(n) the act of using language in an apt, fluent way
"El, are you serious?"
It was Parker talking as he barged through the door to my room. I'd promised that I'd hit the town with him since he'd claimed that my gloomy mood made it impossible to stand being in the apartment, but right now I was laying on top of my bed dressed in a pair of lounge shorts and Calum's sweatshirt.
"I'm very serious", I sighed as I crossed my arms and sighed deeply. I'd never felt like that before. I'd tried to be angry at Calum, blaming him. I'd tried to just shut out all emotion, but somehow the feeling of absolute emptiness kept returning. I felt just as pathetic as Calum thought I was and that made it even worse. He'd been right.
"Take Calum's shirt off, you're making it harder than it has to be", Parker commanded as he walked to the bed and looked at me as I was laying there. He was already all dressed up to go which almost made me feel bad for leaving him hanging like that, but also just almost.
So I just laid there for another minute or so before sighing once again and getting out of the bed.
"Fine, give me half and hour or so, you know the drill. And would you get out, I'm not going to take off my clothes as long as you're here."
"What a shame", Parker grinned before turning around and walking out. I just rolled my eyes at him. I think he was using humor as a coping mechanism at this point, but as long as he figured out what worked for him, I didn't care too much about it. I had my own issues to deal with.
So I got ready. I was dressed in skinny jeans, sneakers and a top. I couldn't be bothered to dress up any more than that. I even did my makeup for the first time in days, it was quite the achievement.
"Let's get this over with", I said as I walked to the living room where Parker was waiting.
"You make it sound like I'm forcing you", he said and got up.
I could tell Parker got annoyed with me at times, but I appreciated his patience with me. I even got annoyed with me at times. Why was other people's actions affecting me this much? Was was I blaming myself? Me and Calum weren't even official. Not once had he said that he loved me. Or that he cared. Turned out he didn't. He'd not only broken my heart, but he'd also broken my sense of self-worth which affected me a lot.
But either way I had to get moving. Me and Parker headed out and decided to just walk until we found somewhere that looked decent. None of us had any desire to return to the usual night club that had only caused us trouble this far. Parker talked quite a lot on the way and I could tell that he was trying to get me in a better mood by filling out the quiet with empty words. I appreciated it, though.
We chose another club in the opposite part of town from our usual spot, but to be honest, I didn't really care where we went, I just wanted to get a couple drinks and head home once again.
"I'll get you something nice and strong", Parker said with a smile as we headed for the bar.
"You're the best", I answered and tried with a smile which Parker returned before talking to the bartender.
As I stood in the background and waited for him, I could feel my phone vibrating in my bag, so I pulled it out and looked at the caller-ID. I immediately hit the decline button when I saw Calum's name on the screen, not wanting to even think anything of it. I didn't even get it back in my bag before he called once again. What the hell was he up to now? I just declined as Parker walked to me with a glass in each hand.
"There you go, El", he said and handed me one.
"Thanks", I mumbled. I hadn't heard a word from Calum since our conversation in the mall which I'd tried to block out. I felt bad for what I'd said about Calum using his family as an excuse for his actions, but I shouldn't be the one to be sorry and I knew that. I just couldn't help it.
So I drank up, hoping all of the depressing thoughts and feelings would vanish gradually with every sip of alcohol that I took, and I guess it made it easier to deal with eventually. For a second I understood why David would've slipped into the habit of drinking. I quickly shook off the thought, though.
"Wanna dance? I love this song", Parker asked when we'd both finished our drinks, and I just nodded. Then he grabbed my hand and pulled me to the dance floor. I put my arms around his neck and tried to just have a good time, and for a second I think I did. He was my best friend for a reason. If he couldn't manage to cheer my up just a little bit, nobody could.
But then that damned phone vibrated once again and I immediately pulled away from Parker, leaving him with a frown on his face.
"What's wrong?" he asked and moved closer to be able to hear what I said.
"Uh, nothing. I just have to take this", I sighed as I pulled out my phone, sending him a quick smile before making my way out of the crowd once again and finally hitting the accept button.
"I'm glad you finally decided not to ignore me", Calum said as the very first thing, but I was barely able to hear him over the music so I walked to the exit.
"Right, because that's what I was doing", I said back sarcastically and rolled my eyes even though he couldn't see.
