The noise from the bin men woke Margaret Storey up at seven o’clock every Wednesday she nudged her husband Alan up to go to work.
“Give me five more minutes will yer I’m tired.’
“You know who’s fault that is then don’t you?’ if you hadn’t gone out to the bloody Redburn pub then you wouldn’t be tired would you.’
For Christ sake woman give it a bloody rest will yer.’ Do yer have to keep nagging me mornin’ noon and night.’
“Give my ears a rest will yer.’
“No I bloody well won’t, so get your lazy arse oot of my bed and get yersel ready for work.’ You only worked three days last week; it’s a wonders that gaffer of yours hasn’t sacked you for bad time keeping.’
Alan sat over the edge of the bed scratching his head with one hand and his testicals with the other.
“Do you want a cup of tea he finally said as he got up and scratched his arse in his white Y fronts.’
“Aye but wash you sodden’ hands first will you.’ and change those bloody underpants will yer they bloody stink. I think you’ve worn those three days off the trot.’
“Whey you haven’t been to the Laundrette this week have yer.’ Alan threw two tea bags into the mugs on the bench that hadn’t been washed from the night before the brown stained mugs had tea stains on the outside too but he poured the boiling water in from the kettle then went into the fridge and took out a bottle of milk that was on the turn the cream on the top had begun to curdle and he still poured it in and added three sugars. The milk solids floated to the top of each mug and he scooped them out with a spoon before shouting for his wife.’
“What’s for breakfast?’
“Shit wi sugar on what do yer think.’
“Don’t tell me that yer haven’t been oot shoppin again.’
“Well yee try gannin.’t’ work full time and then doin’ aal the cleanin’ in here.’
There’s never enough time in the day for all I’ve got to do in here.’
Alan looked in the bread bin and found two crusts of bread he turned on the grill and pushed them under the toaster then looked for some margarine. There was none; he did find the remnants from a jar of Sunpat peanut butter and used a spoon to scrape out enough to put on the crusts of bread.
“Looks like chips again tonight there’s nowt in.’
“Think yersel lucky some blokes haven’t even got enough for a bag of chips.’
What the hell do you spend aal my money on like; I mean I give you enough to get the shoppin’ in.’
“Don’t you come that one wi me Alan Storey; who’s been oot three times this week on the beer sixty pounds does gan far when yer gan oot every night and piss the money up the wall.
“Whey there’s nowt else to do he shouted.’
There’s loads of bloody jobs yer could be getting’ on wi Alan yer just a lazy bastard. This hoose hasn’t been decorated in nearly ten year. “Look at the state of it.
And the garden is like a jungle oot there an aal. The bloody neighbours will be complaining shortly.’
Alreet man I will gan oot at the weekend and cut it if your can get a lend of Millie Thomson’s shears and lawn mower.
“Yer said that last week and when I borrowed them yer went oot with Geordie Denley
doon to his pigeon loft.