- 13 -
Just imagine if all of those hands that held you down were family’s claws digging into your sides. Every last one of them willing to crack a smile between you and the peer in front of you. Perspective, it’s all we’ve got to follow by; there’s nobody out there blind enough to un-see the darkness that produces in the stem of our eye’s backings. All of the insides just shrivel, and rot out of cords- like wires all tangled up inside a box that doesn’t contain anything.
Blood clots, she’s been seen to. It’s like all of the hands cascading in the shadows are searching for me. I’m not quite a distant person, myself. I’m more of a foreign fighter, someone who doesn’t belong in this world. I’m feeling out of breath, losing the courage to hold onto. No grasp is strong enough to keep me encased in the soils we walk on. Every thump that is driven into the sandy beaches are quiet, silent, and soon to be the attached screaming’s of a bloody massacre.
“You’ve spoken to us before, Flynn.” Those eyes, you can never forget those eyes. “You’ve always looked around every room you’ve been placed in. Tell me, boy- what is it that you are searching for?”
“Addresses. Connections. I’m looking for purpose.” My tongue didn’t shrivel, I thought it would melt into my gums.
“Someone like you… doesn’t look for purpose. It’s not like a person your age is capable of finding that answer.” He is gullible, but I’m a fool for believing him.
“Sometimes you’ve got to jump the shark.” I remember my father talking about that- it was sad.
Placing a diagram in front of me like I was a science experiment waiting to crumble on the inside; “Tell me, Flynn- what do you remember about him?”
The eyes. I remember the eyes, it’s hard to forget the fixation. It’s difficult to remember the person attached to those pupils.
“I remember him being a man of his word. He never spoke to me much, I always thought he was just a stranger.”
Pulling the diagram from my very eyes; I watched him place it between his two fingers. “Ha, it’s funny- cos I remember it a little differently to you.”
Ah, I had to look around the room again. I had to find the purpose of me being here. The reason for why I’m forced to sit in a chair, face a man with no fears. Actual fears? No. This fake druggie was just a victim of his own desires.
“You see; I remember it going something like this; he’d come in with his hands tucked in his pockets- those shoulder blades would stand up taller than his own Adam’s apple. That’s quite a compliment I just gave your father.”
‘He was full of compliments, but I need to know your weakness.’
“I’m not even going to sugar-coat it no more. A man like you doesn’t come cheap; good thing I expected of much. It’s a real pleasure to meet you, Flynn. In the flesh that is.”
TIME IS AGAINST US.
By now you would tell me that I’m losing track of time. Not quite. I’m visually interpreting the very words this man speaks. Every time he slips up, I’m adding a dollar to his name. A face to a currency is what matters here, a face that doesn’t belong like a diamond- a gem, a crystal, all substances that don’t belong to anyone. Except miners.
Watching him walk back and forth, it really jogged my memory. Jump starting me as fast as hot-wiring someone’s vehicle. Only this vehicle had no driver, and I was on auto-pilot. The name doesn’t quite fit the person, but I recall it now; this stranger is KeVus. Simply known as Kevin, yet the name KeVus seems to stick. It’s like that nickname once had meaning.
Laying out documents in front of me. ‘Single file, single file.’ These words don’t blend together, yet I remember the person who bellowed them to me. A slutty teacher with her dress always in knots. You’d pull it off her, and you’d see the exposure to the skin. It’s like radiation played a part in her toxic body.
If someone had asked me to potentially take advantage of Mrs. Summers, I would’ve taken that with a pinch of salt. One, to take away the agony. Two, to embrace the pain that remains held back in my body. The salt would add texture; it would give me a feeling like no other. I wouldn’t even remember Mrs. Summers being raped. Sadly, I remember it like it wasn’t yesterday? Yeah, that’s how I’d put it.
I didn’t forget about the time, I just got side-tracked. Mrs. Summers was alone in her classroom. I wasn’t there, I promise.
Her long blonde hair, braided around like a fish tail. You’d only notice the beauty on one side, and the other side held much to be desired. I remember her because she was kind to me, and that face is a memory that scares me. Those eyes don’t leave my mind; I’m always watched from the inside. She’s willing to blink, but I know she’s not going to look the other way.
Standing between our own contact is a layer of glass- I’m forced to break with my fists. Yet, I don’t feel the need to break into her encasing. It’s like a treasure on the other side, I know it’s valuable, but the consequences cannot be ignored. I’m sensing the familiarity of her touch once being on my body. You know? I remember this, it’s like she’s toying with me.
Why would an adult return to a childhood teacher? Same reason why a parent would return to their mother. They need help, I need help. I’m in search of answers, and Mrs. Summers has the resemblance of a trashed vehicle. Ouch, that’s harsh- I know how she looks at me, she sees me for what I once was. A child with big dreams, a kid who didn’t know any better.
She’s teaching these mindless morons, and I’m left on the other side gazing into those deep blue eyes from a distance. She cracks a smile every time she gets a glimpse of me through the window. This circular window frame holds a balance like no other; it’s dented; it’s holding me in place. I’m behind it like a stalker, and I’m sensing a reason to be here.