"Anyway, where are you? You're not at home", he continued. Now it was my turn to frown.
"You weren't seriously thinking that you could just do the same thing you did last time, did you?" I couldn't help but snort at how absolutely ignorant he seemed. He didn't seriously think that he could just show up at my place and win me over with that pretty, pretty face of his, did he? Why would he even be trying if he didn't care for me in the first place? Was it some kind of cat and mouse game he'd got going on?
"That's not relevant. Where are you?"
"Why are you asking?"
"Answer my question."
My heart was pounding in my chest. I had no idea of where this was going, and I didn't even know where I wanted it to go, really. I wanted everything to be like before, but only if he could actually commit instead of being an half-assed idiot. I wanted to go back and I wanted it to be real this time, but that obviously wasn't going to happen.
"Fine," he sighed, "I need you to listen to me. Nothing else. I refuse to do it over the phone, though."
I thought about it for a while, and I could hear his frantic breathing on the other end of the line, but I had to take my time to just take it all in. What could he possibly have to say that was that freaking important? Would it really change anything?
But before I could stop myself, I just told him the address of the nightclub and hung up. I guess some part of me wanted to see him, wanted him to make it all okay.
I went back inside after that, my heart still pounding in my chest as I realized what I'd done. Parker walked up to me with a frown on his face, but I'd kind of just run out on him, so that was understandable.
"Who called you?" he asked, leaning in to make his voice more audible.
"Calum", I sighed and shook my head.
"What did he want?"
"He wanted to see me", I answered and bit down on my lower lip. Parker would kill me when he found out that I invited him here, but what was there to do about it now?
"You didn't agree to it, did you?" he asked and raised one of his eyebrows in a judgmental way, making me dread my own answer.
"Kind of" I mumbled.
Parker backed away and I could see the disbelief in his eyes, before he suddenly rolled them at me. I hated the fact that I couldn't even mention Calum without him getting pissy, but Calum wasn't going to be a big part of my life anymore anyway, so we'd be alright.
"I'm sorry, it'll only be a second. I'll just tell him that I want him to leave me alone, I promise."
"Are you sure?" Parker asked.
"Well, I'll go get another drink. I'm gonna need it. Want anything?" he then said with a sigh.
"I'm fine, thank you", I answered and tried smiling, but he just turned around and walked off, leaving me alone by the entrance of the club, anticipating what was to come.
I was kind of restless the entire time while waiting for Calum to show up. I had no idea what he wanted to tell me that could be that important, but I guess I was about to find out. Parker kind of kept his distance the entire time, almost like he was avoiding me, but maybe it was for the better. He wasn't bothering me and I wasn't bothering him.
I was sitting at the bar with a glass of water, not wanting to get drunk before seeing Calum in fear of making a decision I would regret later on. I looked around the room just in time to see him walk through the door. He was dressed in all black and he looked so good, but I tried to shake the thought off me. Somewhere along the line we made eye contact and before I knew it he was standing by me.
"Let's go somewhere quiet", he said, his lips only centimeters from my ear, almost giving me chills. He didn't even give me a chance to respond before grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the men's room.
I recieved a lot of stares and we entered, but I tried to ignore it as he pulled me with him into a stall and locked the door behind us. Then he turned towards me, and I could see how bloodshot his eyes were. Of course he was on something. He couldn't even get it together enough to talk to me when sober.
"What do you want?" I asked. I tried to keep my voice down so that everybody else in the men's room wouldn't hear.
"You know what I want", Calum answered and I could see his gaze shift to my lips. We were standing quite close because of the lack of space, and I felt quite uncomfortable. I still had feelings for this guy, but I couldn't trust him anymore.
"You wanted to talk, right?"
Then this devilish grin started growing on his lips, making me take a step back, but resulting in my back hitting the wall.
"I want you."
I just looked at him for a second, not able to believe the way he was acting. Was he serious? He couldn't in all seriousness believe that I would let him get in my pants at this point, did he?
"You only want me as much as you want the next girl", I said quietly and shook my head at him.
"That's not true", he answered and stepped closer, gripping my hips.
"It isn't? It looks like it, though", I answered and tried to act like his actions weren't affecting me.
He didn't answer, but just slowly leaned in as if he were to kiss me, but in the very last second I turned my head, resulting in his lips grazing my cheek instead.
"You came all the way here just for this?"
