I projected was not fake, but a deeper wound hidden under false pretenses.

 

To my reply one of the guards, a handsome one, if I must add with short golden hair chuckled under his breath, just loud enough for me to become aware. What right had he to find this funny? A young girl, in need of help, and standing small in the centre of all the judgemental looks received from all those men. I had never been shown how to react to others behaviour towards me, as my main focus had always been the prince. However, I found this an advantage, I clearly had been acting well enough to make them believe I was helpless. In the time I took analysing my surroundings the prince meditated silently, showing no detectable motion to others, but me or so I thought.

 

His minimal shaking of the neck suggested his doubts, and his wandering eyes down my body only fed my ego. He found me satisfyingly attractive to say the least, but then again when he bit his lower lip I knew for sure he would not offer me help that hot summer night, but I had caused an impression good enough to continue on with the plan shortly. He was too protected for me to approach in a seductive way, and so my best option was to make me as memorable as possible in any kind of way. I had not enough time to show him part of my surprisingly over- intellectual qualities and so my only choice was to enchant him physically. I then stood up straight, only causing my dress to enhance my curves even more, and as a result I observed all the guards seemed slightly deluded with their wild fantasies about my body, but it was only him I wanted to impress, so I recurred to the next part of the plan and spoke as I did so.

 

“I am awfully sorry, as to any precious time I have stolen off you sir” – as I concluded I bowed gracefully, and revealed my hidden hair and face under the protection of the cloak I was wearing. I knew he’d be stunned, and rightfully so, as my hair was smooth and run long and wild, the colour of purple grapes. It was natural, apparently something hereditary in my family, but as I had never met anyone from my family I had never been quite sure. My eyes, I had been told had a sparkle of purple as well towards the iris, and my eyelashes were long and black. My cheeks could cut glass and were slightly emphasised with a natural rosy blush. Overall I was stunning, that was one of the reasons I was chosen to “conquer his heart, conquer what is ours by right”.

 

As expected all their hearts started beating faster and louder, so loud that they were like drums right next to my delicate ears. The most notorious of all the guards, almost a giant compared to anyone softened his stare, and one by one they almost seemed to drop to the floors, begging for my attention. I was in control, and I liked it. The prince was almost paralyzed, he did not approach me with the purpose of meeting a beautiful girl, and he expected a peasant to be hidden under the cloak. I might have been considered a peasant, as I had no noble title, but I certainly was more than that. He was uncomfortable, due to him being in the wrong, as to my appearance and so was indisposed by my beauty. He had not spoken, but I understood this was what I was looking for, and with that achieved I had to lay as low as I was allowed to.

 

I did not say good bye, but instead I turned around facing the other direction and started walking that way, as I had a horse waiting for me just around the corner of the wooden house where I was heading at. I felt their stare piercing the back of my head, but didn’t hear them mutter a single word.

 

The horse awaiting me was a good breed, and stood tall before me. To any other girl or woman he might have been intimidating, but he was my horse and I felt secure riding him. His eyes always observant, almost spying on me. A beautiful creature, dangerous, yet non-feared by the rest. Once again only I was aware of the danger.

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