This is real, it's me writting how I feel about things... sorry for the edge.


1. July

Today is the date of my partners' birthday. Or at least the day that just passed was, it's after midnight, today was a fun day, I spoke to her pretty much the entire day and I could Skype her before she went out for a meal with her family. Everything is relatively fine. I should mention that it is long distance. 4000 Miles, and yes, it is hard, very hard sometimes, but she's worth it. After she left for her meal, I went back t my own thing, I played games, I ate, listened to music, everything as normal, but when left alone I'm prompted  to think, and although I'm a happy, emotionally stable boy, I am capable of being sad from time to time and thinking isn't inherently a bad thing, but thinking about the distance is something that I wouldn't recommend to myself or anyone else in a long distance relationship. It seems that when I think of the 400 miles between us, the distance becomes real, the portal to her that is my phone or computer isn't there to protect me, and I ache, I get scared, like I'm lost, I have a deep fear of large, open and empty spaces, like the ocean (or space) and I get the same kind of sick feeling when I think about just how far she is. I don't link it. But I'll stress again, she is worth every crack in my composure. Sorry that there is no real rhythm to this, it's just a ramble, not even really to be read by anyone other than myself, but it can't hurt to make it public.

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