"You're worth it."
"Well, you're so full of shit", I snapped and pushed him off. "Did you expect that your sweet talk would make me forget how much of a dick you are?" Then he reached out and gently pushed a strand of my hair behind my ear, but I quickly grabbed his wrist and removed his hand from me. "Would you stop? You said you wanted to explain why you pretended to care about me. If that's not what you're going to do then I'm gonna leave."
"Easy there, tiger", he chuckled before then leaning on the wall opposite from me. "But yeah. I wanted to explain."
But instead of talking, he just looked at me for a long while, making it hard for me to know what to do with myself. He still made my heart beat faster and he still made me weak in the knees, I couldn't deny that, but I knew better now than to let myself get lost in those brown eyes of his.
"You're so beautiful", he whispered and crossed his arms across his chest. "You were always the prettiest girl when we were kids too."
I couldn't help but sigh. Of course his words got to me, but I had to shut out all of the sweet talking, telling myself that he was just being manipulative.
"That's not relevant."
"Well, it is, El. Because I've been in love with you ever since", he answered and shrugged like it was nothing, which it probably was. He made no sense.
"And what am I supposed to do with that information?" I asked and crossed my arms as well.
"Ouch," he chuckled and looked down for a second before looking back at me once again, "but it matters because I know you finally feel the same way."
"You don't know anything about how I feel, Calum, either way it doesn't matter anymore."
"But you can't deny it, El", he said and let his arms fall down along his sides before slowly inching closer, once again making me feel trapped in the cramped stall. I didn't answer because I knew he was right, but I wasn't going to admit that in front of him. I'd wasted too much time on his already. "I can tell that I still make you nervous", he continued when he reached me, once again putting his hands on me, letting them run down the sides of my torso, and this time I didn't move them. I could feel my breath hitch and I looked down, trying to hide the fact that he was right. He did make me nervous, but it wasn't only for the reasons that he thought it was. He was nothing like the old Calum anymore.
"Could you just get to the point?" I whispered as I looked back up at him.
"I'll get there, don't worry", he whispered back before grabbing my hands and placing them behind his neck before returning his own hands to my hips. "There's no need to rush", he continued as he leaned in and softly pressed his lips to the spot on my neck right under my jaw, resulting in me having to bite my lip to not let out a moan.
"There is, actually," I then said, trying to knock some sense into myself, "Parker's waiting for me."
"Parker," Calum snorted before kissing my neck once again, "he seriously thinks he could do you like I could?"
"You see, if I were with Parker, it would be about more than that", I answered and frowned, but I couldn't get myself to push him off.
"Now explain why you used and humiliated me."
He sighed and I could feel his breath on the cold spots his kisses had left on my skin, sending chills down my spine, but then he finally started speaking some sense.
"It's not you, really", he mumbled as he kissed my collarbone.
"It's not you, it's me. Are you seriously hinting at that line?"
"Shut up," he snapped before continuing, "it's just... Nothing good ever lasts." Then he bend down ever so slightly and planted a kiss at the beginning of my cleavage, making me tilt my head back and let out a silent sigh. I enjoyed it, but I had to keep reminding myself of everything.
"What do you mean?" I silently asked, trying to keep myself together.
"My mom died, for God's sake. I had to leave everyone I ever loved behind because of my barely present father. It seemed easier to convince myself and everybody else that I didn't care anymore. For anyone. But that's not true, you know that."
"You're not even sober, Calum, how do I know-.."
Then he suddenly removed a hand from me and slammed his fist into the wall right next to my head, making me jump.
"Would you just give me a fucking chance, El? I fucked it up but there's no need to be a bitch about it."
His sudden burst of anger shocked me. He'd never gotten aggressive with me like that before, and I couldn't help but feel unsafe. Somehow my words had triggered something in him, but he had no right to act up like that.
"Everything alright in there?" A voice shouted from the other side of the door. None of us answered, though.
I just looked at Calum for a while, not being able to grasp the entire situation, but then I finally pushed him off one last time and unlocked the door. I couldn't stay with him in there when he was like that. That he couldn't even show up sober just showed how little this meant to him, and the outburst had been the last drop that made the cup overflow.
"Don't you dare walk out on me", he growled but I didn't even look back before opening it and leaving him behind, ignoring the stares I got from the men as I walked to the door and out to the main room of the club once again.