You know that the time doesn’t always make sense. Don’t ignore the tick-tocks, that very clicking that never left you as a child.
Just as the kids leave the room, I’m forced to enter. Entry denied, Mrs. Summers is now leaning towards her desk. This isn’t a tease? I’m not just an experiment being tested on? No? Okay, I give up- what is it that she wants from me? There’s one thing that I can give her, but it’s a misery to some of us. And it’s all about being in denial afterwards.
“Don’t just come in with a face like yours, make use of the smile that we leave on all the front doors.”
Ah, that’s the rhyme. That’s the one she made me, it always made me focus on things right in front of me.
Just like that the door opens, although she’s got the disgust feeling in her body. She knows that being disgusted with me, a stalker in the shadows. That’s the best way to go.
“Flynn? Wasn’t expecting you until twelve.” Mrs. Summers expected me?
I nodded, didn’t say a word after witnessing that body of hers in motion. “…”
“Did you not feel satisfied the last time we talked?” Her words are burrowing into my brain, it’s like she’s toying with me.
“We didn’t talk.”
That smirk on her face, that was something that couldn’t be ignored. I’d save that moment for a special occasion, a moment where I know she’s going to want to play ball.
“You’re quite the bore. Sometimes, Flynn- I feel like you only come here for answers.”
I nodded in response, it’s the answer she was looking for.
“That’s a real shame.” She sighed, pulling out a note from between her breasts. Look at the way she looked at me, she wanted me to fetch.
“I’m not a delusional kid like I used to be, times have changed. And you are just another example of one of many sluts out there in the world.”
She gasped, couldn’t believe Flynn was talking to her like this? “You’d understand if you entered this room as a different person.”
“There’s nothing that would’ve changed. You’d still see me looking quite angry at you.”
“Maybe… but I know what person I would’ve preferred to be watching me unbutton my chequered shirt.” Uh, the smirk returned.
“Just hand over the note, I’m not in the mood for mind games.”
“What gives you the right to walk in here when I’ve just finished a hard day of work?”
“Nothing gives me that right, you’re quite right.”
“So, explain to me why you feel the need to keep seeing me. Hmm? We both know it’s not for business enquires.”
“Really, Mrs. Summers? You really think I’m after someone like you? That my own stupidity would trick me into dating a bitch like you?”
Look at those innocent eyes. The way she just moved her head back there, it’s like she knows I’m against her. But there’s a presence in between us that makes us connect.
“…Flynn, it’s not hard to believe anything, nowadays.” Her lips just got wetter. “Sometimes, a guy like you- a student from my own classes. He’d come back every time to see me, just because he can’t get something off his chest.”
“Spare me the bullshit, I know for a fact that you lure men into your own domain. All that fuck-ERY about trying to play Mrs. Innocent- isn’t working for you, is it?”
“Flynn, just take the fucking note. Make use of it, then I can go back to teaching actual people who want to learn something.”
“It was never about learning with you though, was it ever about learning with you? No. You just like a young body in your life.”
“That’s outrageous, you know for a fact that I’d do anything to look out for my kids. My students, I’m someone who doesn’t embrace manipulation.” Stern, she’s giving me a warning.
“The thing is, Flynn- you and I, we can do anything we want. All night, every night, there’s no wrongs or rights.”
“BEING WITH YOU IS ALREADY WRONG ENOUGH.”
“Obvious. I didn’t think you’d be the obvious sort.”
“Fuck you, Mrs. Summers- you didn’t help me in a time of a chaos. The time I needed someone other than my own parents to protect me.” All the hatred, I could feel it inside.
‘Giggling a little, that smirk returned. My face was now redder than what us pirates once plundered. Plunging into anything was the way to go, we’d always have a time to remember them by the most. Sluts- prostitutes, we’ve had enough of manipulation.’
“You’d like to, Flynn. You’d really like to.”
1 Month Later . . .
Not a single night goes by where Mrs. Summers doesn’t enter my mind. Is it possible for someone you’ve had a secret crush on- to manipulate you on the inside? Saying that doesn’t mean much to me. I know for a fact that I’m seeing her in my dreams, my nightmares. Even in the mirror, I’m seeing her there- smirking away like everything is a game to her. All of this just being mind games, and we’re just pieces to an unsolved puzzle.
Not again, I’m seeing things through the corner of my left eye. This burial is over, yet the implant doesn’t go anywhere. There is no afterlife for these events, all the tragic events. I’m looking through my eyes to see a picture, and all I ever see is Mrs. Summers on all fours- looking at me, on the ceiling she’s hanging. On the floor, she’s drooling, and on the walls she’s screaming. Someone get me a doctor.
“Kaya? Kaya? Honey? Stay with us, keep breathing, please baby, keep breathing.” That angelic voice, she’s my savior.
There are times where I’m standing in front of a duplicate of myself. They’d ask me, ‘are you seeing double?’- I’d reply; ‘I’m seeing someone that looks like me.’ Just like that, I’m seeing light. Then, I’m watching those hands grasp onto me, holding me down in place. Once I’m pulled out, I can feel the wiring connected. All through a single cord.
All through a single cord.